Part Two of a Happy Ever After
Nothing is Permanent
I.
After being freed from bondage and abusive relationship
My time was solely focus in work
Spent 16 to 24 hours inside my office
I did not mind the pressure
I craved for it
Unnoticed the passing hours
The ticking of clock did not exist
Breaks and offs not even
24/7 at work
I literally drowned myself.
II.
I wanted to be busier
I don’t want my mind lurking on events I want to forget
Concentrated on the tasks
Got better with it
Appreciated by my bosses
Raised my position to supervisor
I worked even harder
Made my way from an ordinary employee to someone of position
I loved the challenges
I adored the hurdles I need to overcome
III.
Loved the people assigned to me
Helped my siblings finish school
To cope with the trauma I resorted to giving
The more I share, the better I feel
The more I give, I am healing faster
At work I remained
Passionate
Dedicated
Innovative
It became my addiction
IV.
Promotion came as a manager
At the age of 25
It was bliss
My work became my life
I go out but not too much
With friends or colleagues, seldom
Alone, yes
I feel safer
Tried my best to get out of my protective shell
I needed to
I have to!
V.
Finally did after a few years of freedom
I am naturally a happy person
Optimistic
Funny in my own way
Was able to break my cocoon open
Spread my wings
Show the people around me the real me
I trusted more
I laugh a lot
Became a confidante of the people I am managing
I went out more often and rewarded myself
VI.
My family accepted me again
I vowed to help my 7 siblings finish school
I owe my parent so much
They are old
Help and care they need
Richelle became a teacher
Rose, another teacher
Orlando became like me, a nurse
Ronald finished HRM
Then the first Engineer, Rommel
VII.
Never been out of the country
Rode an airplane only once
I traveled within the country
Never cared much for material things
My cell phone and gadgets always out of date
Not bothered
So long as the bills are paid and groceries in the house
Allowances and tuition fees are paid
My life revolved on making people around me happy
It made me happy and at peace.
VIII.
Another Engineer in the family, Regina graduated
And last but not least, Raquel
Another teacher in the family
After the last sibling graduated
I asked myself what’s next
Was not prepared for that
Who
Where
What
Should I focus on this time?
IX.
One thing I always forget
Me
I forgot myself in the healing process
I was mending my broken relationships with family
Trying my best to be the daughter and sister they expect me to be
Built skills apart from my real profession
Embraced the appreciation of my bosses
Molded and guided newbie employees
I felt that something is missing
Looked and looked and there I found…me
X.
I prayed to God
I needed guidance
I am lost without Him
My stubbornness makes me deaf and blind
He wanted something more for me
I needed to step back and look within me
The journey of healing is never easy
You can be blinded
You can be mislead
God is absolute; He took my hand to the right path.
XI.
I needed to change to follow God’s way
Was I scared?
Yes, I was
What if no one understands?
What if everything I have worked for will be messed up?
What if my time got wasted?
I can’t bring back time
I can lose the people I care about again
What about my job
Too many sacrifices
Is it worth the gain?
XII.
One accident put me in a coma for a month
No recollection of my hospital days
My mind until now has no memory of what really happened
They said I was crossing the pedestrian lane
A single motorcycle hit me hard
I had seven lacerations on my head
It knocked me out
Good thing there are really angels
A man and woman helped me out
Brought me to the hospital and kept my valuables safe
Never met them
XIII.
When I came back to the real world
After weeks of slumber on the hospital bed
I have no recollection of years and people in my life
Ironically not the greatest trauma though
No sense of smell until now
No sense of taste for a year
Can’t fully move my right jaw
My usual smile erased
Cannot work for two months
One year therapy for my head and jaw
I cried lots of times
I am a nurse that is why I know
No point in crying because it is done.
XIV.
When I returned to work
Hopeful
Excited
Ready to face the real world again
But I was mistaken
People I’ve worked with for years
Distant and not the same
Demoted from manager to a regular employee again
Even my bosses doubted my skills and capability
Hurt like a bitch
People you cared for and trained
Turned against you too
I was caught off guard
XV.
What did I do to deserve that?
I heard them talking about me on the rooftop and canteen
They wanted me out
I am not getting their position
Though it was previously mine
I have no intention to get revenge
It was not their decision
And maybe at that time it was the best for me
I need to recover
That accident has hurt my nerves
But seeing people drift like that is poison
It is a daily torture.
XVI.
That time I knew in a painful way
God has been teaching me which way to go
I doubted Him
I wanted to go my way
He showed me who the people around me are
He gave me all in a detailed platter
He had to
I needed that because I am too hard headed
It was too painful to realize
I am just used, again
People are created in the likeness of God
Our free will has made us evil
Ways that even God’s heart is continuously being stabbed
He is bleeding because He loves us.
© 2018 Ronadel Razon