The Beauty of My Tears: How They Healed Me Until They Stopped

Updated on May 16, 2018
Missy Smith profile image

Missy is a unique writer who enjoys inviting her readers into her thoughts through her poetry and other topics of discussion.  

Source

A Sudden Realization

The inspiration for this poem came to me as I was talking to a past love. I hadn't talked to this person voice to voice in what I realized was years now. A few texts between us that always left me stale was all we managed the last few years. I would cry when I thought about all I had confessed to this person just to realize that it was never going to work out; those being his words, which I finally accepted.

The issues were that he was much younger than I, and he was in a whole different world; a foreign country. I understood his need not to believe in the impossible anymore, and I knew it would seem hopeless for a young man like him. I did not blame him for that thought. I dropped myself from his world realizing that it had not taken him long to move on. He already met someone else that better suit his purpose for the future. A sad fact which did keep me in tears for a little while - I confess.

Yesterday, when we talked over the phone, I could not believe I did not recognize his voice. The conversation changed for me. I thought that I would always want this person to love me, because I loved them so unconditionally. However, I realized I was fine. When the feelings started streaming back to me after we talked for a while; I became a little sad again. I hung up the phone and I wanted to cry. I wanted to release my waterfall of emotions, so I could live with another reminder of how my life has left me loveless. I wanted to pity myself, because I have always felt that pity for oneself is fine as long as you do not seek it from others. For me, it helps me become stronger when the self-pity party is over. I pick up and go on. It's just what I do.

Today, looking back on the conversation; I realized that I didn't cry. I did not do what I usually do, and I further recognized that I hadn't cried in quite a long time. I couldn't cry for myself anymore. I can cry when I listen to emotional music or watch a sad touching movie, but I could not cry for my past anymore. I could not cry for the struggles I still have. I could not cry for the forbidden love that, once upon a time, had me crying everyday. I COULD NOT CRY! Thus, I turned to my other healing technique - poetry! This is what came to me in this moment. I hope you like it.

Source

No More Tears

I don’t cry anymore.

I realized that today.


As I sat thinking alone...

not one tear for my

Painful past; not one

wet cheek for this reality

I live.


I want to weep. I used to

keep a sadness which

in an odd way set me free.


Cry today and be brave

tomorrow. Learn that the

tears and pain were here to

liberate and swaddle.


But, I don’t cry anymore. I

can’t feel the pain. Not

cause it’s not there, and not

because I feel tamed.


Here I sit in this moment,

and I digress. I realize the

time gone now. How long

has it been? When did they

stop?


What does this mean for

my sanity? I’m lost.


The tears were my power.

They were my release.

The waterfall inside that

I let flow my energy.


They kept me strong as a

mom with many burdens to

bear. An inner Strength

That my own sobs helped

me endure.


But…I don’t cry anymore.

Now what?

Questions & Answers

    © 2018 Missy Smith

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      • Dana Tate profile image

        Dana Tate 

        2 months ago from LOS ANGELES

        Beautiful Missy. I would love to say that some of my tears have stopped because I've grown to a certain maturity. Mostly, it's because I'm all cried out.

      • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

        Gypsy Rose Lee 

        5 months ago from Riga, Latvia

        A most heartfelt write. You know when the tears stop it means you are ready to continue on your journey to a better and brighter future. Hope a true love comes along.

      • Venkatachari M profile image

        Venkatachari M 

        5 months ago from Hyderabad, India

        It's a nice improvement in you, Missy. I am happy that you overcame that situation with some positive maturity and a clear-cut attitude. No more looking back now.

        The poetry is very appealing and it testifies your maturity and the clearcut attitude. I admire those pictures also. How did you get them? Any photoshop? Or Art?

      • CaribTales profile image

        Dora Weithers 

        5 months ago from The Caribbean

        "The tears were my power. They were my release." Great attitude! Great awareness! Definitely a forward move. Congratulations!

      • Missy Smith profile imageAUTHOR

        Missy Smith 

        5 months ago from Florida

        Hello, agusfanani. Hmmm... I believe happiness comes to me more often now, yes. However, there will always be this deep sad part of me that I have learned to embrace and make positive within my poetry.

        Thank you! :)

      • Missy Smith profile imageAUTHOR

        Missy Smith 

        5 months ago from Florida

        And you almost made a teardrop fall, Bill. Thank you so much!

      • agusfanani profile image

        agusfanani 

        5 months ago from Indonesia

        Tears don't always mean sorrow. I hope your tears have changed sadness into happiness that makes you not cry anymore.

      • billybuc profile image

        Bill Holland 

        5 months ago from Olympia, WA

        Reading your work is like looking into an open wound, and I say that with the utmost admiration and respect.

      • Missy Smith profile imageAUTHOR

        Missy Smith 

        5 months ago from Florida

        I’m so pleased to know that my words can bring touching feelings to you, Jai.

        Thanks for reading, and for your admiration in regards to my poetry. It means a lot!

      • Missy Smith profile imageAUTHOR

        Missy Smith 

        5 months ago from Florida

        Maybe it’s why I don’t cry anymore, John? Poetry, I mean; maybe writing poetry has been the complete fix for my tears? I don’t know, but I know it has become my own self-help therapy.

        Thanks for reading my thoughts. :)

      • JaiAsahi23 profile image

        Jai Asahi 

        5 months ago

        Poetry brings solace!! I love reading your poems Ms. Missy .. I cant help to be not touched by every words

      • Jodah profile image

        John Hansen 

        5 months ago from Queensland Australia

        Missy, I can certainly relate to your statement that poetry is a release. It is my therapy for so many things...especially writing about the incident that troubles you. I find this helps give closure or allows you to see a different perspective. It is great that you have come to a stage where you can talk to this person without bursting into tears. thank you for sharing your feelings and the wonderful poem.

      • Missy Smith profile imageAUTHOR

        Missy Smith 

        5 months ago from Florida

        It is good to write our emotions out, Mary. And if we can use poetry to do that, that’s even better. Thank you.

      • Missy Smith profile imageAUTHOR

        Missy Smith 

        5 months ago from Florida

        Hey Frank! You are so correct. It does feel like I’m full circle now. Poetry is definitely my release when I need the reminder. Thanks!

      • Missy Smith profile imageAUTHOR

        Missy Smith 

        5 months ago from Florida

        Thank you, Elijah. I do feel like I have definitely reached the final stages of maturing. It’s time for me to relax and just be happy with the person I am and my life in its current state. :)

      • aesta1 profile image

        Mary Norton 

        5 months ago from Ontario, Canada

        This happened to a close friend before and how she cried but now she continues to be friends with the person and the hurt seemed to have gone away. Poetry can be healing as I find, it is a good outlet for what is inside.

      • Frank Atanacio profile image

        Frank Atanacio 

        5 months ago from Shelton

        You have come for circle.. you leave the monster alone with the pain ad you move forward. The poetry I believe is a release.. the words are true.. the meaning powerful.. and the truth cold ... but there.. awesome write Missy.. stay strong as you can possibly be..:)

      • The0NatureBoy profile image

        Elijah A Alexander Jr 

        5 months ago from Washington DC

        Your have matured, Missy, recognize the crybaby you once were finally matured. It is not like it isn't still there, it is, but your living without that love has made you more the whole person independent of needing "another half". Once one learn to love themselves they are no longer dependent on "another half" for the feeling of being loved. That is a sign of maturity, you needed to know you have matured.

        A perfect read, thank you for sharing.

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