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When I Stood Alone: A Poem

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Poetry is one of Lori's favorite ways to share memories, to express feelings, and share what inspires her, so others might be inspired.

Myself at age three or four.

Myself at age three or four.

Shattered girl finds hope

As a very small child, I experienced a devastating trauma that would disappear from memory until my mid-forties. The trauma profoundly, and negatively influenced and affected the way I felt, behaved, and saw myself and the world, despite the fact that I blocked the event for decades. My mother said I was just a sober child when people commented that I looked sad. Of my two sisters and I, I was considered the fragile, sensitive one. It was thought that that was just my makeup - I was born that way. Perhaps to a certain extent, I was, but as I look back on my life, I realize that the periodic melancholy that came over and relentlessly pursued me throughout my life, was a result of that early childhood trauma.

I am happy to say I enjoyed lots of laughter and fun in my life as well. Though we had typical family problems and a few untypical ones, there was also laughter. My dad was hilarious, my mom could be quite funny, and I found myself unconsciously emulating my dad's humor. My sisters also could really be a hoot. It was infectious, really. Once dad or mom started, it caught on. Sometimes we girls would start the ball rolling. My dad's extended family were all hilarious people, despite their brokenness. My mother's family were very cheerful, fun, and extremely loving. Each side of the family was very different, but there was lots of love and laughter on both sides.

The saving grace of my life was having been taught that God loved me unconditionally. My maternal grandmother was a Christian Scientist. I don't hold to, agree with, or in anyway follow their teachings; however, one thing I learned from Christian Scientists was the love of God for me. It became instinctual to talk to God quietly in my mind and heart throughout the day throughout my childhood. I couldn't get enough of the Bible stories I heard in Sunday school and on my grandmother's lap. The teachings of my grandmother's religion brought a lot of confusion to me. So I enjoyed immensely Bible stories and tried to ignore the theological nonsense. When I was twenty-three years old, I found Jesus was the Savior who, though I didn't know Him by name as a child, held me together, loved me, and pursued me. I just knew Him as God the Father. In 1979, I learned who Christ was and took Him into my heart.

Sitting on a grassy sand dune

This poem is based on a little painting I found many years ago at a yard sale, just when the memories of my trauma began to invade my life. When I saw the picture, I was transported to being that lonely, sad little girl - little Lori. The painting shows a small child sitting on a grassy sand dune watching the ocean. When I saw it I began to weep. That little girl was me, so many years ago; a retreating moment where I tried to process the unidentifiable anguish, abandonment, and fear of life I felt. When I look at this little girl, I know that is me, communing with God on that dune; He, filling the void of loneliness that overtook me sometimes. I felt His love.

In the painting, the little girl's hair is blond. One day I decided to draw the same picture, but gave the little girl red hair, as that was the color of my hair in my early childhood. You can only see her from behind. You cannot see her little face. After I drew a very good copy of that painting with red hair, I copied it and sent it to my mother. She said she gasped when she saw it. "That was my little girl. You looked exactly like that. It is so much your personality as a child." She wept too.

When I sat alone as a child on grassy dune...

When I sat alone as a child on grassy dune...

When I Stood Alone

When I stood alone

as a child on the shore,

I watched the ocean crashing,

like the fear that dashed me sore.

Waves battered the rocky crags,

Pain buffeted my soul,

carving jagged edges,

into a life that once was whole.


I began to wonder,

Would life ever shine for me?

Would my heart ever know acceptance?

A life unfettered and free?

Would hope ever glimmer?

Would I ever know delight?

Would I ever kiss with wonder?

Would darkness ever turn to light?

... carving jagged edges, into a life that once was whole.

... carving jagged edges, into a life that once was whole.

When I walked alone

as a child on hot sand,

I knew the burn of trauma,

grains of sorrow to withstand.

Searing pain of delicate youth,

scorching marrow and bone,

a precious childhood blistered,

febrile and alone.


I began to wonder,

Would life ever feel like home?

Would I ever taste the fruit of trust?

Could laughter replace this groan?

Would I ever know the sacredness

of lilies in a field?

Or blowing on a dandelion,

with glee unconcealed.

When I walked alone as a child on hot sand.

When I walked alone as a child on hot sand.

When I sat alone,

as a child on grassy dune,

the wind blew through my tresses,

and caressed my spirit through.

It ushered in the breeze of hope,

the whispering of a promise,

of healing and refreshment,

of love eternal and flawless.


