My Poetry Collection (Silver-Lining)

Updated on April 4, 2019
Ashley Marie Rile profile image

Ashley is a 2016 graduate of NVTHS. With a passion for writing, Ashley currently shares her poetry with the world.

Looking back on the past year, I have dedicated a lot of time educating myself and growing as a writer. More recently, I have been expanding my writing skills to different areas—like poetry!

I came across the Hubpages Poetry/Short-Fiction Contest, and found that it was a fantastic opportunity for me to share my poetry collection with my loyal readers (and potential new ones).

Poetry has been the perfect outlet for me to be able to express myself in a comfortable and free manner, in the ways that I never could by simply speaking.

"Silver-lining" is the title of my poetry collection and although none of my poems are published, yet, it is an ultimate goal of mine to publish a book in the near future.

This collection of poetry is extremely personal, and are based off of genuine emotions that I have experienced within the past year. As difficult as it was for me to reflect back on some of the most painful moments of my life, those moments brought out a part of me that I never knew existed, and inspired me to share some of my story with you.

But just like broken glass—the sharp edges cut my hands deeper every time I would go to pick them up, causing me to bleed out.

— Ashley Riley

Broken Glass

The first to shatter my heart

into a million pieces,

were my parents.


Twenty years of my life were spent

trying to gather those pieces together,

but just like broken glass—

the sharp edges cut my hands deeper

every time I would go to pick them up,

causing me to bleed out.


The absence of my mother and father

left me with an internal void—

one that I would fill with things other than

the love that I needed for myself.


How could two parents cause such collateral emotional damage to their daughter, and seem to not care?

* * * * * *


Maintaining relationships

was merely impossible

as I would desire the comfort of love,

but since love was foreign,

it led me to push people away—

like an ocean tide jolting water

against the shore.


Fear would become my best friend,

and isolation would become a safe haven

where I knew—

that if I refused to get close to anyone,

loss would no longer have the ability

to destroy me.


The worst feeling in the world is knowing that you want to be loved, but are so afraid of loss and being alone, that you inflict emotional pain on yourself.


* * * * * *


Abandonment isn't what hurt,

it was the dark repressed memories

that haunted my subconscious thoughts

for so long

that the only way to escape—

was to store them away.


Most of my life was spent

believing that running away

from such profound emotions

would lead me somewhere,

but I was wrong

as it led me nowhere...

apart from being distant from myself.


It wasn't until I confronted my inner demons

that my life would change

because I knew that if I didn't,

I would become the monster

that I always feared the most.

Depression is the hidden mask behind every smile that shows on your face—that no one else seems to recognize.

— Ashley Riley

Depression is the stillness of the night

when you are alone at 3 a.m

and realizing that you haven't woken up

from the nightmares you've been having.


Depression is the unexplainable numbness

as if every vein in your body was injected with anesthesia

and you no longer have the ability to feel.


Depression is the internal desire

of no longer wanting to live

but also knowing that

you don't want to die.


Depression is the hidden mask

behind every smile that shows on your face—

that no one else seems to recognize.


Depression is the false sense of happiness

that you force yourself to feel

but that same happiness

quickly turns into painful tears.


Depression is the part of you

that is completely lost—

that you didn't even know existed...

until today.

Your soul was drowning and you forced yourself to swim, but the deep darkened waves of depression pulled you right back in.

— Ashley Riley

And just like that—

reality hit you one day

like an oncoming car

in a head-on collision.


Deep-seated emotions

those of which you never thought

could ever exist

took control of you.


You spent most of your life

believing that the person you were

was the person you were destined to be

but you were far from the truth.


Poor decision making

steered you in the wrong direction

and old habits misguided you.

Everything you once feared

or ran away from in life—

only chased after you.


Life flashed before your very eyes

and you began to wonder


“Where did I go wrong?”


Every memory you've ever repressed…

Every mistake you've ever made…

Every painful emotion you've ever felt…


Subconscious thoughts haunted you

and the voices in your head began to scream.

You tried your hardest to fight back

but you crumbled

as desperation tore you apart.


Your soul was drowning

and you forced yourself to swim

but the deep darkened waves of depression

pulled you right back in.


Struggling to breathe

you almost gave up—

until life whispered

“You don't drown by falling in the water,

you drown by staying there”.


It was in that very moment

that everything in my life..

finally made sense.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my writing. Without you, I wouldn't be where I am today. Your support means the world to me, and I am grateful beyond words for each and every one of my readers.

Questions & Answers

    © 2019 Ashley Riley

    Comments

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      • Ashley Marie Rile profile imageAUTHOR

        Ashley Riley 

        4 months ago from Ayer, Massachusetts

        Thank you, Mark.

      • Mark Tulin profile image

        Mark Tulin 

        4 months ago from Santa Barbara, California

        Beautiful and heartfelt collection.

      • Ashley Marie Rile profile imageAUTHOR

        Ashley Riley 

        4 months ago from Ayer, Massachusetts

        Thank you, Patty, for taking the time to read my article!

      • pattyfloren profile image

        Patty Florence 

        4 months ago from Illinois

        I like how you expressed your feelings. Keep on writing, and thanks.

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