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She Asked, "Never Again?"

Never Again

She asked me what “Never Again” meant
I could not say
I did not want to hear the words
I have yet to tell her…I lost myself again and I am afraid

I left when I should have stayed
I drove away
I ran from her when I was supposed to run towards her
I have not been back to this day

I should have trusted who we were
I should have trusted where we were
I have not seen her again
We have not spoken

Guilt from not trusting
Guilt from not staying
Guilt from not speaking
Guilt from choosing someone else…when it was of her I was thinking

Searching for her in others
Searching for that connection
Searching in a bottle…the smoke rolls away but not the memories
Searching for what had already been found

We talked of when we couldn’t be
We now wanted to be more
I did not know how to jump
I have stumbled ever since

I do not know how to fix it
I do not know if it can be repaired
It is overwhelming
Sleepless nights and I see her everywhere

To go back in time is not possible
A chance to do everything over…
If only we could walk the block this time
I am a fool

How can I explain…
How I have been ruined
How can I explain…
How I have ruined

I feel like I am not enough…and never have been
I feel like I will never be
I feel deep down inside…
I feel when she gets too close…one of us will leave

I do not know how to tell her
I do not know how to explain
I do not know how to trust
I know how full of fear I am

I have only felt that alive once before
I have tried loving a few since then…giving only parts of me
I have tried to love with a closed off heart
I have not been able to get rid of the pain

I am broken and do not know if I can be fixed
I am broken and dive in seeking solace in someone else
I am broken and cannot see past it
I am broken and don’t know how long I will last

Never Again is how I have been hurt
Never Again do I want to lose myself
Never Again do I want to be left all alone
Never Again watching someone walk away

Never Again drives me crazy
Never Again creates more pain than they can see
Never Again I thought it was simple
Never Again…

For you I would walk across this country for the chance of hurting all over again

© 2020 Nowhere Man

Comments

Shing Araya from Cebu, Philippines on January 06, 2020:

Very touching, I am amazed. I felt you there.

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