Updated date:

The Clown and the Cabbage (a nonsense poem)

Larry Rankin, an experiened writer, enjoys creative writing in all forms, from literary to mainstream.


My Love, My Inspiration, and My Muse

The following was a poem written for my wife in the hopes of getting her to smile. It worked rather well.

As for meaning, take from it what you will. That is always the case with creative works. It isn't my job to tell you what to think. To some people there are silly songs about walruses. To others they hold the meaning of the universe.

There is plenty of foul language and pornographic imagery here, so feel free to be offended, though I was just having a bit of fun.

Everybody is so damn literal these days.

Anyway, it is either the sort of thing that you will like or won't.


The Clown and the Cabbage (a nonsense poem)

Yeddo smelled good and was pretty,

But that mean old clown, he was sh****y.

He lured her into the the forest dark and deep

With a bright red ball.

Yeddo was frightened and weeped,

Which caused her to swoon and fall.

The clown moved in to maul and ravage,

But enter our hero, a tobacco spitting cabbage!

The cabbage was the size of a Winnebago,

And said to the clown, "Take this Diego!"

And spat a wad of tobacco at the clown,

Which knocked him clean to the ground.

And pulling his cabbage butt cheeks agape

He swallowed the clown in a reverse prison rape.

Yeddo rose trembling and fearful,

But the cabbage said, "Friend, please don't be tearful!"

"I am the magic cabbage of good fortune and joy."

"Now go home and kiss your daughter and boy."

"Hug your husband tight and scratch the dog's head,"

"And rejoice that your life is happy and that mean clown is dead."



© 2017 Larry Rankin


Laurie S Novak from Michigan on May 17, 2020:

All I can say is: weird, but amusing. It's always good to keep a sense of humor in this day and age! Thanks.

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on May 14, 2018:

Catherine: there's a forgetible movie from the 90s starring Chris Elliot that had a guest appearance by David Letterman. I think it's called "Cabin Boy".

Anyway, there's a scene with a giant cupcake that spits tobacco. And though the film isn't stellar, that imagery has always stuck with me.

The tobacco spitting cabbage is kind've a nod to that scene. Who'd a thunk that such a character would have an inspiring predecessor, lol

Thanks for dropping by. I always enjoy your thoughts:-)

Catherine Giordano from Orlando Florida on May 13, 2018:

It made me smile too. The imagery was great. Cabbages spitting tobacco--that imagy is going to stay with me for a while.

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on February 20, 2018:

Paula: obviously I wouldn't have wrote it for my wife if she didn't share my humor.

Thanks so much for the kind words.

Suzie from Carson City on February 12, 2018:

Any guy with a twisted mind is a friend of mine! Weird, absurd? Absolutely but then freaky fantasy breaks up the monotony of life....especially these days, when most of what we see and hear is so damned depressing!

Only you know what deep dark corner of your mind you pulled this one from, but it's the "thought" that counts....and if it made your wife smile, who can criticize? I think it's rather sweet you wrote this for her! Just in time for Valentine's Day, you Romeo, you! LOL.....Paula

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on February 12, 2018:

Chris: I don't understand why folks get offended.

Obviously to a rational mind, this is just a bit of absurd strangeness, but I put the disclaimer up so the weirdos that do get offended only have themselves to blame for reading it:-)

Thanks for the thoughtful response.

Chris Mills from Traverse City, MI on February 05, 2018:

I was offended by the reverse prison rape—

No I wasn't, I thought it was great.

And the creation of a hero, a tobacco spitting cabbage,

was to me, a brilliant adage.

I'm glad your wife was, in the end, amused.

I'm sure many have read, and left confused.

But as for me, I like it. leave it unchanged.

The antagonist is now in hell, deranged.

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on January 25, 2018:

Nadine: thanks for dropping by.

Nadine May from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa on January 12, 2018:

Mmm, interesting I wonder what my partners poem about me would be like...

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on January 08, 2018:

Vicki: thanks for dropping by.

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on January 08, 2018:

Linda: glad you enjoyed it. Always happy to hear from you.

Vicki Wood from Eldon, Missouri on January 06, 2018:

lol, love your weirdness, i would love it if my husband wrote me a weird poem.

Linda Robinson on January 04, 2018:

Loved your poem. It was fun and to read and had a bit of spookiness to it as well. Very well written, I really enjoyed it. Take care. Talk with you again. Linda

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on January 04, 2018:

Flourish: sorry I haven't been around, but my lifestyle requires I get the updates to stay caught up.

Anyway, so glad to be hearing from folks again.

You know why this happened?

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on January 04, 2018:

To everybody: this poem is very much in the style of Alice in Wonderland, but the R version.

My wife loves Alice in Wonderland, btw.

This silly writing, I've always enjoyed it. I worry it alienates folks, because some folks just really hate it, but I got to be me, and among the many things I am, I really enjoy being silly sometimes.

Anyway, thanks so much for stopping by.

Larry Rankin (author) from Oklahoma on January 04, 2018:

To everybody: what's with the notifications having been off. Out of the loop over the holidays, and I was just curious?

Larry W Fish from Raleigh on January 04, 2018:

That was so funny, Larry. It had me laughing. I'm sure that cheered your wife up. Good work, I like your sense of humor.

FlourishAnyway from USA on January 02, 2018:

Because the notifications have been off for so long, I'm just now getting here, but I'm glad this made it to LetterPile. I enjoyed the read. Clowns are so creepy. Thank goodness for the tobacco spitting cabbage.

Doris James MizBejabbers from Beautiful South on December 23, 2017:

Larry, I had to voter Absurd simply because of the subject matter: a mean clown and a cabbage the size of a Winnebago, but it is very funny. If it were clean, ha ha, it would be a great children's story. I also give it imaginative and heartwarming. It was my laugh for the day.

JOC from Syracuse, NY on December 22, 2017:

The photos made it funny for me.

Louise Powles from Norfolk, England on December 22, 2017:

I really enjoyed that poem Larry. I'm glad it made your wife smile. =)

Related Articles