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Only Sometimes I Feel like I'm Drowning.

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I am an empath which means I can "feel" others emotions and feelings as well as put into words things others would find hard to understand.

only-sometimes-i-feel-like-im-drowning

Let's talk about mental health issues, it's typically a subject that many don't understand, it's not like a having a cold or flu.
Some people are truly blessed because they have never suffered from any of the mental health issues, but I figure that everyone has suffered from anxiety problems which fall under "mental health"
I know someone who has never had a depressed day in their life and believe that being depressed is "a choice"
To this person "everything is about choice"
But trying to dispel this notion from this person didn't make sense to them.
It was like trying to describe colour to a blind person, they just couldn't comprehend the dynamics of the problem and how it affects their lives.
If mental illness was just a choice then surely nobody would "choose" to be depressed.
There would be no need for psychiatric medical professionals or antidepressants.
Its always been a topic that many people don't want to discuss. Behind closed doors there are Whispers and private conversations which didn't really address the issues.
I'm not a medical professional or psychology student I'm just a poet who has developed a method of dealing with my condition by writing my thoughts and feelings down and creating poetry from the tangle of thoughts and feelings which encircles my life on a daily basis.
Most if not all of my writings are attributed to circumstances which normally would have just bounced around my head.
But having nobody to share anything with or talk to about my issues was (although depressing in itself) was a catalyst that forced me to find another way of dealing with them.
One day I began writing, I didn't have a plan or direction of what I should say.
Everything was jumbled up, thoughts, ideas, pain, confusion, I had to make sense of what I was thinking about so I decided to use it as a stage for my poetry.
Yes most of it is "Dark" I couldn't help that because most if not all was based upon my condition and experiences.
I tried to find some "lighter" topics to write about something less dark because I knew that I didn't just exist in darkness.
But one thing about being human is that negativity seems to outshine the positive things that happen in your life. You recall more bad things about yourself than good times which tend to sparkle like stars on a sea of darkness. Speaking personally for every good day I've had I've had at least 5 bad days so my poetry reflects the difference.
I want to bring the spotlight right back onto mental health issues.
There are different mechanisms that work for many people to ease their journeys through their problems, for me it's poetry, writing down my thoughts and releasing them so I'm not carrying around the burdens which used to crush me.
Some people take drugs, or drink alcohol to relieve the pressure of their problems, myself (I've tried many) only found writing became my strength in times of need.

Everybody has "mental health issues"

Nobody is actually immune

Some refuse to acknowledge it or even discuss the probability

Mental health is just a label

It doesn't necessarily mean that your negatively affected like some

Mental health is also about positive issues

It covers a wide spectrum of emotional and physical problems ranging from the joyful to the desolate.

But who likes to admit or even discuss mental health issues, it's like a "taboo" subject, it's like admitting your weak or unintelligent nobody would rush to be so candid.

It's only been in the last few years that this subject has developed into media and social networks and is openly talked about by members of society from Royalty and celebraties to the homeless person on the street.

But still it's a subject that devide people.


Hello is that a monster in your head

Now excuse my presumptuousness

Hang on a moment was it something that I said

Manic eyes do the shuffle and switch to Cobalt blue

Why look at me what's it to do with you

Howling breeze stiffened my upper lip

I glance sideways maybe he thinks I'm hip

Why ask a question that could possibly lead to doubt

Shall I whisper a reply or make him jump and shout

My monster in my head is asleep so leave your assumptions at home

It's not a dog who'll wag his tail if you throw him a bone

Hey calm down its just a shadow across your eyes

I seen a glimpse of the horror that took me by surprise

Leave my demons they're trying to gain control

Loss of concentration would surely lose my soul

You stand there and criticise you're trying to make me sad

I fight with the light my darkness that likes to be so bad

So if you see my monster just relax and keep real calm

Try not to poke him in the eye and he'll do you no harm

It's a daily battle I'm swore to Legion is his name

A thousand raging demons trying to make me insane

But I've got a trick that that works for me defiantly

I make him shrink into the void by reciting pure poetry.


© 2020 Mark

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