One Year Ago Today - Death Anniversary Poem of Loss of Child

Updated on August 17, 2018
I bought this brick to honor my nephew's memory, with the money going to a center for children that I used to work for in Northwest Arkansas.
I bought this brick to honor my nephew's memory, with the money going to a center for children that I used to work for in Northwest Arkansas. | Source

One Year Ago Today

One year ago today

it was hot

and I was waiting for an oil change . . .

while you were leaving the world.


For ten months I tried

to get another oil change

but I thought of you

and I couldn't. My new car.


I was okay, I was fine,

but for ten months I couldn't.

How shameful, Why not?

And my poor car went on.


It was hot again, and I did it.

And it meant nothing

but it meant everything.

I did it. A milestone.


What is my family doing today?

Life goes on, they say.

Surreal after surreal day becoming real

but never quite concrete.


We have the memories

and we have the pain

and we have the reminders

and perhaps we need them.


It's sad and almost silly

but I will think of you

every time I will remember--

every hot, stupid oil change of my life.


Nearly 3 years ago

Actually, this was written less than two years ago on a one year anniversary.

Questions & Answers

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      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        Debbie--It's hard to catch everything on HP. So much interesting writing going around.

        Yes, life does go on. Writing helps make it better. I'm glad you liked the poem. Thanks for sharing it!

      • Deborah Brooks profile image

        Deborah Brooks Langford 

        7 years ago from Brownsville,TX

        Victoria.. this is beautiful. I do not know how I missed this beautiful poem.. How hard life is.. Your poem reminds me and life does go on doesn't it?

        sharing on Facebook

        Debbie

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        Thanks, vocalcoach. I do appreciate that. You're very sweet. "Courageous and beautiful"--I like that.

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        OH, that is sweet, Maria. Thank you for putting a positive spin on the oil change thing. What a thoughtful comment!

      • vocalcoach profile image

        Audrey Hunt 

        7 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        So sad...and lingering forever in the heart is that empty space. Nothing will ever fill it. I am so very sorry dear Victoria. Sending you a warm hub hug and a thank you for your courageous and beautiful poetry.

      • marcoujor profile image

        Maria Jordan 

        7 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

        Victoria--

        My glasses are off and the tears are pouring... so well expressed and my heart and thoughts are with you... I understand in my own way.

        I can hear my Mom telling me the message would be that oil changes symbolize "the life of our cars"... so keep on thinking of your beautiful nephew to keep his memory alive every time you get your oil changed and, no doubt, in so many other positive ways...

        All my love, Maria

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        Thanks, Hubert. I appreciate that.

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        True, snowdrops. The memories are always flashing around. That's an accurate way to put it.

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        moonlake--I totally agree. That's all we can do.

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        unknown spy--It is hard to lose someone, and I dread the next time it happens. Sorry about your gran; you must have been very close. Thanks for reading.

      • profile image

        Hubert Williams 

        7 years ago

        Thanks Victoria I appreciate that, but don't let it detract from the purpose of your hub. The loss of your nephew was tragic, no matter how long ago it happened. Loss of a young life is a sad thing.

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        Oh, Hubert. That is so sad. What a tough year for you. And your mom just today? I don't even have the words. Thinking of you. Gosh, take care, huh?

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        Annie--I'm sure you can relate. Things like this are definitely surreal. I'm glad you like the candour (candor in U.S.!) and openness. Your comments are very thoughtful and mean a lot to me. Thanks.

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        Thanks, Vellur. Well said.

      • snowdrops profile image

        snowdrops 

        7 years ago from The Second Star to the Right

        So sorry to hear this Victoria... its really painful, memories keep flashing back and forth like a broken CD...

      • moonlake profile image

        moonlake 

        7 years ago from America

        So sorry for your loss. Beautiful poem. I don't think we ever get over our losses we just push them back and learn to go on living. What else can we do?

      • unknown spy profile image

        Life Under Construction 

        7 years ago from Neverland

        I'm sorry for your loss dear Victoria.. the pain really hurts, its like you're asking yourself, is this for real??? .. i rally don't have any courage for any loss. i mean, i loss my gran a long time ago but im still crying every night..

