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Love is a Dream - A Poem

Kari enjoys writing poetry. There is a certain freedom in poetry because you don't always have to follow the rules.

The life shines while all around is darkness.

The life shines while all around is darkness.

Multiple Personalities, Schizophrenia, and Transgendered

Once upon a time I loved a complicated individual. He said he was trying to become a woman when he was a teenager, but decided to stay a man. Not knowing anything about transgender, I thought this was possible. I now know better.

They had DID (multiple personalities), schizophrenia, and was transgendered. I wanted to help them and support them. I stayed with them and took care of them for 5 years. During that time they became worse. They became catatonic and in the end their parents committed them.

About six months later his mother called me to tell me he was better. He was himself again, even using his birth name. I bought it hook, line and sinker. (I wanted to.) I moved to the state they were living in and had "him" move in with me.

During the year they lived with me, they told me that the being I had loved was made up to make me like him. They said that being was dead and gone. By the end of the year I had them move out. They died a year later.

It sounds pretty simple put this way. But it was anything but simple. I was lost, totally lost, when he returned from a hospital visit and told me he was a she. Anyway, it is a long and complicated story and at the time I questioned everything I knew.

Love is a Dream

If what I loved is a dream,

Is all love a dream?

Something we all hope for,

But never find it seems?

I thought I loved a truth

But now I have to see

The truth was just a lie

Invented to fool me

Thought I loved a man

Thought I was free to be me.

But he was not a he,

he was a she.

Now I wonder what truth

I am too blind to see.

So life can once again

Make a fool of me.

Sometimes life is tricky

And I can’t really see,

What’s around the corner

Or what’s in front of me.

The gossamer armor of hope

That I wear

Seems to unravel,

showing some tears.

If it’s all a dream

Then why try so hard.

I could just relax

And live life from afar.

I could tune out all

The noise and the clatter

And live very simply

Caring for what mattered.

Someplace I can grow things,

And get down on my knees

And thank all that is

For everything I see.


Kari Poulsen (author) from Ohio on September 15, 2020:

Thank you, Moshiur Rahman Nisham!!

Kari Poulsen (author) from Ohio on September 15, 2020:

Dora, thank you! My willingness to accept them was God's work. I try to live a life of love, to celebrate all the love I have. So, if it is a credit, it is to God, not me.

Moshiur Rahman Nishan from Rajshahi,Bangladesh on September 15, 2020:


Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on September 15, 2020:

Kari, this situation was complicated, for real. Happy that you were able to work through it to the point where you can "thank all that is." Your willingness to accept this individual speaks well of you.

Kari Poulsen (author) from Ohio on September 13, 2020:

Doris, it was deceit, and I never knew if they were sincere or playing me. The way I think means I take statements, actions and all else to be truthful because I try not to be a cynic. I have a hard time telling sometimes. And don’t worry, I don’t despair easily or often. Keep safe!

Kari Poulsen (author) from Ohio on September 13, 2020:

Pamela, I am glad you liked the poem. I want to trust, but I am so scared. I can love others because that’s what I do. Right now my pain and anxiety make me a homebody, but I will work through this. I have learned a lot about "best intentions" being the road to heck. I hope all is good in your world!

Kari Poulsen (author) from Ohio on September 13, 2020:

Eric, thank you very much. Your comment is so sweet. I try very hard to be good to others. And I have grown in spirit and faith since then. I hope you and yours are doing well!

Kari Poulsen (author) from Ohio on September 13, 2020:

Thank you, FlourishAnyway. It is hard staying with a counselor because of my lack of funds, I have to use a state clinic, and their counselors keep getting better jobs elsewhere. Thankfully I have the Great Counselor with me at all times. I appreciate your care! Hopefully everything is well for you!!

Doris James MizBejabbers from Beautiful South on September 12, 2020:

I understand your pain because deceit comes in many forms. You have a very poetic way of expressing your pain. The times we are end are bringing pain to many people. Just follow your faith, whatever it is, and don't let give in to despair. The veil is thinning and truth is just around the corner.

Pamela Oglesby from Sunny Florida on September 12, 2020:

It sounds like you really cared about them but they were deceitful. Having the best of intentions sometimes does not pay off as it sounds like they did lmanipulate you. I assume they were probably mentally ill.

This poem really said so much and I liked it. I hope your experience does not stop you from trusting other people, but maybe you will be more careful before trusting. I wish you the best.

Eric Dierker from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A. on September 11, 2020:

Wow, what a path to get you to the wonderful person you are. All I really know here is that you are a blessing here. Personally I think you did real good as at least some of your good rubbed off, I am certain. I think the poem is splendid.

FlourishAnyway from USA on September 11, 2020:

This person and their family deceived you. Your motives were genuine and they took advantage. Because of the twisted, malignant and longstanding nature of the deception it may be helpful if you talk to a counselor so you can trust others in a healthy way. Not your fault. Thank you for sharing this part of your life.

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