Nyesha loves writing about cooking/recipes, restaurants, movies, weddings, and poetry.
Recluse
Recluse – A Poem
I am becoming a reclusive writer,
pulling an all-nighter.
Relationships with other spirits
are becoming exhausting.
I went from being a social creature
to just finding it daunting.
And when I write,
I don’t need to talk.
I can get really quiet.
Just give me a pencil, pen, or even chalk.
Or give me the computer
to type out my words.
Soon people will say
have you recently heard
anything from her?
The answer will be no,
you have not heard a peep.
You have not heard me speak
but you could look to my writing
for the thoughts that I keep.
Reclusive is considered strange.
Reclusive is considered weird.
But my energy has been depleted
and zapped,
something that I feared
would happen.
So I’ll just keep to myself for a while
as a recluse
until I can be of better use
to the rest of my fellow members
of society.
Like a wilted plant,
I will one day bloom again.
I will not regret the
time that I spent
trying and trying
to make things better.
Every phone call.
Every letter.
I know that you can
occasionally relate
to what I am going through,
when you try and you try
but no matter what you do,
someone seems to have a
problem with you.
When my energy is replenished
and I am feeling fortified,
then I can share myself with others again.
Until then, I will just be a recluse.
In the past year,
I cried,
I cried,
I almost died
from the grief
of trying to nurture
some human relationships
when there was just
too much animosity,
like they say, “too much beef”
Someone will say to him,
“You have some kind of beef with her?
But she is so nice.”
And then he will say that
“You better think twice.
She is not very nice at all.
She is very feisty and
she has had a lot of gall.”
He will then say,
“She was always running her mouth,
speaking up for herself
like she had just read
a self-help book off the shelf.”
But then some will say,
“the last thing that I heard
about her was that she recently
stepped away from everything
and became a recluse.”
I do not know how
that is going to work for me.
People are meant to be social.
But I will be back
out of the woodwork soon.
I never stay quiet for too long.
My guess is that soon
I will become more vocal.
Until then, I will enjoy
being a recluse.
That is my nature.
If he is going to hate me,
then I will just
see him later.
I will shut it all down
and just say,
“Starting today,
I will just be a recluse.”
Until all of that pent up energy
needs to be let loose
then I will show up
on the scene
seeming somewhat serene.
Some will ask me
Where have you been?
I will say, ‘have ya’ll missed me?’
They will think,
this lady is peculiar.
I will be ready to dance
at a dance party,
saying, ‘This song is my jam!’
They will think, “was her being a recluse
all a sham?”
They will say,
“There she is dancing.
I thought she was so reserved.”
He will be there and he will say,
“No, that is just what you had observed.
I know a different side of her
and there it is now.
Wow.
She is quite an enigma,
dancing indeed.
She got over being a recluse
with great speed.”
© 2018 Nyesha Pagnou MPH
