THE ODDITY OF MY EXISTENCE

I.

I am friendly

I smile a lot

I talk even to strangers

I love conversations;

Funny

Sad

Informative

Shallow and deep

I enjoy how people interact

Different personalities dancing together

Some can be left

Others can be right

A few stay on their places

Other batches move all around in circles

A number sways both their hips and arms

The music can be different and so is their pattern of movements.

II.

Conversations open new doors and windows

Each door can lead to one’s heart or mind

You can see what they see

You can feel how they are feeling

You can hear their thoughts and melodies of their heartbeats

Others can shut the doors but generous to open the windows

You cannot judge them

They can just be cautious because it is never safe to open the doors to anyone

You can be badly hurt and some wounds do not heal easily

The windows are just preview of what the heart and mind contain

One can remain peeking on the windows

Others can choose to find a way for the shut door to open

You can succeed

You can fail in the process

Others are willing to take the risk

Most are not.

III.

I lived a life of opening my doors

I trust people innocently, with a great HOPE that all will be well

I was hurt, bruised and wounded over time

If someone would ask I would have done the same thing still,

My answer is YES

I have learned

I have met people that I keep

I gained more wisdom rather than just being contained in a box

The path I have taken is not easy

Others may break and shut down

Some may blame and hate

I did not break, I was shattered

I found myself picking up the pieces of me that was lost

I did not fully succeed

Other portions of me are lost in that journey unrecovered

I can wait and weep but what for?

IV.

Acceptance is a tricky process

The good day would be YOU feeling happy

You are not bleeding and the pain is not present

You just enjoy the day and live like it is your first

The day of BLAMING is torture

You either continuously tells yourself that you are to blame

Other people, place, time and situation

I can be a cycle depending on your feelings at that time

At times, you can be depressed.

The results of your actions can be too much to bear

You are trying your best to just move on

But sometimes the effort is fruitless

You try your hardest to move up

Yet in reality, you are miserable

Once trust is broken, you lose faith that it is worth trusting anyone

Once faith is gone, you refuse to believe that anything and anyone are worth your journey.

V.

I still wake up because of nightmares

Finding my sleep again is tedious

I wake up and do the things I need to do, existing but not living.

I am like a zombie

But one way or another, I need to open my eyes again

I need to start living

I only made mistakes

I am far from perfection

Should I dwell on what I lack and persecute my existence?

Bad decisions I have done

Wrong route I have taken

Harsh words I have fired

I am certainly not a bad person; my mistakes have taught me lessons

The past is done but should not linger to my present and future.

I I can love others, I should love myself too.

If I can be kind to other people, then I should be kinder to myself too.

VI.

One event can reveal the colors of the people around you.

It can shed off façade and mask

Others can make you believe what you want to see

Not all words spoken are true

Not all actions shown are real

It can wake you up from a dream you got stuck into

You may have been living a fairytale that your mind has made up

This is the sad truth in life

Expectations versus Reality

Expectations can be higher than what is real.

This can bring about frustrations and pain

Refrain from expecting

Balance the reality without distorting your present

Balance prevents chaos

From your past to your present, extending to your future…

You have reached a level of equilibrium so peace can be attained.