Guilty Fear of Redemption
You don't hear my words you'll understand my motives eventually.
When I first met you, I could relate just thought it would be great to repeat history I was around the same age too.
As time moved along you called me dad out of the blue.
I was nervous as hell though.
Now I had set my own expectations.
The dad I always dreamed about teach you right from wrong.
Remember the first video game you played when you were three?
Well one day i was playing call of duty.
You took an interest joining me in a match of zombies.
I'll never forget you gave me a chance.
Every night mom would sing you lullabies to go to sleep.
Dad would always be there when you woke up scared from a nightmare.
Lying in bed with you comforting until you fell back asleep peacefully.
When your brother was born you seemed distant starting to act different.
Trust me son I noticed just so you know I love you both the same.
He just needed a bit more attention while you were gaining responsibility.
I wasn't trying to be hard; I know your smart all it was just to challenge preparation for life.
I know you ask yourself this, it wasn't your fault I left.
I just couldn't deal with myself an seeing the environment, I was starting to put you guys' in. After arguments with your mother, I'd be damned if i repeat that part of history again.
So, I figured leaving was the best outlet.
I regret that choice every day, I wish i would have stayed and managed it.
Now i am forced to raise you from a distance.
From time to time, I look at your baby pictures on my dresser.
I know you haven't looked at the messages but since September I write to you when you cross my mind.
Typically, on a holiday or when I have the time, I hope one day I get a response.
I know you block the feelings and hold them against me.
I just hope one day you accept my explanation.
© 2021 Cory Dye