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Dedicated to Stepmothers With Love

MsDora—parent, grandparent, Christian counselor—offers suggestions on raising confident, conscientious, responsible, productive children.

Dedicated to Stepmothers

Dedicated to Stepmothers

There is a certain monumental act which goes unnoticed, though it deserves the world’s applause. It is the choice to become a mother to another woman's child.

Motherhood has its challenges, and step-mothers often have a double share. Their children experience multiple layers of emotions which are overwhelming. It is not unusual for one of them, in an attempt to throw a jab at the confusion, throw it at the mother instead. Most times, the child shows immediate regret, and a mother’s heart forgives.

The following poem tells the story of a step-mother who struggles to win the hearts of her two step-daughters.

Poem: Heart of A Mother

“You’re not my mother,” she screamed at me;
I heard the anger in her voice.
She could no longer ignore me;
‘Twas time for her to make a choice
Between accepting my wise counsel
And denying that I was around;
Ever since her father had married me
She thought my advice was unsound.

“You’re not my mother,” the younger joined in;
The echo did not surprise me.
The girls teamed up to create a hell
Whenever we did not agree.
Ready to date at age fifteen
And thirteen—too young by my book;
Their father requested my input
So there I stood with a caring look.

“I’m not your mother,” I gently said,
“But how I wish I could have been;
You’re two very special young women
Based on potential that I’ve seen.
I’m not surprised that those two young men
Are anxious to be your first dates;
Good women are hard to come by,
Whether as girlfriends or as mates.

“I’m not your mother,” I rubbed it in.
“But you need a mother’s insight
To help interpret the ways of men
When wrong seems so much like the right.
It’s not that you’re foolish or wayward;
Not that I wish to see you frown
But I’d like the chance to guide you,
To love you like my very own.

“True, my womb never could produce you
But my heart doesn’t seem to know;
My bosom desires to hold you
To nurture and shield as you grow.
I’m looking ahead to the future
When a man noble like your dad
Come seeking a shrewd, worthy woman
Who showed tact when pursued by a lad."

The older one hung her head a bit
And wiped a teardrop from her face.
The younger one took that as her cue
And shuffled to my embrace.
“I’m not your mother,” I started to say,
“Forgive me,” sobbed one, then the other.
My heart forgave them as soon as they asked,
For mine’s the heart of a mother.

A Quick Heads Up

"You're not my mother," is a statement a stepmother can expect to hear. If she does not hear it, it is time to thank God that her relationship with her step-child is better than average.

James Lehman, MSW counsels that when a child says those words, it is an attempt to:

  • take away the parent's power;
  • invite the parent to a fight.

The child's hurtful words are not to be taken personally; the child would have said it to any other woman. It is probably just the child's way to create a situation in which he or she can release anger, frustration, confusion or any other negative emotion.

The advise is for the mother to stick to her mother's role. Be firm but remain approachable. Say nothing judgmental about the biological parents and grasp every opportunity to be loving.

5 Encouragement Quotes for Stepmothers

  1. "You can have a meaningful, loving, influential relationship with your stepchildren, but it will be different from that between a mother and child. That's okay. Embrace it, and make the most of it." ―Lindsay Ferrier
  2. "Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother." ―Oprah Winfrey
  3. "Stepparents are not around to replace a biological parent, rather to augment a child's life experience." —Azriel Johnson
  4. "I want to say this to every stepmother: take it a little easier, try not to be so insistent, try not to have your desires dominate. . . The moment you step back from whatever it is that exasperates you, you get an unrestricted view of the situation—and you can take a breath before you move forward." ―Margit Eva Bernard
  5. "Children only want to please. If you just care and love and pay attention, they will respond and fill your heart." ―Shadra Bruce

Another Article for Stepmothers

© 2011 Dora Weithers

Comments

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on July 22, 2020:

Eno, there really is no ministry more important than nurturing children to love God and follow His direction. You inspire me with your attitude, and I pray His blessings on your efforts. The children will appreciate your parenting and you husband will honor you.

EnoMB on July 19, 2020:

Hi MsDora

Excellent morning to you. Just stumbled on this peace and it gladdens my heart so much. I happen to be a Bonus Mum to 3 wonderful children and I have been doing so solely now for 4 years out of the 9years of marriage because my hubby lives abroad. Sometimes it can be tough as 3 of them are teenagers now but i encourage myself in the Lord because I now understand that its a role of ministry and service to God. I'm looking forward to when they are more mature so they can appreciate what they have been blessed with. I'm so eager to change the narrative that step mums are not always evil.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on August 15, 2016:

Shyron, I am so impressed by women who are so kind to children who are not biologically theirs. Some children have received the best training they could possibly have from these women.

