You are happy. You are new. You were taught to find goodness in those around you. God smiled on you! Little girl, you talked to God and to Satan, asked them to forgive each other. Begged the devil to be kind and listen to Good.
You grew up pretty happy. Your Grandparents loved you dearly; your mother adored her babies.
You watched your elders love each other. Saw respect and kindness.
Then you meet someone you think is everything you need and want.
You do not see the control and hidden spite.
You do all the things you grew up seeing. Good meals, building up, clean house; taking in all the babies.
You always put yourself last. You accept you make the meals they want; rarely what you grew up eating. Always what they grew up eating.
They laugh, when you have an idea. "That is absurd, that will never work, how were YOU raised?" Even though you KNOW it works.
Toilet paper and old socks to replace $5.00 feminine napkins.
Hide your pregnancy; lest the ex-wife find out!!! "She is a golddigging %^$#@"!
You fell while pregnant and he laughed? Let us not remember that part! The witness is dead, so no proof!
Preacher man that PREACHES but does not hear God's calling!!
Kind man that came to your aid when you hurt so badly with your baby in your belly. May you rest in peace; Big Man.
Trapped; trapped in a camper trailer.
" Do not let even the electric guy see you or it may cost me more money"!
Hotdogs and bologna for you and your child; while dog boxes and hunting fees are paid.
"My family only puts up with you because you're with me!"
"I'll get the best attorney and take the baby from you! What can YOU do? You're JUST a useless housewife!"
Tic-tok-tic-tok... before you know it, fifteen years has passed; and you're gutted. You live in a world another person made. You can taste the bile of bitterness. Not even a gilded cage; instead, a mansion-trailer of rot and mold.
"Be grateful! Be grateful for what I have given you"!
"The mold is fine, the rats and sparking electricity are normal"!!
The rape, the humiliation ...its all in a day.
"No, that hurts, I don't want to do that"!
"Come on baby, you know you like it".
Three days after bringing baby home from hospital...!
Do it... or feel the rage. Just say you like it and maybe it will be over soon!
"GET A JOB!! NO, no job for YOU"!!!
"Oh, you know I love you". "You just drive me crazy, woman". "You know how I am". "I didn't mean it that way". "...overreacting".
"You are lazy. You couldn't make it without me. You're a goldigger! You're all the same! %&^$##&@"!!!!!
"Nobody cares what I go through, nobody works as hard as I do"!
"I will shoot your animals in the head"!
"You and your kid are fu%#@&! crazy"!
"You'd never make it without me! Hahaha"
You TRIED so damn hard to escape. You told the truth; you swallowed your pride--but now ...you cannot leave your child behind.
So now you sit. You sit in Hell.
This world is not for the kind-hearted and gentle of spirit.
Here's to hope; hope that Heaven awaits the kind-hearted and gentle-spirits. The ones that tried so damn hard.
John Hansen from Queensland Australia on August 25, 2019:
Powerful words, well expressed in this sad sad poem.
Lorna Lamon on August 25, 2019:
There are so many women trapped in this way and your poem gave them a voice. Vividly recounted the pain is raw in every line.
BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on August 24, 2019:
Oh wow! I can feel you pain and anguish.
So sad to be controlled by someone.
There is so much more to life, so much beauty God has put upon the earth for you to see.
Heaven is there, but so is this world that he created.
Yes, I know...a man can be so mean. They are senseless and cruel with their words, but know he depends on everything you do.
You are valuable and he won't make it without you.
Be yourself, ignore his words and live your life.