Sunshine Boy I

Updated on February 9, 2019

The boy is the sun, a fiery ball just waiting to explode. He, like the sun, is hot, in every aspect.
Physically, emotionally, you name it.
He was something to cherish as you only had him for a little before he did disappear because the universe does have an expiration date for the good things.
Like the sun, most people would just assume he’d be there forever,
I certainly did.
He impacts everyone around him and the concept of him is so simple, yet he is so complex. You think the sun is just a star; it's just gas. Yet deeper, it is made of oxygen, magnesium, nitrogen, carbon, iron, and so much more.
You look at him and see a basic brown hair and brown-eyed boy.

But he is so so much more and no one will ever see it, maybe not even him.

You'll never realize how much you need him 'til he’s gone.
He’s addicting, a bad habit, like drugs or smoking cigarettes. His scent taunts you and his smile will fill you with the brightest light.
You’ll want to look at him and never look away, but you can’t. The more you look at him the more you want to save him from putting himself into the earth when I guarantee you the earth will never realize how good it has it.

People will say he’s dangerous; he’s too consuming, but he is so utterly beautiful and amazing.
And yes, I can testify, he is a little evil but so if 90% of this universe.
He has a lot of semi-hidden goodness.
I notice that his touch is always so warm and inviting to me. Yes, maybe one day he will touch me for too long, and it will burn me.
You’ll keep coming back for more, we will all come back for more.
I will leave behind your morals and suddenly my entire life is heliocentric and surrounded by this one being. And I wonder how I got here, because never in my life was I awarded something this good.
No one gets it. They think this is bad for me, for anyone, because they think I will burn.
In a sense, you could say I'm addicted, but I am not obsessed. I know, as I've said, the good things are just fillers, and they will expire.
I am not being abused by him, he doesn’t mean to be addicting.
And maybe they're right, maybe he realizes this, but maybe he mistakes it for something else.
Sometimes I'll hurt him on accident and pretend I meant it. I sometimes get too caught up in other's thoughts and want to escape from my heliocentric universe.
I wonder if he will hate me because to do this, I need him to.
Because deep down I know I don't deserve him, and I am definitely not a great person.
But for some reason, he will stay and I will be stuck.
And I want to be stuck but I don’t want to be trapped.
All because I have seen how dangerous it is to love someone with every fiber of your being.

If all the cosmos align correctly I'd just like to be able to watch him grow, even if I know I cannot be with him.

And yes, I'll be disappointed every day in myself for not being good enough. I’ll feel anger and jealousy and every sin you could imagine and I'll always put myself into bad situations without meaning to.
But remember, dear, the sun is special and sometimes we don't want it when it gives us a sunburn.
But we do need it to survive.

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