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Mental Exhaustion

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Lately I've been anxious almost everyday
Don't know what will happen, what's coming my way
Afraid to see people, don't want to get out of bed.
Just want to stay in my room, I just want to sleep instead.

I lost appetite to food, but I'll force myself to eat.
I need to get by through the day, I need to stand on my own feet.
But whatever they tell me, I don't really care...
I'm completely lonely and with that I'm fully aware.

Absolutely lost in this world just like in a maze;
Don't know what to do, please give me your gaze.
I feel worthless, at this point in my life.
Don't have the motivation, don't want to strive.

My mind is full of negative thoughts,
Will I ever win this battle that depression brought.
It's suffocating and my chest bursts deep inside;
Tears fell off my cheeks, I can no longer hide.

I'm broken, shattered, clouded, I can't comprehend.
Sometimes...No most of it, I want my life to end.
To the point that I no longer think whether its right or wrong;
Because the more I suppress it, the more the feelings became strong.

Medications don't give the certainty
Whether I will be healed, or it all depends on me.
Its a vicious cycle that happens everytime;
Something pulled the trigger on this condition of mine.

Don't judge me 'coz you know nothing at all...
How I fight this feeling every second that fall.
It has no face, you can't even tell.
Even with a smile, you'll think that I'm well.

When did it start? I can't even recall.
I wish my mind could reprogram and reinstall.
Let good memories remain and erase all the pain.
I don't want to forever wait and live in vain.

I know at the moment I'm just at lost.
I don't know if its worthy at all it cost.
When will I return back to my old self?
Who used to be happy without doctors help.

I still hope for a better tomorrow
Where there's peace of mind and not sorrow.
God, please guard and guide me all the way.
Forgive me for the sins that I believe I have to pay.

© 2019 Janis

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