I began to wonder,

Is this a love that I can trust?.

And will it last forever?

Or will it turn to dust?

Is this a hope that will endure?

Or is it teasing fare?

I want to believe it's more than a dream,

That God will always care.


When I stood alone,

as a child wading shallow,

I felt the Lord drawing near,

A Rescuer to hallow.

His arms outstretched, He beckoned me,

I ran to His embrace,

I heard his heart beating love,

I'd found my resting place.

God's comfort is available to you in your suffering

Have you suffered trauma in your life? Have you or are you struggling through deep grief and loss of a dear loved one? Has tragedy, hardship, or trials buffeted you? Do you feel abandoned and alone?

Know this: You are never alone! God is right there beside you. He will walk you through this if you only turn to Him. He is there in your heartache. He knows what heartache is first hand, as in Isaiah 53 we learn that Christ was "A man of sorrows, acquainted with grief" (vs. 3), and that is why He can and will be your greatest comfort and strength. In 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 we read, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."

With all the love and comfort God gives us, we are then empowered and able to go out and comfort others. We spread what we've received. I hope I've done just that through this poem and article.

© 2014 Lori Colbo

Comments

Lori Colbo (author) from Pacific Northwest on September 01, 2016:

Sharon, I'm happy to say I'm no longer that sad and lonely. Thanks for stopping by.

Shyron E Shenko from Texas on September 01, 2016:

Lori, your poem is so, so, beautiful. Sorry that you were such a sad and lonely little girl.

Blessings Always my friend

Lori Colbo (author) from Pacific Northwest on September 11, 2015:

Thank you for your response Manatita44. I'm glad it inspired you. God bless.

manatita44 from london on September 11, 2015:

Powerful and necessary poem. Many of us need this, I feel. Inspirational!

Lori Colbo (author) from Pacific Northwest on March 24, 2015:

Hi Phyllis, I am sorry I did not see the notification of your comments. Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your comments. I am happy to know that sharing my experience will help others to know they're not alone. We are sisters in the journey. Blessings.

Phyllis Doyle Burns from High desert of Nevada. on January 20, 2015:

Lori, Faith Reaper was so right to include this hub in her most memorable lines of 2014. Your poem is so beautiful, Lori - it really touched my heart for related moments I had in life as a young child. Thank you for writing this beautiful article.

Daphne D. Lewis from Saint Albans, West Virginia on January 17, 2015:

You're welcome!

Lori Colbo (author) from Pacific Northwest on January 11, 2015:

Daphne, thanks so much for sharing your story with me. Traumatic head injuries are very difficult. I am sorry for your battle, but like me, it sounds as if the Lord carried you. I am happy you had Christian parents. Blessings Daphne. I pray tonight for God to use your story to turn others to Him. Thanks for stopping by.

Daphne D. Lewis from Saint Albans, West Virginia on January 11, 2015:

A beautiful poem! The photo of you in front of the fireplace is very much like one of my photos at about the same age. My little chair there was a black rocking chair which I still have in my bedroom now. After a head injury many years ago, there were days when God/Jesus was all that was there for me, and I thanked my parents for the Christian background which gave me that.

Lori Colbo (author) from Pacific Northwest on December 27, 2014:

Hi Best, the beach can bring peace and be cathartic. Thank you for your comment.

Best of Aying from Philippines on December 27, 2014:

Thank you for sharing this poem to us. I felt so amazed in seeing the painting. Actually, during my trying times when I was young, I usually went to the seashore. I sat on the sand and watched the horizon.

Susan from USA on November 18, 2014:

Amen. :)

Lori Colbo (author) from Pacific Northwest on November 17, 2014:

WhomtheSonsetFree, thank you so much for your comments. No one gets out of suffering. We all suffer in different ways and degrees. Jesus said "In this world you shall have tribulation, but take heart, I have overcome the world." what a blessed thing to Have Him, eh?

Susan from USA on November 17, 2014:

Lori I loved that you shared your heart with us. I expect that all of us have suffered in varying degrees and in many ways. I just find it absolutely amazing how He can come in and make all the difference in our lives. I know that to be true in my own life.

Again, thank you for sharing your story and your lovely poem. GOD bless you. :)

Lori Colbo (author) from Pacific Northwest on November 17, 2014:

Audrey, thank you so much for the hug, prayers and thoughtful words. Hugs and prayer right back at you.

Anil and Honey, that's for stopping by and liking my pebble words (wink).

