Searching for the Warrior Inside

Heather has a Bachelor's Degree in English from Moravian College and has been freelance writing for more than 12 years.

Ready for something to change in this repetitive pattern of healing

One step forward and another in the opposite direction

Reminders plaguing any potential progress made before

Wondered when something will stick or the wounds eroded into memory

Becoming a physical callus to represent coming out the other side

In the meantime, stuck in traffic as time passes by slowly

Woke up to the familiar sound of the alarm clock buzzing

Louder and louder in a more dreadful tone than ever before

Came to the realization that the only variable different

Was the listener who used this tool to get out of bed

Felt a need to stay buried under the covers more so

Desired to remain invisible in a sea of classic sitcom reruns

Laughing at jokes heard numerous times before ad nauseum

A comforting sense of safety in comedy nirvana

The Golden Girls and I Love Lucy repeats a lot more soothing

Realized that this Thursday would have been a certain milestone

Not for me; but the representative from the past that won't leave

Wedged into the self conscious with super glue and a whim

To twist the metaphorical knife just a little deeper than before

Disturbed by the fact that their next birthday would still matter

Frustrated that it shouldn't even be at the forefront of anything

Wondered when the hurt and disappointment will disappear

First loves tended to leave the strongest bullseye on the mark

A permanent reminder of their part of your past that never leaves

Influencing the future and how the next relationship entered into

A little more skeptical than before about true love and honesty

Disgusted by anything reeking of genuine sentimentality

Affection seemed like a thing from another planet lost to all

Dreaded the idea of having to put on another brave face

To meet someone new and could be simply pretending

Wearing a mask to hide that they're a wolf in sheep's clothing

Going on first dates as if preparing for another job interview

Seeing if they're worth taking the next step with

Annoyed that my judgment foundation started to crumble

No longer seemed sound enough to trust the right people

Was told that the healing process going through was normal

Had some ups and downs before finding the right path to go on

Patience was never a virtue to behold by this narrator

Wanted instant gratification and quick results without dealing with it

Sadly, cannot bypass this emotionally sinking feeling

Simply need to find a life raft and ride the wave until the end

Lousy way to heal; only option available at the moment.

Comments

heather92383 (author) from Mt. Laurel, NJ on June 10, 2020:

Thanks Beth. I don't know why it's hitting me all of a sudden. It's been months, but I think it's also mainly this working from home stuff that's bringing it up.

Beth Perry from Tennesee on June 09, 2020:

So sorry you are going through a rough time. But I enjoyed reading the attractive way you laid it out.