Mr. Pretender's Last Stand

A playboy who thinks very highly of himself

Master of disguise and manipulation in plain sight

Can literally talk the habit off of a devoted nun

Walks into a room like he's the Mayor of Whoville

Chatting everyone up with friendly whiskey laced conversation

Resembling Matthew McConaughey from "Dazed and Confused"

Allows even the biggest wallflower to come out of their shell

A turtle who hasn't seen sunlight in really long time

Cracking a watermelon sized smile at the sunlight

At even the most benign sitcom level joke punchline

That's been done before with a much better execution

After months of the charm wrestling match

Finally relented into a private showing of the latest routine

Kicked down the internal wall just enough

To feel more like an adult in the third decade of existence

Standards and practices blocking a tackle of lightning fast moves

Pushing the player to the ground with a polite brush-off

Postponed to a later engagement only to realize the glow wore off

Realizing that not all the swagger in world can hide the truth

Underneath the Axe body spray veneer of perfection is a liar

Never takes the direct approach and plays the waiting game

Always the winner by driving the other players batty waiting

For a response they will never get; until it's time to relent

Revealing their winning hand sooner than anticipated

This turtle weary of the indirect approach

Retreating into the 73 degree comfort privacy shell

Where the television played whatever you pay for

And no one can make you feel like a socially immature failure

Until the alcohol buzz recedes.