Searching for the Warrior Inside
Ready for something to change in this repetitive pattern of healing
One step forward and another in the opposite direction
Reminders plaguing any potential progress made before
Wondered when something will stick or the wounds eroded into memory
Becoming a physical callus to represent coming out the other side
In the meantime, stuck in traffic as time passes by slowly
Woke up to the familiar sound of the alarm clock buzzing
Louder and louder in a more dreadful tone than ever before
Came to the realization that the only variable different
Was the listener who used this tool to get out of bed
Felt a need to stay buried under the covers more so
Desired to remain invisible in a sea of classic sitcom reruns
Laughing at jokes heard numerous times before ad nauseum
A comforting sense of safety in comedy nirvana
The Golden Girls and I Love Lucy repeats a lot more soothing
Realized that this Thursday would have been a certain milestone
Not for me; but the representative from the past that won't leave
Wedged into the self conscious with super glue and a whim
To twist the metaphorical knife just a little deeper than before
Disturbed by the fact that their next birthday would still matter
Frustrated that it shouldn't even be at the forefront of anything
Wondered when the hurt and disappointment will disappear
First loves tended to leave the strongest bullseye on the mark
A permanent reminder of their part of your past that never leaves
Influencing the future and how the next relationship entered into
A little more skeptical than before about true love and honesty
Disgusted by anything reeking of genuine sentimentality
Affection seemed like a thing from another planet lost to all
Dreaded the idea of having to put on another brave face
To meet someone new and could be simply pretending
Wearing a mask to hide that they're a wolf in sheep's clothing
Going on first dates as if preparing for another job interview
Seeing if they're worth taking the next step with
Annoyed that my judgment foundation started to crumble
No longer seemed sound enough to trust the right people
Was told that the healing process going through was normal
Had some ups and downs before finding the right path to go on
Patience was never a virtue to behold by this narrator
Wanted instant gratification and quick results without dealing with it
Sadly, cannot bypass this emotionally sinking feeling
Simply need to find a life raft and ride the wave until the end
Lousy way to heal; only option available at the moment.
