THE ODDITY OF MY EXISTENCE
A Self Reflective Poem
I.
I am friendly
I smile a lot
I talk even to strangers
I love conversations;
Funny
Sad
Informative
Shallow and deep
I enjoy how people interact
Different personalities dancing together
Some can be left
Others can be right
A few stay on their places
Other batches move all around in circles
A number sways both their hips and arms
The music can be different and so is their pattern of movements.
II.
Conversations open new doors and windows
Each door can lead to one’s heart or mind
You can see what they see
You can feel how they are feeling
You can hear their thoughts and melodies of their heartbeats
Others can shut the doors but generous to open the windows
You cannot judge them
They can just be cautious because it is never safe to open the doors to anyone
You can be badly hurt and some wounds do not heal easily
The windows are just preview of what the heart and mind contain
One can remain peeking on the windows
Others can choose to find a way for the shut door to open
You can succeed
You can fail in the process
Others are willing to take the risk
Most are not.
III.
I lived a life of opening my doors
I trust people innocently, with a great HOPE that all will be well
I was hurt, bruised and wounded over time
If someone would ask I would have done the same thing still,
My answer is YES
I have learned
I have met people that I keep
I gained more wisdom rather than just being contained in a box
The path I have taken is not easy
Others may break and shut down
Some may blame and hate
I did not break, I was shattered
I found myself picking up the pieces of me that was lost
I did not fully succeed
Other portions of me are lost in that journey unrecovered
I can wait and weep but what for?
IV.
Acceptance is a tricky process
The good day would be YOU feeling happy
You are not bleeding and the pain is not present
You just enjoy the day and live like it is your first
The day of BLAMING is torture
You either continuously tells yourself that you are to blame
Other people, place, time and situation
I can be a cycle depending on your feelings at that time
At times, you can be depressed.
The results of your actions can be too much to bear
You are trying your best to just move on
But sometimes the effort is fruitless
You try your hardest to move up
Yet in reality, you are miserable
Once trust is broken, you lose faith that it is worth trusting anyone
Once faith is gone, you refuse to believe that anything and anyone are worth your journey.
V.
I still wake up because of nightmares
Finding my sleep again is tedious
I wake up and do the things I need to do, existing but not living.
I am like a zombie
But one way or another, I need to open my eyes again
I need to start living
I only made mistakes
I am far from perfection
Should I dwell on what I lack and persecute my existence?
Bad decisions I have done
Wrong route I have taken
Harsh words I have fired
I am certainly not a bad person; my mistakes have taught me lessons
The past is done but should not linger to my present and future.
I I can love others, I should love myself too.
If I can be kind to other people, then I should be kinder to myself too.
VI.
One event can reveal the colors of the people around you.
It can shed off façade and mask
Others can make you believe what you want to see
Not all words spoken are true
Not all actions shown are real
It can wake you up from a dream you got stuck into
You may have been living a fairytale that your mind has made up
This is the sad truth in life
Expectations versus Reality
Expectations can be higher than what is real.
This can bring about frustrations and pain
Refrain from expecting
Balance the reality without distorting your present
Balance prevents chaos
From your past to your present, extending to your future…
You have reached a level of equilibrium so peace can be attained.
© 2018 Ronadel Razon
