Return Lines Suck

Updated on December 29, 2018

Christmas Day has come and gone

No carols, sleigh bells, or jingly songs.

No family crowds no care in sight,

On to returning things we now dislike.

Despite the lines we persevere

With reasons dull and insincere

2 hours long, one sad cashier,

my toxic tongue, still cavalier.

I prayed for her an hour before,

With hordes of us now at her door

I swore that I would be real nice

a small return, that would suffice—

An hour past now I’ve forgot

The reason why I’m at this spot

My face now red and burning hot

I’d like a beer, a whiskey shot

What madness here has settled in?

With anger as a synonym

Our patience wearing very thin,

Plasma boiling straight through my skin

I said I prayed for her before,

Now for her head I’m calling for.

Just give the man his just return

This product sucks we’ve clearly learned

This time of year just be supine,

And know by now we’ve lost our minds

Just give us what we really need

A manager to intercede

Another soul to tear apart

Someone who knows the rules by heart

At least someone who’s semi-smart

Not you, some punk ass kid from start.

The lies contrived to make this swift,

To gift myself the proper gift

My money back I did insist,

I hoped the worker won’t resist

A song and dance, laid out once more,

Enough to get me out the door

With cash in hand no looking back,

A midday snack and then relax.

With one more store atop the list,

Another try to coexist.

If they create an animus,

I might seek some more cannabis.



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    • Pnknucklez profile imageAUTHOR

      Paul Neglia 

      18 months ago from Poughkeepsie, NY USA

      Thanks Verlie. It was awful, i may just keep everything next year. Thank you for your kind words.

    • snakeslane profile image

      Verlie Burroughs 

      18 months ago from Canada

      Fun write Paul. So brave to enter the fray on boxing day. I'm keeping all my gifts, taking to the thrift store what doesn't fit. No line-ups for me, sorry about thee... hahahe

    • Pnknucklez profile imageAUTHOR

      Paul Neglia 

      18 months ago from Poughkeepsie, NY USA

      Thanks John. With the three kids and relatives that dont communicate very well, i end up on these return lines too often. Its just chaos, and you know those cashiers dont want to deal with your crap and phony reasons for the returns. Im trying hard to instill that "its the thought" idea into my kids now so they dont celebrate Christmas for the wrong reasons. Thank you so much for your comments my friend and have a Happy New Year.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      18 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Haha, Paul I used to often be on the returns line after Christmas, but that’s a thing of the past. Now I am thankful for any gift I receive as they say “it’s the thought that counts.” This was a fun poem, I enjoyed it.


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