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Remember What He Said

Remember What He Said

He said I fell apart when I got the news

I remember holding it together

I remember calling everyone

To make sure they were okay

He said seeing me torn apart was unbearable

I remember holding it together

I remember caring for everyone

To make sure her memory never left them

He said it hurt him to see me like that

I remember holding it together

I remember hiding my pain

To exemplify the strength she instilled in me

He said seeing me broken destroyed him

I remember holding him together

I remember my hands shaking when he held them

To keep me from falling apart

He said he didn’t want to be there

I remember asking for his support

I remember feeling hollow when he held me

To make sure I wouldn’t fail my family again

He said the abuse was my fault

I remember trying to understand why

I remember not wanting to let go just

To hold on to what I thought held me together

He said no one would ever love me like he did

I remember believing him

I remember holding on when he said to let go

To understand why I would never be good enough

He said I was never the same after she passed

I remember the strength and courage I had that day

I remember the day he refused

To admit that wasn't the day that broke me

He said he saw me torn on the couch

I remember feeling nothing as he held it to my lips

I remember watching my strength and courage leave

I remember him handing me artificial love

To keep me from leaving his side

He said he wasn't using me

I remember a friend urging me to open my eyes

I remember a friend suggesting I was his hustle

To use as needed for supporting his habit

He said it would help me through it

I remember the flame and silver glimmering

I remember all of his promises

To remove the pain if I just do as he says:

“Just inhale and hold it in.”

I remember he said the time would fly by quickly.

“Just inhale and hold it in.”

I remember the feeling of euphoria and bliss

“Just inhale and hold it in.”

I remember I felt frozen as he stroked my back.

“Just inhale and hold it in.”

He said everything would be alright.

I remember an overpowering rush of warmth

I remember experiencing something I've never felt before

I remember the debilitating calm as he swore

To end the suffering and start a new one with him

© 2021 Grace Peterson

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