LATE BLOOMER'S JOURNEY

PART 1 OF A HAPPY EVER AFTER

I have live believing

Fairytales exist

It doesn’t matter what race or skin color

Your origin and country is of no importance

I believed that every girl

Who has nothing and of poor roots

Has a fairy godmother who will rescue her

Lead her to a strong and handsome prince

I grew up watching drama series

Inspired by Cinderella’s rag to riches story

Mexicans has shown us how in telenovelas

We Filipinos embraced it like our own

Is it because we are third world countries?

Is it because of our past being enslaved by foreign lands for centuries

Are we searching ways to escape the hardship of our economy?

Or a means of temporary relief with the situation our country is still in

In grade school, I have seen my girl classmates have boyfriends

Am I curious?

No, because I have my own world with book and academic competitions

I only had one crush in my elementary days: He didn’t even know.

High school was no different

Had one crush from freshman ‘til senior years

Still paid more attention to my academics

I am the eldest amongst 8 siblings: opted more to be a role model

College came and took up nursing

It is not my preferred course, followed my parents

This is why learning the skills and craft is more difficult

No time for boyfriends or flirting with guys

I write romance novels

And yet, I am naïve

I can’t even effectively imagine myself being in love with the opposite sex

No kissing or hugging someone is beyond my understanding

At 23 years old

I met a man 19 years my senior

I did not exactly know what I like about the male specie

He is someone who speaks about things I don’t know yet

He has seen things I only read in books and watched in movies

He has reached places I’ve never imagined exist

He has met people more interesting than I have

My interest, I mistakenly thought was real love

Eloped with him

My family disowned me

Frustrated and embarrassed to the path I have taken

Communication cut

I grieved and tried to mend the broken bridge

Futile

My love for my family did not stop

At that time, the thought of being in love is stronger

In my head, “He is the first. He is the last.”

At that time, I felt how Juliet felt about Romeo

My stubbornness was at its peak

Wanted to make decisions of my own

A late bloomer, yes I am

He made me work

I did it to help him out

He has a computer shop

A part time teacher in vocational schools too

We live with his parents

The oldies rarely talk to me

It was as if I don’t exist…

It came to a point where I earn more than him

He stopped working

Focused more on the shop

He loaned money for it

My name was used

Deducted from my monthly salary

Way back, I did not mind because I honestly believed that it was for us.

Worked so hard in a call center

Awake and working the whole night

Asleep or doing house chores in the morning

My time zone inverted

When I was studying, life is just school and home

With him, it was work and home

I was existing to work

That was all that matters

If not, he will beat me up

Or not allow me to eat a single bite

I know that it is not right

Who can I turn to?

My family is not talking to me

I have no friends at work

Close enough who I can trust

When I started to drift away

He felt me getting colder

I drew back, getting farther and father

He continuously beat me up

He raped me several times

I can go to the authorities

I wanted to kill him every chance I get

I hated him

I hated myself more

I didn’t have the courage to tell anyone

I was blaming myself over and over

It was my fault I got stuck with him

People can call me stupid

Others will brand me as a moron

But this is exactly how an abused person feels

Sexually, physically, emotionally and mentally shattered

Self pity

Denial

Disgust

Self blame

Fear

Fairytale into a nightmare

A horror story

Love into hatred

Hopeful beginning to a bitter end

He left me when I saw him with another girl

Not in a mall

Not on the streets

Not in a restaurant

But inside the house, our house

On our bed

He got my car and runaway

I never cared for it

I reached a point where I’s give everything to get rid of his ass.

Guess, it was not the end

Found out he is married with three kids

Our marriage was a hoax

Never true

Just a tool to control me for 2 years

Deception from beginning until the end

It was a relief

It should be

In our country however

No divorce

Annulment will cause you an arm and a leg

What matters to me is that I am free

No longer caged…

With my freedom

I chose a tattoo

No one in my family has one

I chose not to conform

It is my journey

Not theirs.

© 2018 Ronadel Razon

Comments

Ronadel Razon (author) from Philippines on April 01, 2018:

Thank you...

It took me a long while to realize that I am worth something.

The journey was never easy but I made it.

Im in the journey of healing

I am not ashamed anymore

I owe myself so much love and appreciation.

dashingscorpio from Chicago on April 01, 2018:

Fairytales are the creation of an active imagination.

Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

Each of us has our mate selection process/"must haves list".

Each of us has our own boundaries and "deal breakers".

There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what have. Accept them (as is) or move on. Choose wisely!

"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

- Oscar Wilde

The world may not owe you anything but {you} owe yourself the world! Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.