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Sometimes I just like it dark .
.. Not because it's creepy , but because it just feels right. Because if I try to hide something , you won't see it anyway .
Because dark feels weirdly safe sometimes , maybe because they can't read my mind or see what my eyes say ..
It's normally just quiet , and everything is just right .
I'd rather have the lights off..
Feels like getting your personal space even if they still around , some relief .
I can smile and nobody will ask what's up with me .... I'll cry and nobody will ask why . Nobody will even know it's happening.
Dark feels like home .
Dark feels right . I know I can talk to you and you'll listen even if you are not there.
I'd rather have dark because it's the only thing that's real .
I don't have to put that fake smile that keeps my jaws hurting all the times .
.. but I think it's because I don't have to force nothing but be the real me , that's what makes it feel like a heaven ...
.. sought of a hide out , a safe house maybe .
Or maybe it's just that my head's really just calm and at peace . Not expectant but just hopeful.
Or maybe it's because there's no difference when my eyes are either open or closed .
But it's all better with the lights off .
Just no lights at all.

© 2020 Amani Utembu

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