My Poetry Collection (Silver-Lining)
Looking back on the past year, I have dedicated a lot of time educating myself and growing as a writer. More recently, I have been expanding my writing skills to different areas—like poetry!
I came across the Hubpages Poetry/Short-Fiction Contest, and found that it was a fantastic opportunity for me to share my poetry collection with my loyal readers (and potential new ones).
Poetry has been the perfect outlet for me to be able to express myself in a comfortable and free manner, in the ways that I never could by simply speaking.
"Silver-lining" is the title of my poetry collection and although none of my poems are published, yet, it is an ultimate goal of mine to publish a book in the near future.
This collection of poetry is extremely personal, and are based off of genuine emotions that I have experienced within the past year. As difficult as it was for me to reflect back on some of the most painful moments of my life, those moments brought out a part of me that I never knew existed, and inspired me to share some of my story with you.
But just like broken glass—the sharp edges cut my hands deeper every time I would go to pick them up, causing me to bleed out.— Ashley Riley
The first to shatter my heart
into a million pieces,
were my parents.
Twenty years of my life were spent
trying to gather those pieces together,
but just like broken glass—
the sharp edges cut my hands deeper
every time I would go to pick them up,
causing me to bleed out.
The absence of my mother and father
left me with an internal void—
one that I would fill with things other than
the love that I needed for myself.
How could two parents cause such collateral emotional damage to their daughter, and seem to not care?
* * * * * *
was merely impossible
as I would desire the comfort of love,
but since love was foreign,
it led me to push people away—
like an ocean tide jolting water
against the shore.
Fear would become my best friend,
and isolation would become a safe haven
where I knew—
that if I refused to get close to anyone,
loss would no longer have the ability
to destroy me.
The worst feeling in the world is knowing that you want to be loved, but are so afraid of loss and being alone, that you inflict emotional pain on yourself.
* * * * * *
Abandonment isn't what hurt,
it was the dark repressed memories
that haunted my subconscious thoughts
for so long
that the only way to escape—
was to store them away.
Most of my life was spent
believing that running away
from such profound emotions
would lead me somewhere,
but I was wrong
as it led me nowhere...
apart from being distant from myself.
It wasn't until I confronted my inner demons
that my life would change
because I knew that if I didn't,
I would become the monster
that I always feared the most.
Depression is the hidden mask behind every smile that shows on your face—that no one else seems to recognize.— Ashley Riley
Depression is the stillness of the night
when you are alone at 3 a.m
and realizing that you haven't woken up
from the nightmares you've been having.
Depression is the unexplainable numbness
as if every vein in your body was injected with anesthesia
and you no longer have the ability to feel.
Depression is the internal desire
of no longer wanting to live—
but also knowing that
you don't want to die.
Depression is the hidden mask
behind every smile that shows on your face—
that no one else seems to recognize.
Depression is the false sense of happiness
that you force yourself to feel
but that same happiness
quickly turns into painful tears.
Depression is the part of you
that is completely lost—
that you didn't even know existed...
Your soul was drowning and you forced yourself to swim, but the deep darkened waves of depression pulled you right back in.— Ashley Riley
And just like that—
reality hit you one day
like an oncoming car
in a head-on collision.
those of which you never thought
could ever exist
took control of you.
You spent most of your life
believing that the person you were
was the person you were destined to be
but you were far from the truth.
Poor decision making
steered you in the wrong direction
and old habits misguided you.
Everything you once feared
or ran away from in life—
only chased after you.
Life flashed before your very eyes
and you began to wonder
“Where did I go wrong?”
Every memory you've ever repressed…
Every mistake you've ever made…
Every painful emotion you've ever felt…
Subconscious thoughts haunted you
and the voices in your head began to scream.
You tried your hardest to fight back
but you crumbled
as desperation tore you apart.
Your soul was drowning
and you forced yourself to swim
but the deep darkened waves of depression
pulled you right back in.
Struggling to breathe
you almost gave up—
until life whispered
“You don't drown by falling in the water,
you drown by staying there”.
It was in that very moment
that everything in my life..
finally made sense.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my writing. Without you, I wouldn't be where I am today. Your support means the world to me, and I am grateful beyond words for each and every one of my readers.
Questions & Answers
© 2019 Ashley Riley