Brother Bill, of everything I have ever written, this was the most deeply personal, meaningful, and cathartic. I was just reliving here and giving witness to others that we never suffer alone, and God can use our suffering for his glory. If one person can be helped or drawn to the Lord it will be worth revealing something so personal. I appreciate you.

William Kovacic from Pleasant Gap, PA on November 17, 2014:

Wow Lori,

This was powerful, and I know encouraging to so many. I heard once that it takes a life to touch a life. I believe that's what I see here. God has used all the circumstances of your life to make an impact on many. Only eternity will reveal how many? Thank you, Sister. You've touched me!

Anil from Kerala on November 17, 2014:

Nice, nice, nice... very interesting and lovely poem. I love your pebble-words.

Audrey Hunt from Idyllwild Ca. on November 17, 2014:

Lori,

I want to give you a big, warm, safe hug. How tender and sad this beautiful poem is. Writing is a wonderful way to release painful times in our life.

You are now and always in my prayers. Love to you, beautiful Lori.

Audrey

Lori Colbo (author) from Pacific Northwest on November 16, 2014:

AngeShearer, I rejoice with you in finding the Savior. My He bring healing and fountains of joy evermore.

Eric, thank you for stopping by, I am glad the poem blessed you.

Rachell, I know we share some commonalities in this life. I am so glad the Lord has helped us both.

Jodah, friend from down under, I am glad the poem touched you. That touch is from the Lord.

billybuc, I love your way with words - icing on this delicious cake. Yes, there is such power in our testimonies. Blessings and stay warm.

FaithReaper, it is nice to know your real name now. I love the name Theresa, always have. I love you and your heart for he Lord, and how He uses you to bless so many on HP's. Hugs.

suzzette, heart wrenching and beautiful indeed. I believe the term is poignant. The Lord is good to me and the Lord is good to you. PTL!!!

SAQ, difficult in writing in that so many emotions were flowing as I remembered andwrote. But the paining, which I did not share because I don't know the artist and don't have his permission, was the perfect guide for the word pictures. Thank you for your expressing your appreciation. May the Lord bless you with every spiritual blessing.

SAQIB from HYDERABAD PAKISTAN on November 16, 2014:

Cute, from the core of heart and simply appreciable poem

I loved these lines:

When I sat alone,

as a child on grassy dune,

the wind blew through my tresses,

caressing my spirit through.

It ushered in the breeze of hope,

the whispering of a promise,

of healing and refreshment,

of love eternal and flawless.

Go on. These are superb lines, simple yet so difficult to write and describe shortly.

Suzette Walker from Taos, NM on November 16, 2014:

A heart wrenching but beautiful story and quite insprational. I am glad you found solace in God and Jesus Christ. Thanks for sharing your story with us.

Faith Reaper from southern USA on November 16, 2014:

Dear precious Daughter of the King, Lori,

Thank you for sharing your powerful testimony and God's unending love and pursuit of you through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

When I saw the photo of you as a young child and read your stunningly beautiful poem, it is all so overwhelming and brought tears. I find it amazing that God created our minds to block such devastating trauma from our memories until a time as He knows we are ready to face such trauma and reveal truth. I had many of the same experiences of knowing God as a child and His pursuit of me, and then I came into that beautiful relationship with our Savior. It was at that moment, truth began to be revealed to me like never before.

This is one of the best articles I have read here of late.

God bless you. In His Love Always, your Sister in Christ, Theresa aka Faith Reaper

Up ++++ tweeting, G+ and sharing

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on November 16, 2014:

Sharing our personal experiences is such a powerful tool for a writer...giving us background to go with this lovely poem was the icing on a delicious cake. Thanks for sharing a part of your life, Lori.

John Hansen from Queensland Australia on November 15, 2014:

Well written and touching poem and hub in general lambservant. Thank you for sharing.

Rachael O'Halloran from United States on November 15, 2014:

Your story and accompanying poem touched my heart, as I too endured a devastating trauma in my life. And through it all, God loved me and I loved Him.

Still do. :)

Eric Dierker from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A. on November 15, 2014:

An inspiring and heart rending story and poetry. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Angie Shearer from Whangarei, Northland on November 15, 2014:

Lori I just love your poem....it brought back many memories I have had as a child teenager and adult. I have just found my Savior Jesus Christ and I love him more everyday....my world is a much more happier place as he has helped me thru some very dark times and now I walk in the light of his arms xx thankyou for sharing just beautiful