It wasn't scary, only revealing

The whole Amassoma drama

One minute I was chatting with a customer

Another second came rapid shots fired

The lady fled into her shop in fear

Locking me out as I stood frozen

It wasn't intentional, neither was it fear

It felt like lots of things

Déjà vu for one, but terror... Never

My head filled with flashes

Of terrible images from time past

All at once, none settling down

I felt frozen in time, in my own skin

Earthbound as one of my defence mechanisms kicked in

Blocking everything else out but those images

From before as a kid being brutalized

As a teenager who grew up too fast

Of my teenage friend Asu... Then him

That was when I caught myself

Slowly walking into the danger zone

As bullets pelted everywhere

I've always had a hard time

Trying to envision that face of his

But right then it came up with a startling clarity

I knew then I had to live

To fulfill all those dreams

Be the woman people looked up to

But realized something else...

My life was no longer mine to give or take

For it's been promised to him

And I knew right there

I've been blind to another fact

One I've been subconsciously fighting off

Same fact that kept me awake

All night he was ill

Same fact which got me on my knees in his bathroom

Offering prayers for him

With reprieve eventually

And corps members filed away

I need to know so asked

But was told by a force member

That batch was never returning to amassoma

My heart fell... And broke

They call it heartbreak

The question is ''why''

For my entire body felt broken too

It was agonizing my soul felt it

The pain of never seeing him again

Of being unable to tell him how I felt

It felt like Jonathan all over again

Only worse, for Joe was only a friend

But this mister was my friend and lover

So at this point my mind's made up

If love hurts this bad seeing as it was my first

I'd never give it a try again

CNO-Penarts