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Men Can Be Abused Too

It is said that each person has a book or poem in their mind waiting to be written. Perhaps this is my poem. My book is still in my mind.

Men Suffer 40% of Domestic Violence

Men Suffer 40% of Domestic Violence

Statistics Don't Lie, but Seldom Have All Facts

Performing a www search of the term "domestic violence against men" results in well over 30 web-pages on the topic from countries all over the world.

One of the better articles is on Wikipedia at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence_against_men

This article reveals a related term known as Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) which is a more descriptive term for violence by one partner on another, whilst Domestic Violence (DV) can be against any person in the domestic setting.

It is claimed that about 85% of reported domestic violence is against women, another report claims that over 40% of DV is against men, whilst yet another claims the figures to be closer to 50:50.

All the reports, surveys, and articles are very interesting and well worth taking time out to read some of them.

All of them make some mention of the stigma surrounding men being beaten by women and how it affects their mental state, their masculinity and how they are reluctant to talk about it because it makes them appear unmanly and weak.

Some reports even go as far as saying that some surveys and researches into the topic are politicized!

Whilst others, regrettably, attempt to turn the focus away from violent women and make claims of metal illness.

My poem is in support of all men, both openly or secretly, experienceing violence, of whatever sort, in their own homes.

It comes in many different guises

It comes in many different guises

Men Can Be Victims Too

To the world it all seems,

Real happiness and joy.

A loving father, doting wife,

Daddy's girl, and a boy.


But the reality is,

It’s all a facade,

Behind the closed doors,

Real life is real hard.


A man’s voice is loud,

And so easily heard,

But sometimes he’s shouting,

Because he runs scared.


Designer clothes, bags, and shoes,

And expensive jewelry glistens,

But nothing can be done,

Because nobody listens.


A maxed out joint credit card,

“Oh when will you learn?

You’re spending far too much,

Far more than I can earn!”.


“Oh don’t worry”, she says,

And, “Get off my back!,

It’ll all be OK,

We’ll soon pay it back!”.


But deep down inside,

He knows that’s not true,

But he stays silent again,

As his bruises turn blue.

Women can be abusers too

Women can be abusers too

A visit from her mother,

But what can he say?,

Her violence is fleeting,

It soon goes away.


Oh look, "Mother’s here!",

She demands, “Please be nice!,

If you’re not, you’ll be sorry

I don’t need to ask twice”.


When mom-in-law visits,

Life is fine and carefree,

When she leaves, it all changes,

But why should that be?


They say it’s not meek,

When a man turns his cheek,

But it happens too often,

When she’s a control freak.


A man's feelings are normal,

With desires and longings,

But instead of responding,

She destroys his belongings.


Alone in his man cave,

He breaks down in tears,

It’s a cry out for help,

But nobody hears.


Men suffer in silence,

Because that’s expected,

He can’t tell his friends,

In case he’s rejected.

Some men have to put up with a lot

Some men have to put up with a lot

A sad loveless marriage,

Is real hard to bear,

But when a man needs to talk,

There’s nobody there.


After years of hardship,

To build up his home,

A divorce will just wreck him,

All his possessions are gone.


Divorce courts will always,

Grant ex-wives the lion’s share,

The man, he goes destitute,

It’s all so unfair.


For these reasons and more,

Downtrodden men will endure,

Real hardship and strife,

From a domineering wife.


To be a father to his children,

Was all that he dreamed,

Never realizing his partner,

Was not all that she seemed.


To protect them from predators,

Was never a chore,

Never realizing the main one,

Was behind his home’s door.

At what point does aggression turn to violence?

At what point does aggression turn to violence?

When children are helpless,

And under attack,

A father must intervene,

For them he’ll fight back.


When a man tries to be,

His own children’s savior,

He can become a victim,

Of her psychotic behavior.


With the screaming and shouting,

Comes a knock on the door,

Concerned neighbors reported,

"Hello!, we're the law".


Domestic Violence by a man,

Is what they sadly expected,

Whilst Domestic Violence by women,

Often remains undetected,


And so sadly self defense,

Although protected by law,

Is difficult to prove,

With wild stories galore.


With tales and untruths,

She will manipulate,

Those meant to protect us,

She will seal his fate.


With lies and deceit,

And stories unrestricted,

She cunningly plans,

To have him evicted.


Alone in a rented room,

She has sealed his doom,

Home and family are gone,

It’s not easy holding on.

Anything can be a weapon in the wrong hands

Anything can be a weapon in the wrong hands

Attacked and abused,

But he’s now the accused,

Because of his ex,

The so-called gentler sex.


But nobody listens,

There’s nobody there,

When a man is a victim,

Does anyone care?


When nobody listens,

And nobody hears,

A man is alone,

Shedding blood, sweat, and tears.


Alone in his apartment,

Depressed he will sit,

Now divorced and in poverty,

Was it all really worth it?


Fourteen years in a bad marriage,

To protect his children from her,

Now his life is in ruins,

It’s just so unfair.


Downhearted and broken,

With no future in sight,

They say he'll bounce back,

Because It's easy, right?

© 2019 Stive Smyth

Comments

Lorna Lamon on November 09, 2019:

Your article and in particular your poem sheds light on domestic abuse against men. I think our preconceived ideas and thinking patterns from childhood allow us to ignore this particular type of abuse. However, as a psychologist I am seeing more cases where men are the victims. Abuse can never be excused, brushed under the carpet or ignored, regardless of gender. Thank you for drawing attention to such an important issue.