      • profile image

        Hubert Williams 

        7 years ago

        It is so very sad when a young one loses their life. Every memory, bittersweet. Our family lost two babies this year. My mother died today. Perhaps if they meet, they can look out for each other and watch over the new baby born yesterday.

      • Fennelseed profile image

        Annie Fenn 

        7 years ago from Australia

        I can relate to this Victoria, those things that were just a normal part of life, but now have associations that make them poignant and difficult seem to pepper our lives after losing a loved one. I feel the surrealness that surrounded you when you wrote this two years ago. I like your candour and openness and I like your poem. Sending my hugs and best wishes to you, from Annie.

      • Vellur profile image

        Nithya Venkat 

        7 years ago from Dubai

        I feel sorry for your great loss. Losing loved ones can really tear you apart. The pain never goes away but the wonderful memories are there to carry on.

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        Thanks, anglnwu, for your sweet comments.

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        Joyce, so sorry about your brother. My nephew's 3rd anniversary will be in August. Thanks for commenting. Take care.

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        Thanks, Trinity. That means a lot!

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        I know, jon. Something as weird as an oil change....Glad you came by. Thanks.

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        AEvans--You had such a hard year. Yeah, I guess it gets easier, but it's always there. So sorry. And thanks for your sweet words and sharing.

      • anglnwu profile image

        anglnwu 

        7 years ago

        So sorry about your loss. You captured your pain well--how something as mundane as changing oil can become a painful reminder. Peace and hope to you and your brother.

      • writer20 profile image

        Joyce Haragsim 

        7 years ago from Southern Nevada

        I'm sorry you feeling like this today. But it does take a long time to get over losing a close family person.

        I'll be thinking of you in September it will be my brother's second anniversary.

        Voted up and beautiful, Joyce.

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        Hyphenbird--We are healing. Thanks for your kind words and blessings.

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        Thanks, Cloud! What thoughtful comments! I appreciate the time you took to give such insightful feedback. Thanks so much.

      • Trinity M profile image

        Trinity M 

        7 years ago

        How sad; losing someone we love is the worst pain of all. So sorry for your loss Victoria. Beautiful poem and a fitting tribute.

      • jonmcclusk profile image

        Jonathan McCloskey 

        7 years ago from Cinnaminson, New Jersey

        Apologies for your loss, but this is a great tribute. It's amazing how many things will actually trigger a memory of the ones we've lost. Unfortunately, sometimes it's not the best feeling when we remember.

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        weavesandbraids--He was three. Thanks for your kind words.

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        Thanks, Charu. Much appreciated.

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        Kyricus, I'm sorry about the loss of your mother. I hope you find comfort. Thanks for reading this.

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        Paul Kuehn--Thanks for your kind words and for sharing the poem.

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        Thanks, Ghaelach. I think that, too, but then I think that maybe they are the lucky ones because they get to miss out on all the heartache. Thanks for the thoughts.

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        Thanks, Koshaugh. I appreciate that.

      • profile image

        AEvans 

        7 years ago

        Beautiful Vickie and so touching. I am not the only one struggling with the loss of someone who is loved. People say the pain never goes away; but it gets easier. I don't know about that because I am still feeling the loss and its been almost two years since mom, one of our dogs and my favorite Uncle in 2011. I know there are days when we can laugh and smile; but there are also days when we can cry.

        What thoughtful and meaningful words to someone you love so much. up and shared.

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        Curiad--Yes, it's good to write about it, I think. I appreciate your comments...and blessings, too.

      • Hyphenbird profile image

        Brenda Barnes 

        7 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

        The loss of a child stops us in our tracks. I hope your family is healing and able to smile again. It does take years. Bless you all.

      • CloudExplorer profile image

        Mike Pugh 

        7 years ago from New York City

        Wow this is a very different kind of poem, I never though of writing something quite like this, it is definitely original in its true nature, and has loads of real life thoughts as opposed to abstract ones, like many poems tend to have.