Shyron E Shenko from Texas on August 11, 2016:

MsDora, you are not my mother

But, what an honor had you been

To guide and love me

And teach me right from wrong

To avoid all sin.

How absolutely beautiful

Blessings my friend

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on August 08, 2016:

Thanks Teaches. Those women who step into the role of mother for other women's children truly deserve the recognition.

Dianna Mendez on August 08, 2016:

I thank God for those women in my life who stepped in to support my mother's teachings with me. This is such a beautiful encouragement for those who serve as mothers to so many others.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on May 17, 2015:

Akriti, thank you and God bless you!

Akriti Mattu from Shimla, India on May 17, 2015:

So heart warming .Voted up :-)

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on May 07, 2015:

Word, your Mom deserves this kind of applause too. Hope she received much appreciation from those children. Thank for telling her story and making your observations.

Al Wordlaw from Chicago on May 07, 2015:

Tolerable describes the attitude in this situation. One must be quite patient as well under these circumstances. I'm sure there are millions of mothers that deserve high accolades in similar situations. My mom was a foster parent for over 20 years to at least, 7 children besides rearing 6 boys of her own. Thank you for sharing MsDora.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on May 07, 2015:

Peg, Happy Mothers Day! So glad you like the poem. Hope all is well.

Peg Cole from Northeast of Dallas, Texas on May 07, 2015:

This beautifully expressed lesson really touched my heart, MsDora. It's so deeply meaningful and important to someone like me who was a step mom.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on April 29, 2015:

Peachy, thanks for underscoring the truth that there are good stepmothers. I agree with you and I honor every one of them.

peachy from Home Sweet Home on April 28, 2015:

not all step moms are bad, they aren't cinderella or sleeping beauty mommies.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on May 04, 2013:

Sweet Epistles, glad you enjoyed the poem. Thank you for your encouragement.

June from From the Heart of God on May 03, 2013:

I truly loved it and enjoyed so much reading every lines, it's rich with golden word . Thank you for the inspiration Ms.Dora.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on May 02, 2013:

Faith Reaper, glad you enjoyed the poem, and glad you enjoyed a healthy mother-daughter relationship. Thanks for your kind comments.

Faith Reaper from southern USA on May 02, 2013:

Hi MsDora,

I really enjoyed this beautiful tribute to the heart of a mother. I don't know what I would have done if it were not for my sweet and precious mother in this life! Her heart was pure gold and her love, always there.

Very profound poem.

God bless you. In His Love, Faith Reaper

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on May 01, 2013:

Thank you, Linda. Glad the poem touch you, probably because yours is also the heart of a mother.

Linda Compton from The Land of Enchantment on May 01, 2013:

Beautiful, Ms. Dora. Insightful, rich, and deeply moving. Thank you! L.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on February 20, 2013:

Thanks, Oceansider. Glad you enjoyed the poem.

oceansider on February 20, 2013:

I love your poetry Ms Dora.....very beautiful and touching!

Thank you, I enjoyed reading your hub very much.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on February 20, 2013:

Thanks, Frank. So glad you like the poem!

Frank Atanacio from Shelton on February 20, 2013:

this was fantastic Ms Dora :)

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on August 08, 2012:

Thanks, IntegrityYes. You sure know how to energize a spirit.

IntegrityYes on August 07, 2012:

Rock on,Dora! That is powerful.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on July 23, 2012:

You probably told her in your actions if not in words, but you didn't know better. Your attitude now is what matters. Thank God for forgiveness!

Fotinoula Gypsyy from NYC BABY on July 23, 2012:

This was beautiful and I could relate in that I was once the teenage "daughter", well niece. My aunt took me and my sister in and raised us from 13 and on, and I probably told her she wasn't my mother. As a teenager I'm almost SURE it happened, hehe. Well now I'm older and I appreciate her and show it. Thanks for sharing this wonderful piece.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on June 19, 2012:

Thanks, rajan. You comment is true of any woman who appreciates the title of mother.

