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The Beauty of My Tears: How They Healed Me Until They Stopped

Missy is a unique writer who enjoys inviting her readers into her thoughts through her poetry and other topics of discussion.  

the-beauty-of-my-tears-how-they-healed-me-until-they-stopped

A Sudden Realization

The inspiration for this poem came to me as I was talking to a past love. I hadn't talked to this person voice to voice in what I realized was years now. A few texts between us that always left me stale was all we managed the last few years. I would cry when I thought about all I had confessed to this person just to realize that it was never going to work out; those being his words, which I finally accepted.

The issues were that he was much younger than I, and he was in a whole different world; a foreign country. I understood his need not to believe in the impossible anymore, and I knew it would seem hopeless for a young man like him. I did not blame him for that thought. I dropped myself from his world realizing that it had not taken him long to move on. He already met someone else that better suit his purpose for the future. A sad fact which did keep me in tears for a little while - I confess.

Yesterday, when we talked over the phone, I could not believe I did not recognize his voice. The conversation changed for me. I thought that I would always want this person to love me, because I loved them so unconditionally. However, I realized I was fine. When the feelings started streaming back to me after we talked for a while; I became a little sad again. I hung up the phone and I wanted to cry. I wanted to release my waterfall of emotions, so I could live with another reminder of how my life has left me loveless. I wanted to pity myself, because I have always felt that pity for oneself is fine as long as you do not seek it from others. For me, it helps me become stronger when the self-pity party is over. I pick up and go on. It's just what I do.

Today, looking back on the conversation; I realized that I didn't cry. I did not do what I usually do, and I further recognized that I hadn't cried in quite a long time. I couldn't cry for myself anymore. I can cry when I listen to emotional music or watch a sad touching movie, but I could not cry for my past anymore. I could not cry for the struggles I still have. I could not cry for the forbidden love that, once upon a time, had me crying everyday. I COULD NOT CRY! Thus, I turned to my other healing technique - poetry! This is what came to me in this moment. I hope you like it.

the-beauty-of-my-tears-how-they-healed-me-until-they-stopped

No More Tears

I don’t cry anymore.

I realized that today.


As I sat thinking alone...

not one tear for my

Painful past; not one

wet cheek for this reality

I live.


I want to weep. I used to

keep a sadness which

in an odd way set me free.


Cry today and be brave

tomorrow. Learn that the

tears and pain were here to

liberate and swaddle.


But, I don’t cry anymore. I

can’t feel the pain. Not

cause it’s not there, and not

because I feel tamed.


Here I sit in this moment,

and I digress. I realize the

time gone now. How long

has it been? When did they

stop?


What does this mean for

my sanity? I’m lost.


The tears were my power.

They were my release.

The waterfall inside that

I let flow my energy.


They kept me strong as a

mom with many burdens to

bear. An inner Strength

That my own sobs helped

me endure.


But…I don’t cry anymore.

Now what?

© 2018 Missy Smith

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