Missy is a unique writer who enjoys inviting her readers into her thoughts through her poetry and other topics of discussion.
My Complicated Conversation With Myself
There will be no easy way to explain this poem. It was born out of a question I ask myself every day after giving myself time to wake up. The question pops in my head, and it has become another annoying habit of mine now.
Even so, the answer to the question never seems to fulfill me. Fulfillment is what I suspect I am looking for when I pose it to myself and ponder my own feelings. It is similar to when you bump into someone you know, and they ask--how are you, or how have you been? What do most of us always answer? Good. OK. Our answer usually isn't thought about. The response is a programmed response. Then, we reciprocate the question back to them, and they mirror our response. Well, I guess it is slightly different, because when I ask myself the question, I still never get an answer that will contribute to an automatic positive response.
Honestly, I do not know if my introverted personality is why I can never muster up a solid outlook and answer. Maybe it is my health that I struggle with? I guess I am too tired to look at myself in the mirror and say, "I feel lovely today." I mean, I'm searching for that day when my brain will stop putting up all the sickly ways I feel. I know I will have to train myself to wake up and push positivity on myself. However, will that work? Obviously, the good vibrations will not come naturally to me.
If you followed that pathetic rationalization, then you might find a way to understand my poem. If not, I hope the sheer complexity of it will be interesting to you. Thanks for reading!!
What Am I Feeling Today?
Meditations and warm baths
never quite rejoinder a solid
inquiry from within. These things
are recommended. These things
are soothing at best.
Yet, the quiet of an imaginary
waterfall or the sensation of
a hot-dip never really answers the
nagging and continuous question
that seeks constant accreditation.
Go forth, with life and ignore!
Go inward to hide your fault.
Digress from this Constant quiz!
Find a normal way.
What is this way? The expectation
has gobbled My soul. I could never
be the normal that has been
Grounded into my skin.
The evening comes on a
thunderstorm. My brain
hurts again. The answer
Another Day done. Another
mangled mouth from
Continued thoughts of Pica-
sand, pecans, a grit of
taste. My iron is always shallow.
My throat is sore today.
The brown butterfly in my neck
made me choke on my rations
The question has never been easy.
It has never been answered even when I
was a young mutant born.
Now, this constant debate has become
little arduous to ponder.
bit tedious to squander.
Knowing that I will still seek
but never will find.
Then realizing, I have
stated the answer and
it was so painfully analyzed!
Ambedo: From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows
© 2021 Missy Smith
Missy Smith (author) from Florida on April 14, 2021:
You are so right, MizB. I don't think anyone is normal, but most put themselves in the category of normal. If not normal they feel special with their normal type of life of making/spending money and getting married. lol. I shouldn't be mean about it. I'm not trying to be. Everybody should do life their own way. And there was a time I tried to be the normal type. The Universe, for whatever reason, didn't think normal fit me. It's made me wise and I can live with that.
Some may say my life has been boring. My high school friends once told me I would be the one most likely not to settle down. I was hurt by that back then. I didn't see it. I was also told by my exes evil new wife he left me for that I was a loser and would end up an old maid. lol. I didn't really care what she said. I was a big girl and could take it by then. I had been through a lot by that time. But...she was right. However, it has been mainly by my own choice now. I care not to meet another man that doesn't appreciate me. I can see the great value in being single when I look back on my past.
I'm glad you stopped by to comment. I always enjoy reading them. I feel guilty that I don't stop in enough to comment on others works here lately. I find myself confused on how to do that at this time. They have made some changes here it seems.
Doris James MizBejabbers from Beautiful South on April 13, 2021:
Missy, what is normal? I'm not normal, you say you're not normal. How many people are normal, better yet, how many people does it take to set the norm? I get your interesting poem quite well. I'm not depressed or introverted. I just feel like I'm a starseed. That isn't normal. How's that for weird, my friend?
Missy Smith (author) from Florida on April 13, 2021:
Thank you, John. I like to dress my own pictures up or put my own artwork with my poetry. I don't particularly like to search for photos through creative commons or stock.
You are correct. Poetry is often cathartic. My poetry usually sticks to that theme--to be honest. I knew a lot of people would not like the poem or simply not get it. Call me weird, but I liked the fact that most would not get it. Maybe, it made some think a little--maybe not? It didn't really matter. I like being the weird one. lol. So, thank you for reading it. You always have a great perspective of my work. :)
John Hansen from Gondwana Land on April 12, 2021:
Missy, poetry is often cathartic, and being able to express feelings in writing (that you often can’t verbally) is helpful. No one else, other than the person going through these feelings and emotions can really say “I understand.”
So, I can’t say “I understand” your poem totally but I do know where you are coming from. People expect us to act certain ways and deal with things the same way they do. They don’t realise it is not that easy for some of us, especially those suffering depression, anxiety, chronic illness etc.
I love the way you structured the poem and the sunflower theme. I hope you find the answers to your questions, My friend. Maybe you did through writing this poem.