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I’m Not Sending Christmas Cards This Year

 

There are people, and surely you know some,

Who have told you already, this year,

That they won’t be sending out C cards

The ones full of Greetings and Cheer

 

They say that their reasons are simple

They say that their motives are clean

They just think the whole thing’s expensive

And the whole Christmas Card thing’s obscene.

not_sending_christmas_cards_this_year

 

So this year they’re saving the money

From postage and cards, as I said,

And giving all that as donations

To projects that they like instead.

not_sending_christmas_cards_this_year

 

For example, homes and vacations

For retired Greyhounds and Donkeys,

Or nearly (if not) extinct species

Of Apes, Gorillas and Monkeys.

not_sending_christmas_cards_this_year
Kitty undergoing an Identity Crisis

Kitty undergoing an Identity Crisis

 

And crèches for hard working Gerbils,

And apartments for Squirrels and Bats.

And Awaydays for Camels at seasides,

And counselling for Bunnies and Cats.

not_sending_christmas_cards_this_year

And Wildebeest sanctuaries set up,

In Surrey or Kent or a zoo.

For there’s no beast alive, I can think of,

Deserves more than the unfortunate Gnu.

 

 

No wonder they always look fed up!

No wonder they always look glum!

If they manage to survive trampling or drowning,

They end up in some fierce Big Cat’s tum.

No wonder they always look fed up.

No wonder they always look fed up.

 

But I don’t think I really care that much

About any high minded attempt

To save anything much at the moment,

But please don’t look on me with contempt.

I'm not sending any, so don't bother sending to me.

I'm not sending any, so don't bother sending to me.


So I’m also not sending a card, dear,

And as this “poem” reaches its ending,

I think it is time to inform you........

This is the card I’m not sending.



Comments

Verlie Burroughs from Canada on November 15, 2018:

Ah yes, now I remember your love and fascination with the Edwardian age. I think I would also enjoy watching some of those. I love Maggie Smith, and Judi Dench too. I've missed out on a lot of films, need to catch up.

Twilight Lawns (author) from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. on November 14, 2018:

Hello, Verlie.

My tastes in film are somewhat esoteric, but they include one of my favourites of all time: ‘A Room With A View’ and anything at all with Maggie Smith in them. I also love Judi Dench and all her stuff, so there’s a bit of an overlap there.

One of my favoujrites which tick all the boxes concerning “nothing happens at all” is 'Année dernière à Marienbad’ also known as ’Last Year at Marienbad’ in he US, and in the UK as ‘Last Year in Marienbad’

‘5 to 7’ is stunning and anything at all about the British Raj or the last war or the Ottoman Empire or the Great Ware. The latters (Is there such a word?) because I do not cease to wonder why or how and the Raj ones because that is my heritage.

x

Verlie Burroughs from Canada on November 13, 2018:

Ian, so good to hear from you, that you are writing still, a labour of love (of words) it must be, 10 years in the making. Congratulations on the paperback too, with an enthusiastic response from former students.

I can picture you settled in to your film viewing. Are we talking dark artsy Ingmar Bergen style dramas? Or are you watching Mr. Bean?

I do miss your sharp wit, Cheers my friend, Verlie

Twilight Lawns (author) from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. on November 13, 2018:

My dearest Snakeslane, how lovely to hear from you after all these years... Yes, I mean years.

I've not been on HP for a very long time. I am still (as in STILL) writing my novel and that is taking a little longer to complete than I would have wished. Several years have passed since I started it. Well over ten years.

It's a typically Ian creation as nothing happens in it. Just words. Sort of like the films I like to watch. All my Nearest and Dearest mention this when they see me enjoying a film. “Hmmm!” they all say, “Another of those movies where nothing happens. Very Ian.”

A few months ago, I did publish a paperback book on Amazon. Something I had written when I was teaching, and that was enjoyed by quite a few of the children (now adults) that I had taught.

Hoping you are well and happy. Take care.

Much love and respect,

Ian

Verlie Burroughs from Canada on November 12, 2018:

Holy! A live Ian sighting! Ian, thanks for the Christmas card, it must have got lost in the mail. Better late than never right?

Twilight Lawns (author) from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. on November 12, 2018:

KBE Farms, thank you for noticing this little effort. Enjoy your Christmas,

Regards,

ian

KBE Farms on November 12, 2018:

Well, that's it in a nutshell for the gloomy glum! Me, Im sending them out and ho hum! Postage is outrageous and through the roof, but I cant afford travel and so there comes my Christmas letter! eMail is to impersonal and my handwriting is a blight, but to all such with clatter, I say HOLY NIGHT! Cute article!!

Sunnie Day on April 13, 2011:

And a Merry Christmas to you..:)I think around Good Friday the 22nd is perfect! That would be really nice..as the thoughts will be in the air..

Thank you for saying I am not Wacko..lol...my family may differ..but I am not letting them read this so..HAH!!!!

LOL

Twilight Lawns (author) from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. on April 13, 2011:

Happy Christmas, Sunnie. Just a trifle late, but there you go. It will be Easter soon, and I want to know when to publish my little Eater poem... nowish or just before Good Friday.

