Remember What He Said
Remember What He Said
He said I fell apart when I got the news
I remember holding it together
I remember calling everyone
To make sure they were okay
He said seeing me torn apart was unbearable
I remember holding it together
I remember caring for everyone
To make sure her memory never left them
He said it hurt him to see me like that
I remember holding it together
I remember hiding my pain
To exemplify the strength she instilled in me
He said seeing me broken destroyed him
I remember holding him together
I remember my hands shaking when he held them
To keep me from falling apart
He said he didn’t want to be there
I remember asking for his support
I remember feeling hollow when he held me
To make sure I wouldn’t fail my family again
He said the abuse was my fault
I remember trying to understand why
I remember not wanting to let go just
To hold on to what I thought held me together
He said no one would ever love me like he did
I remember believing him
I remember holding on when he said to let go
To understand why I would never be good enough
He said I was never the same after she passed
I remember the strength and courage I had that day
I remember the day he refused
To admit that wasn't the day that broke me
He said he saw me torn on the couch
I remember feeling nothing as he held it to my lips
I remember watching my strength and courage leave
I remember him handing me artificial love
To keep me from leaving his side
He said he wasn't using me
I remember a friend urging me to open my eyes
I remember a friend suggesting I was his hustle
To use as needed for supporting his habit
He said it would help me through it
I remember the flame and silver glimmering
I remember all of his promises
To remove the pain if I just do as he says:
“Just inhale and hold it in.”
I remember he said the time would fly by quickly.
“Just inhale and hold it in.”
I remember the feeling of euphoria and bliss
“Just inhale and hold it in.”
I remember I felt frozen as he stroked my back.
“Just inhale and hold it in.”
He said everything would be alright.
I remember an overpowering rush of warmth
I remember experiencing something I've never felt before
I remember the debilitating calm as he swore
To end the suffering and start a new one with him
© 2021 Grace Peterson
