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Still Immune


Dear self, its me again. I don't know if you agree with what we've become, cause sometimes am actually not so sure about it myself.
The quiet is slowly eating me up driving me to dark places I don't even wanna have to tell you, because its gonna seem like I don't even know me.
I think I miss the pain though, something to keep me on toes. To actually feel again even if I wouldn't buy the whole thing, just a tiny little bit, enough for a spark of a feeling.
I miss the laughs really, and I know am not really funny. That's something we'll have to ressurect soon too I guess. I actually think I miss smiles, just a strangers smile.
Last time hurt like the skies we're really, actually falling down, squeezing life out, my inhaler was my best friend for a couple of weeks I think.
The scars are almost gone, physically. I can't talk on behalf of the heart, because its rhythm isn't back yet.
I was immune to love, immune to following the masses.. Immune to thinking of a stranger's smile as 'cute '.... And now it's breaking down, my eyes just see what they want, and the brain tags in and interprates it as it wishes without even consulting...
And I honestly don't know what to do.
. Dear self, am just wishing that's this is just a fling and it fade just as quick as it kicked it.
.. I seriously can't go back to arguing and fighting you again while I know am clearly wrong.
If things turn out well, maybe heart will jump start and get well...
.. If its a trap, oh lord I just hope it isn't, let's just wish that we'll still be immune to the pain.