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Secret Pas De Deux


There was a certain entrancement on his face as they recounted old memories.

A pas de deux of shared secrets and stories, as if he had just heard each one for the first time.

Was it a delight, or was he just that forgetful?

There are moments when she gets caught in the fondness of a memory; how she wants to relive it for exactly what it was. To stay safe, tucked away in it’s un-turning pages.

Her yes’s hold a false sense of urgency, and her no’s carry a faint, “What if?”.

Every moment holds a harsh deadline that she fights to keep up with.

She uses old notes from him as her bookmarks.

She looks for life in between stoplights.

She drinks her second cup of coffee at 5 pm.

How bad I felt for this she, that girl, who I was that day.

That girl, not even a year later now.

How she felt the entire world spin under her, unable to stop it’s dizzying effects.

The way it thrashed her mind into every memory that would be deemed useless, unless shared with him, no longer able to be shared with him.

The way he was born with a broken time signature written over his chest.

The way she had to learn from clocks and candles.

She has learned that time is only there to end, and fire is only there to burn out.

How she swears he made time itself move quicker.

How she swears his voice could override the ticking of the clock.

Watching over and over again, the wick of a candle struggling to understand that it’s been blown out.

How it fights with fire and air to stay flamed.

And how long did she stand, body pressed against the wall, watching, almost rooting for this wick to reclaim it‘s flame.

She looks for his face in every car that passes by.

She swears that he can’t be gone, only hiding.

She promises there has to be a place to find him; somewhere other than a memory.

And didn’t she know about promises?

The way they bend and shift to fit their new owner’s situation.

The way they mold themselves to be unsolved and incomplete.

She is always the “I” in these promises.

The “I” that is still here.

Still here.

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