Tales of a Real Life Hollywood Movie Western Vacation Adventure

Laced up a new pair of shiny white Nikes instead of the fantasy boots

The ones with the spurs that those movie tough guys wore

To make a permanent impression on moviegoers of all ages

Allowed the real and movie cowboys wear those uncomfortable specimens

A city slicker sticking to what's comfortable instead of cool

Fresh from the shoebox with the marked down price tag

Displayed prominently to show that you could not pay

Full marked up price to mark any possible financial success

Not the fact that the good old bank account has insufficient zeroes

Basic chump change those pesky Kardashians spend on dinner

Cringing a constant when watching Reality television stars

Tried to pretend to live regular lives when they couldn't dream

Of doing so on a daily basis because they were miscast in the role

Those who lived in million dollar glass houses listed on Bravo

Couldn't afford to throw metaphorical stones near it

For fear that it would shatter on camera in millions of pieces

A new subplot of starting over from the ground up

Probably forced to stay with someone likely to cause a catfight

The usual Hollywood television spectacle for sweeps week

Rooting out the weak and letting the strong take charge

Let's get off of this IQ decreasing rollercoaster of fake emotions

Taking ownership of good qualities and the character flaws

Napalmed the personal demons into oblivion

Fun activity and Apocalypse Now approved of course

No more time to feel sorry about past mistakes

No more excuses about potential shortcomings

Needing to move beyond obsessing about potential failure

Wondering when the happiness zeppelin bursts

And flames out in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean

Fed up with waiting for a metaphorical plane crash

With no survivors to speak of on ABC News

Ready for a Wild Western adventure with some movie cowboys

Gary Cooper and John Wayne led the charge into wild terrain

Guns blazing and impulses firing on all cylinders

Fun and mayhem going hand in hand on this excursion

Will the hero save the day or will the damsel no longer be in distress?

On her own without any help from those Hollywood tough guys

Wait and see when the credits start to roll on their own accord.