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Shadow & Reflection

Reading is a series of human emotions. Writing is the gift of sharing these emotions.

The Drowning Girl Painting by Emma Visca

The Drowning Girl Painting by Emma Visca

How many ways to die?
I ask myself,
Is it a forgivable sin
Or will my soul get trapped in the deep south?
Will I burn and suffer
Or is it painless when you ceast to exist?
When I turn to ashes
Will I lose my memories
Or will they stay to haunt me with regrets?
If I find a way to end my endless sorrow,
Is there an afterlife?
Are there court trials for self criminals too?
Will I face the consequences of ending my misery?

The queries in pursuit of life's halt,
Swim through the depths of my humanity
Drowning thoughts of hopelessness; vague dreams, infinite agony

In my solitary journey,
I try to lift my submerged soul from the ocean of despair.
With average light that illuminates my almost pitch-black mind,
I picture my little ones;
Eight, Ten and Thirteen
My Jyanne Hailey, My Jared Robin, My Hanzel Marie
My youngest angel, my only son, my first born
Adorably wonderful faces smile at me
They are my life and my wealth,
But my innermost thoughts, they utter words that wound my lonesome soul;
I'm incompetent, unworthy of advancement
I'm fat, ugly and full of flaws
I'm weak and a nobody

If I find a way, the throbbing will stop
My heart might heal
My mind will be cleared
My life...
What's there for someone who's a nobody?
Do departed souls have a chance to live happily in their next life?
Or should I cherish my current existence because it's the first and last?
Will I have to choose everyday?
The unstable thoughts, the endless agony
The hopes and hopelessness
The love and hate
The existential threat that comes and goes in the fleeting duration of time
Should I give up my shadow?
Or should I continue to see my reflection in the mirror?

© 2019 Shey Saints

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