It wasn't scary, only revealing
The whole Amassoma drama
One minute I was chatting with a customer
Another second came rapid shots fired
The lady fled into her shop in fear
Locking me out as I stood frozen
It wasn't intentional, neither was it fear
It felt like lots of things
Déjà vu for one, but terror... Never
My head filled with flashes
Of terrible images from time past
All at once, none settling down
I felt frozen in time, in my own skin
Earthbound as one of my defence mechanisms kicked in
Blocking everything else out but those images
From before as a kid being brutalized
As a teenager who grew up too fast
Of my teenage friend Asu... Then him
That was when I caught myself
Slowly walking into the danger zone
As bullets pelted everywhere
I've always had a hard time
Trying to envision that face of his
But right then it came up with a startling clarity
I knew then I had to live
To fulfill all those dreams
Be the woman people looked up to
But realized something else...
My life was no longer mine to give or take
For it's been promised to him
And I knew right there
I've been blind to another fact
One I've been subconsciously fighting off
Same fact that kept me awake
All night he was ill
Same fact which got me on my knees in his bathroom
Offering prayers for him
With reprieve eventually
And corps members filed away
I need to know so asked
But was told by a force member
That batch was never returning to amassoma
My heart fell... And broke
They call it heartbreak
The question is ''why''
For my entire body felt broken too
It was agonizing my soul felt it
The pain of never seeing him again
Of being unable to tell him how I felt
It felt like Jonathan all over again
Only worse, for Joe was only a friend
But this mister was my friend and lover
So at this point my mind's made up
If love hurts this bad seeing as it was my first
I'd never give it a try again
CNO-Penarts
