Part 1 of a Happy Ever After
LATE BLOOMER'S JOURNEY
PART 1 OF A HAPPY EVER AFTER
I have live believing
Fairytales exist
It doesn’t matter what race or skin color
Your origin and country is of no importance
I believed that every girl
Who has nothing and of poor roots
Has a fairy godmother who will rescue her
Lead her to a strong and handsome prince
I grew up watching drama series
Inspired by Cinderella’s rag to riches story
Mexicans has shown us how in telenovelas
We Filipinos embraced it like our own
Is it because we are third world countries?
Is it because of our past being enslaved by foreign lands for centuries
Are we searching ways to escape the hardship of our economy?
Or a means of temporary relief with the situation our country is still in
In grade school, I have seen my girl classmates have boyfriends
Am I curious?
No, because I have my own world with book and academic competitions
I only had one crush in my elementary days: He didn’t even know.
High school was no different
Had one crush from freshman ‘til senior years
Still paid more attention to my academics
I am the eldest amongst 8 siblings: opted more to be a role model
College came and took up nursing
It is not my preferred course, followed my parents
This is why learning the skills and craft is more difficult
No time for boyfriends or flirting with guys
I write romance novels
And yet, I am naïve
I can’t even effectively imagine myself being in love with the opposite sex
No kissing or hugging someone is beyond my understanding
At 23 years old
I met a man 19 years my senior
I did not exactly know what I like about the male specie
He is someone who speaks about things I don’t know yet
He has seen things I only read in books and watched in movies
He has reached places I’ve never imagined exist
He has met people more interesting than I have
My interest, I mistakenly thought was real love
Eloped with him
My family disowned me
Frustrated and embarrassed to the path I have taken
Communication cut
I grieved and tried to mend the broken bridge
Futile
My love for my family did not stop
At that time, the thought of being in love is stronger
In my head, “He is the first. He is the last.”
At that time, I felt how Juliet felt about Romeo
My stubbornness was at its peak
Wanted to make decisions of my own
A late bloomer, yes I am
He made me work
I did it to help him out
He has a computer shop
A part time teacher in vocational schools too
We live with his parents
The oldies rarely talk to me
It was as if I don’t exist…
It came to a point where I earn more than him
He stopped working
Focused more on the shop
He loaned money for it
My name was used
Deducted from my monthly salary
Way back, I did not mind because I honestly believed that it was for us.
Worked so hard in a call center
Awake and working the whole night
Asleep or doing house chores in the morning
My time zone inverted
When I was studying, life is just school and home
With him, it was work and home
I was existing to work
That was all that matters
If not, he will beat me up
Or not allow me to eat a single bite
I know that it is not right
Who can I turn to?
My family is not talking to me
I have no friends at work
Close enough who I can trust
When I started to drift away
He felt me getting colder
I drew back, getting farther and father
He continuously beat me up
He raped me several times
I can go to the authorities
I wanted to kill him every chance I get
I hated him
I hated myself more
I didn’t have the courage to tell anyone
I was blaming myself over and over
It was my fault I got stuck with him
People can call me stupid
Others will brand me as a moron
But this is exactly how an abused person feels
Sexually, physically, emotionally and mentally shattered
Self pity
Denial
Disgust
Self blame
Fear
Fairytale into a nightmare
A horror story
Love into hatred
Hopeful beginning to a bitter end
He left me when I saw him with another girl
Not in a mall
Not on the streets
Not in a restaurant
But inside the house, our house
On our bed
He got my car and runaway
I never cared for it
I reached a point where I’s give everything to get rid of his ass.
Guess, it was not the end
Found out he is married with three kids
Our marriage was a hoax
Never true
Just a tool to control me for 2 years
Deception from beginning until the end
It was a relief
It should be
In our country however
No divorce
Annulment will cause you an arm and a leg
What matters to me is that I am free
No longer caged…
With my freedom
I chose a tattoo
No one in my family has one
I chose not to conform
It is my journey
Not theirs.
© 2018 Ronadel Razon
Comments
Ronadel Razon (author) from Philippines on April 01, 2018:
Thank you...
It took me a long while to realize that I am worth something.
The journey was never easy but I made it.
Im in the journey of healing
I am not ashamed anymore
I owe myself so much love and appreciation.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on April 01, 2018:
Fairytales are the creation of an active imagination.
Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
Each of us has our mate selection process/"must haves list".
Each of us has our own boundaries and "deal breakers".
There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what have. Accept them (as is) or move on. Choose wisely!
"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
- Oscar Wilde
The world may not owe you anything but {you} owe yourself the world! Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.