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The Angry Submissive Stopped Taking Requests

Heather has a Bachelor's Degree in English from Moravian College and has been freelance writing for more than 12 years.

Always looked to please every male around with a smile

Not through anything dirty or too shameful

Just an act or two of polite servitude to earn a recommendation

A step in a world populated by chauvinistic dinosaurs of yesteryear

A direct nod to the June Cleaver/Martha Stewart archetype

Mousy brunette locks sacrificed at the altar of the bleach blonde bimbo

Cooked, cleaned and performed all of her wifely duties

Giving her husband a reason to come home at dinner time

Avoiding the three martini lunch in the process

Didn't want the accompanying hangover to ruin his evening

Vision of his missus dressed as his private Brigitte Bardot

Along with the token French maid costume and the feather duster

To clean those hard to reach corners with ease

Unfortunately, too tired to put much gusto into this evening's performance

Had to pretend to enjoy living a life as a joyously ravenous maid

Preferred to cuddle up with the three martinis and sleep the weekend away

Let the husband cook the meals and clean the house for a change

Fed up with being the ultimate domestic goddess

Eager to burn that stupid caveman typecast to the ground

Turn it into the biggest pile of ashes with nearest blowtorch

Along with all of the posters of Raquel Welch from One Million Years B.C.

The one that made all of the Don Draper replicas drool in private

Ready to let the roots come through the salon designed flaxen hair color

Announced to the world that nothing about this former servant was real

Cancelled the husband's lifelong subscription to Playbook out of spite

An impulsive move after accidentally calling his former goddess fat

Threw out the maid's costume and accessories for pure revenge

Poured some Kerosene on and set it ablaze along with his opinions

Of how his wife deserved to be viewed as more than a trophy

That he won in a hunting match and mounted on his wall

After putting her through a fair course of taxidermy to shut her up

Time to put his fantasies to bed forever and create some harsh new realities

One where she would get as much pleasure out of life as he does

Another where he was the domestic every now and again

Would be a hilarious sight if he was a French servant along with the duster

For added measure of extreme comedy to mock him ceaselessly later on

Time to stop giving into the demands of a man's society

Pretending to always be the gracious hostess when you don't want to

Do anything except watch 80s horror movies in your pajamas

Eating nothing but Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice cream

Staining the rest of the faded Eagles concert tee with no worries

The new designated mad washer will make sure it's clean tomorrow

Good news: it's not the former Mrs. Cleaver anymore

Task now belonged to Mr. Cleaver instead

Beware of June's wrath if her favorite shirt wasn't good as new

Change your name and address

Enter Witness Protection because this submissive no longer submits

Requests for anyone except herself and her kids.

Deal with it; or else.

A picture of a man's fantasy blonde.

A picture of a man's fantasy blonde.

Questions & Answers

Question: Why do some women allow themselves to give those alpha male wannabes credit when they don't deserve it?

Answer: The answer is pretty simple. You don't because the idea of being subservient to those cave dwellers is just plain ridiculous. Never been like that in real life ever. The poem was meant to be partially satirical and a call to arms for women who do relegate themselves to the background to stop doing so. Better to do things on mutual terms than forced to always coming in second. It was my way of saying I'm done with following those supposed norms that are just plain lame.

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