Once Pure

TaJuan is an aspiring writer hoping to gain experience and growth through publishing passionate works, like this one, online for the world.

I will never smoke weed.

I will never drink.

I will never do drugs.

I will never have sex before marriage,

I will never try to kill myself

I will never—

Lies.

Bold,

Beautiful,

Depressing,

Lies.

I was a kid,

Naive to pain,

Real, mature pain.

My heart was still wholly intact,

My arm was scarless,

And though trauma became my first

Friend,

I was too young to even notice its

Very crippling effects on me.

I was pure,

And I desired that state for the

101 years I desired to live on,

What I thought to be,

This lovely place to live.

Now,

Not even 20,

I sometimes wonder if I’ll

Ever

Reach such a number.

I have scars galore,

A heart that may never fully heal,

A disorder in my personality,

Met new friends called

Anxiety and

Depression,

A virginity that,

Like my sobriety,

Has magically disappeared,

And have wished or attempted

To end my subscription to life

Prematurely

More times than I can count.

It’s safe to say that

My past self

Would have hated the present me.

But,

That’s okay.

I’m happy now,

So that has to count for something.