I'm asking you because you're a Christian but not a "Wacko" one

Sunnie Day on April 13, 2011:

Very nice..I keep saying I am not sending any cards anymore but then I do..what is the absolute worst that could happen? Thanks Ian..

Sunnie

Twilight Lawns (author) from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. on December 19, 2010:

I keep on coming back to this comment, Shades, and giggling. How immature of me.

Shadesbreath from California on December 19, 2010:

You should have thrown the cat through the wardrobe and let the Queen deal with him.

Twilight Lawns (author) from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. on December 18, 2010:

Shades, thank you again. You cover me with compliments. I appreciate being termed a nut. And of course, when I am published (!) and mega rich, I'll share out the drinks with all my new chums on HP.

That wasn't accidental with your cats.

Cat's live in a little, aggressive world of their own, don't they? I had a cat once who used to get on top of a wardrobe in my room... a huge Edwardian mahogany affair with three doors and bevelled glass... I called him Angus (The cat, not the wardrobe) but the wardrobe matched him nicely. During the night, Angus would decide to leave the top of the wardrobe and do something downstairs. He would jump from the top of the wardrobe and land on the softest place... my bed, Imagine what it is like in the middle of the night when a large three doored, bevelled glass, mahogany cat lands on one.

That wardrobe was so large, I think I could have had Narnia and Eritrea behind it.

Just Angus's sweet sense of humour (the bastard)

Shadesbreath from California on December 18, 2010:

You're a nut. A delightful nut, the very best kind. I agree with Christoph, you are bordering on becoming typecast as the adult's Dr. Seuss. Just think, you just need to seel the 27,000,000 copies of something like he did and you can buy us all drinks to celebrate.

(And btw, my cats are going to need some of that counselling (or I will) if they get up on the counter and knock all the crap off into the sink and scare the crap out of me again like they did last night... thought we had an intruder!)

Twilight Lawns (author) from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. on December 17, 2010:

Peek away my friend. A peek is always appreciated.

Thanks for the positive comment.

shogan from New England on December 17, 2010:

TL--I'm beginning to suspect that you really are a Scrooge! :) Great verse...I just stopped by to take a peek.

Twilight Lawns (author) from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. on December 16, 2010:

Acaetnna, thank you. I can never work out whether I should be serious or flippant. I've only been on hubpages for a little over three weeks, and am still swimming at the shallow end. You're welcome to return any time.

Twilight Lawns (author) from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. on December 16, 2010:

Candie, you have suffered... suffered so much I was going to send a tiny bottle; just a token. I'm now sending a litre bottle.

By the way. I use Chanel Pour l'Homme sometimes, and when it's been on me for a while, it starts to smell like Number 5. Maybe I should be bottled.

Candie V from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure! on December 15, 2010:

I shall keep looking! Chanel No.5 is fantastic! My ex took my bottle and gave it to his girlfriend.. so I could use some more! Nice!!

acaetnna from Guildford on December 15, 2010:

This is great - loved it.

Twilight Lawns (author) from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. on December 14, 2010:

Don't stop looking, Candie. I didn't say I wasn't sending ANYTHING!

For you, I would make an exception. You did say you liked 'Chanel Number 5', didn't you?

Candie V from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure! on December 13, 2010:

Well now.. this is a first! A not-a-Christmas-card-Christmas-card-hub! I'll stop looking in my mail box. I was just sure.....

Twilight Lawns (author) from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. on December 13, 2010:

Thank you Robie. And thank you for the word, "Delightful". You're welcome any day.

Roberta Kyle from Central New Jersey on December 13, 2010:

Delightful-- I'm not sending a card either but I wish you and yours a Merry Christmas and a Hub-Happy New Year:-)

Twilight Lawns (author) from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. on December 13, 2010:

Makingsense, thank you. And thank you for taking the time and trouble to read it.

Twilight Lawns (author) from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. on December 13, 2010:

Blush! Thanks Christoph. (Hides face in grateful embarrassment)

Makingsense on December 13, 2010:

Nicely done hub. Ditto on the Christmas cards.

Christoph Reilly from St. Louis on December 13, 2010:

Yes, as your #1 fan, I am well aware that you can write "real stuff." A little levity and lightness never hurt anyone though. In fact, it demonstrates your versatility, and sense of fun.

Twilight Lawns (author) from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. on December 13, 2010:

Thank you, Shil, for your kind comments.

I've just been reading your very interesting article on clogged arteries and the results. Excellent. I usually find that sort of thing very tedious, but you write so well; I am caught by the first sentence and read all the way through. Thank you.

Shil1978 on December 13, 2010:

Lol - very witty and well written. I wish I could write like you. You write so well! Thanks for sharing this delightful hub :)

Twilight Lawns (author) from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. on December 13, 2010:

As I said, Christoph, I have never read any Dr Suess, but thanks for reading it and the comment. Maybe I'd better become a little more serious... I can write real stuff, you know.

Christoph Reilly from St. Louis on December 13, 2010:

Ha! Loved the clever turn at the end, and as always, an enjoyable, funny read! You're showing signs of being the Adult's Dr. Suess!

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