Rajan Singh Jolly from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar, INDIA. on June 19, 2012:

Beautiful and poignant. Your writing it in the 1st person makes it a strong poem.

The feelings of a mother are universally same whether the child is her own or is adopted.

Voted up & beautiful.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on June 11, 2012:

Thanks articles, for your affirmation. I appreciate your votes.

Saira Sheikh from London, United Kingdom on June 11, 2012:

This is a great poem! i liked these lines " I’m not your mother,” I gently said,

“But how I wish I could have been; You’re two very special young women,Based on potential that I’ve seen.

I’m not surprised that those two young men

Are anxious to be your first dates" ,

The reason for liking these lines is because it's happening with parents who have teenage girls, this is the present reality. I love the way you have written it! Voted up, beautiful and awesome!

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on May 14, 2012:

Thanks, Thelma. Blessings to you, also.

Thelma Alberts from Germany and Philippines on May 14, 2012:

Beautiful!!! Thanks for sharing this. Have a great day!

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on May 14, 2012:

Samanthajae, I'm happy for the effect the poem has on you. My response is similar. Our mothers deserve all the gratitude we can give.

samanthajae on May 13, 2012:

Hi MsDora, that's a very nice poem! Reading this hub makes me more grateful for my mom too. Thanks for sharing.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on May 10, 2012:

Thanks moonlake, for the vote, the compliment and your support. I appreciate you.

moonlake from America on May 10, 2012:

Very beautiful. I love reading about mothers this morning. So many good hubs. Your mother is a very pretty lady. Voted up

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on January 10, 2012:

Thanks Maestro. I hope you find my other articles as beautiful and touching. I appreciate the blessing and pray the same for you.

MaestroECMcCloud from Lexington, South Carolina on January 09, 2012:

Simply beautiful and very touching. If this is any indication of your work, I look forward to reading some more on here. May God continue to bless and keep you.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on November 16, 2011:

Ahhh Sofs! That's so precious. Thanks for your encouragement.

Sophie on November 16, 2011:

This is beautiful! But, I love it more for the wealth of wisdom in your words. Thank you for sharing your wisdom as a mother.. I guess the world is in need of it.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on November 10, 2011:

Thanks, Sky9106. I appreciate your very kind comments. Blessings to you, also.

Sky9106 from A beautiful place on earth. on November 09, 2011:

This is simply great , I must not hesitate to say it, that had anyone been in those girls stead they would also had melted. That's what I see sadly missing in these times . "The Truth" A great pleasure to follow your work , and it's quite a story from the first I read months ago, but give God the praise .

I particularly love this :

In an attempt to throw a jab at the confusion, throw it at the mother instead.

No questions on the thumbs up and goodies.

Great mother and daughter picture .

Blessings I look forward..

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on November 05, 2011:

Thanks, Xenonlit, for your encouragement. Cheers to you, too!

Xenonlit on November 05, 2011:

You tell such a powerful story in great lyrical form. Cheers!

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on November 05, 2011:

Hi Denise. I'm sure you'll have lots of opportunity to make good on your wish; but don't be surprised that those children knew how much you cared. They understand much more than they let on. Your good works will bear fruit.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on November 05, 2011:

Thanks anndavis25, for the recognition. I choose to believe you.

Denise W Anderson from Bismarck, North Dakota on November 04, 2011:

As a former foster parent, I wish I would have had these words to say to the children who came into our home. It would have helped ease many a difficult moment where I wanted so much to tell them I cared, but didn't know how. Thanks for your example.

anndavis25 from Clearwater, Fl. on November 04, 2011:

Turning the other cheek! That's Biblical. And it works. Congratulations - now you're a poet!

Up and awesome.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on November 04, 2011:

Thanks Wookie. I appreciate your comment.

Thanks you, Zabbella. Serious subject-serious love. You're right about that!

Zabbella from NJ-USA on November 04, 2011:

Oh MsDora, that was beautiful! It put a lot of love on a very serious subject.

WookieWonderfuls from London, UK on November 04, 2011:

Thank you, this is beautiful :)

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on November 04, 2011:

Thanks, quatrain. The line you picked states a truth that mothers, and all concerned, need to understand. Thanks for your encouragement.

quatrain on November 04, 2011:

Well done. What a gift for language you have. I am giving this a thumbs up and bookmarking it. Loved the line"It is not unusual for one of them, in an attempt to throw a jab at the confusion, throw it at the mother instead".