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Poem: Chasing Chemicals

My name is Candice Ballinger, I am a recovering addict and schizophrenic God-fearing Christian, who loves all things writing.


Chasing Chemicals

Confusion wrapped in silk

wrapped around my throat

it's soft and tight

I'm fond of the feeling,

I can tell I won't be sleeping

drenched in sobering truth,

trapped without a noose

remember my smile,

the real one

you know the one;

the one you haven't seen in a while

picture me with a pen

the writing soothes my pain

shows me I am real,

I'm only dying on the inside

my physical wounds eventually heal,

but my mind is a desert land;

draining every last drop;

of sanity left in sight

love the way I lied;

to shelter you from the storm

that only I could experience

my own personal hell,

wrapped in cotton and polyester

sitting on your couch,

I imagine I am the wind

drifting through the cracks

always trying to get in

but never being recognized

her invisible form commends

trapping her without a friend;

not a single soul to win

lost without a sign

no way to bring back the time,

show me I'm not insane

you can't bring yourself to realize the pain

so I sit and I suffer alone,

it's okay I know how to fib

I'm fine is my number one line.

just believe it and leave me to cry.

© 2021 Candice Ballinger

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