        I think your on to something with this real life sort of car connected poem here with that of your loved one, nice technique Victoria, I never really felt that bad about an oil change before or the associated memory of one, but you managed to take such feeling to a whole new level indeed. "Sorry for your loss."

        Voted up and out for super originality and authentic creative value.

      • weavesandbraids profile image

        Chuga 

        7 years ago from Africa

        This is soo touching. You will always remember. I hope the good memories make up for the loss as time goes on.

        He must have been very young.

      • Charu Bhatnagar profile image

        Charu Bhatnagar 

        7 years ago from India

        It is very-2 touching, and beautiful. thanks for sharing.

      • Kyricus profile image

        Tony 

        7 years ago from Ohio

        Very well done.

        I'm coming up on the one year anniversary in July of the loss of my mother, and though it won't be an oil change that triggers the flood of memories, I'm sure something will.

      • Paul Kuehn profile image

        Paul Richard Kuehn 

        7 years ago from Udorn City, Thailand

        Victoria,

        This is a beautiful poem. It is tragic that your nephew left this world at such an early age. I'm very sorry for your loss. Voted up and sharing.

      • profile image

        Ghaelach 

        7 years ago

        Morning Victoria.

        A beautiful written poem to a very sad memory. It always seems so unfair when it's our babies and very young that are taken away. They never had a chance to see and feel the good things we have in our lives.

        Take cae Victoria.

        LOL Ghaelach

      • Koshaugh profile image

        Kara Monterey 

        7 years ago from Indianapolis

        Sad but beautiful! Thanks for sharing.

      • profile image

        Curiad 

        7 years ago

        Well Victoria, I can Imagine how hard it was to go through this. It is good you have the tribute for him and I would think now, it is good for you to say this.

        Blessings for you all.

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        No, tammy,you're right in that it's not fair, and it changes everything. Nothing is ever the same. Thanks for reading. I appreciate it so much.

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        Oh, gosh, Angela, I can't imagine how it was losing your only child. I don't think those losses ever fully heal. They do change us; i just hope it's for the better. I'm glad you came by. It's good to stick together in our losses. At least I think so.

      • tammyswallow profile image

        Tammy 

        7 years ago from North Carolina

        Vicky,

        This is a powerful poem that really sends your loss home. I am so sorry for your loss. It isn't fair that children leave us. This is a loving and touching tribute.

      • Angela Blair profile image

        Angela Blair 

        7 years ago from Central Texas

        My condolences, dear. I totally understand -- I lost my only child, a son, not long ago and one expects to get better every day and then every day comes and it doesn't happen. Faith tells me our losses may be a wound that will never fully heal -- but in time it won't bleed as badly. Lovely poetry and touched my heart. Best/Sis

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        Thanks, Effer. I know. It's not supposed to happen that way. Our family felt lucky, protected, no great tragedy until then. When it happens, it changes the feeling of everything. I know you know that. You've experienced so much loss. Thanks for your hugs and tears. It means a lot to hear from you, my truly sweet online friend.

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        Thanks, Peggy. It was something I felt I needed to do--purchasing the brick. I appreciate your comment.

      • fpherj48 profile image

        Paula 

        7 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

        My heart is so heavy and aching with sadness for you and your family, Vee. You know that I can truly feel this pain of senseless loss. Babies aren't supposed to leave us....they must not be taken away.

        My tears are stinging my eyes.........I'm sending you hugs. Awesome & beautiful.

      • Peggy W profile image

        Peggy Woods 

        7 years ago from Houston, Texas

        And let me add my condolences as well. It is funny sometimes what trigger memories...both happy as well as sad ones. Purchasing that brick was a positive thing to do. It is a nice memorial and also a way to help other children.

      • Victoria Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

        Victoria Lynn 

        7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        Thanks, Bill. I am sure that is true. I needed to write this, but it took me a long time to publish it. Thanks for being the first to comment.

      • billybuc profile image

        Bill Holland 

        7 years ago from Olympia, WA

        I can tell you for a fact that you will always remember and it will always be associated with the oil change. I'm sorry for your loss, Vicki! Beautifully written.

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