Sayonara, Wonderland

Heather has a Bachelor's Degree in English from Moravian College and has been freelance writing for more than 13 years.

Surprise, surprise. Here it goes again and again.

Another go around on the slippery slope of the dumped

Eager to always help others; not getting same thing in return

Downtrodden to the point near disgraceful steps

Won't break any rules of female empowerment in slightest

Have some form of dignity left after the demolition process

Only been three months, finally got the permits to rebuild

Searching for proper and healthy materials to restore the heart

Back to its former and romantic glory before all this occurred

Following the steps accordingly to the imaginary guidebook

Placed in front of me one day and told to read it cover to cover

Always the diligent student even after graduating college in 2006

Doing what I'm told and practicing the studies of a newly single lady

Taking it slowly each day and giving some room to breathe

Only human after all; mistakes can be made by the best of us

Good intentions haven't always gone according to plan

Been doing so well in my recovery program and making strides

Working on positive reinforcement and exercises

Writing about things that sometimes made me smile

Not focusing on the ones that upset me greatly

Had a fleeting impulse when checking social media

Went into my search engine and found a name

Blast from the not so distant past that opened a few doors

Allowed some minor old wounds to be reopened

Within a matter of seconds fell down the biggest rabbit hole in existence

Checking the pages connected to the repeat offender

Whose page was completely blocked from my prying eyes

Have not lifted the ban from checking into his comings and goings

No desire to go backwards into the bottomless pit I just climbed out of

Working extra hard to scrub their name and their close associates

From total social media existence; guilt by association sadly

Easier that way to just start fresh and not have any reminders of the past

An internet mind eraser to chase away the painful remnants

Drastic in measure to throw guilt on their siblings and other friends

Don't mean to be so rough in the matter

Just know where their loyalties will end up going to and it won't be me

Made some good memories with those family members

Will never regret meeting them at all; wished I was able to say goodbye

Tell them that it was nice to have known them

Shame it didn't work out between the Mad Hatter and this version of Alice

Won't get that opportunity because it was taken away by someone else

Nobody's fault but theirs of course

Time to climb out of this hole and move on to bigger and better plans

New year, new goals.