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Limericks III of Our Lives

In retirement I have a while, To pen Limericks by the pile, I hope I bring U pleasure, As I write at my leisure, And hope they bring a smile

The Sky's the Limit

The Sky's the Limit

Apartment Life

My electric fan blade has just shattered

The fan guard did save me being battered

Switched-on, it began to oscillate

Just seconds, an enormous high rate

Turned it off, but too slow, that’s what mattered


When an electric fan breaks its blade

I start to wonder how it's made

Perhaps cheap material

Cutting costs that's usual

But it wasn't a cheap price that I had paid


Whatever will the neighbors think?

My kettle is horrendous pink

It looks ever so girly

I should call it Shirley

Better not, that might cause a stink


My floor’s not carpet but tiles

Their hardness will last for miles

They’re cool on my feet

It’s such a nice treat

The material’s ceramic not textiles


I have no ice for my drinks

So I’ll sit right back and thinks

The plastic egg tray

Will save the day

Washed and cleaned it no longer stinks

Ice Tray (Plastic Egg Carton)

Ice Tray (Plastic Egg Carton)

Interests Life

The aim of the game is always the same

To win at all costs regardless of blame

Subtle cheats here 'n' there

Are OK?, they don’t care

Just bring home the prize, and the fame


Since the days of Edward Lear

In poetry clubs afar and near

Limericks are told

By the young and the old

They always will, you can have no fear


To emulate the great Edward Lear

Nonsense limericks are required, that’s clear

There was a man, they began

From some place in some land

I’ll write some, try to be Edward’s peer

Compass Bearing

Compass Bearing

Nonsense Limericks (with a Nod to Ed. Lear)

The was a man from the South

Who had an enormous mouth

He could swallow a whale

With room to inhale

At times he was used as a goalmouth


There was a man from the North

Who, when called upon, came forth

They said “What a guy”

But he didn’t know why

He wasn’t the first, only fourth


There was a man from the East

Who arranged a really great feast

He drank with a thirst

And ate till he burst

‘Twas the gas, they said, from the yeast


There was a man from the West

Who would always try to be best

He just couldn't face

To come second place

He was still trying when they laid him to rest


There was a man from the mountains

Who enjoyed dancing in fountains

Crowds would throw coins

When he gyrated his loins

At the bank, he opened an account in


A (Tongue-in-Cheek) Ode to a Broken Fan Blade

Oh Broken blade, broken blade,

Oh how you danced and played

Almost had me in a trance

Almost made me fill my pants

The day your breaking-up was so displayed


There was a man from a beecher

Who was a normal human creature

He ate honey from bees

From the hives in the trees

On Sundays he had tea with a preacher

(Beecher or beacher in Ye Olde Englishe means “a place near the beech trees”)

Map and Compasses

Map and Compasses

“That’s Life” Life (C'est La Vie)

When we play by the rules

We get taken for fools

By unemotional folk

Who think it’s a joke

That some people are just not cruel


I eat my meal at the table

Because I am very able

I don’t sit on the floor

It makes me real sore

Close the door, where you born in a stable?


It never rains but it pours

When we sail from our shores

And when we come back

We can see an acute lack

Of possessions that once were yours


Please look after my things

And the pleasure that they brings

Treat ‘em as your own

And when I come home

I’ll bring gifts like bracelets and rings


Please store my belongings and saddles

While I’m away enjoying my travels

Don’t do it, please stop

My own, not charity shop

Many memories in my stuff you’ll unravels


In my younger days I took a wife

In cockney rhyme she’s trouble and strife

Though I always tried my best

Ne’er truer words were said in jest

Drastic thoughts of needing sanctuary were rife


There is no can’t in AmeriCAN

Also true for African and Mexican

But if I could be bold

I’d say if the truth be told

With the right attitude any man can


It is said that the sky’s the limit

So why do many folk say “What’s in it...”

...for me? I need to gain,

Without any pain

Give me a clue, or else you can bin it”

Pink Kettle (Water Heater Jug)

Pink Kettle (Water Heater Jug)

Other Sectors of Life

Hobby Life

Whilst rambling I had a mishap

So I bought for myself a new map

And compass, I confess

Are much better than GPS

Which perhaps is just a stop-gap


When I tried I didn’t get far

When learning to play my guitar

I got off to a good start

Learned some chords by heart

But I play slow, I just can't be a star


I tried to learn my ukulele

I practiced every day and that’s daily

But like the guitar

I just couldn’t get far

Now it’s all gone like a comet named Haley


Whilst hiking I had a mishap

So I bought for me another map

They say I look grand

With map ‘n’ compass in hand

But I know it’s all flattery and ‘crapberries’


Work Life

Seven months since I retired

Wasting away, I need be rehired

But what can I do?

If I tell the boss what to do

Then that might just get me re-fired

3-Blade Standing Electric Fans

3-Blade Standing Electric Fans

© 2019 Stive Smyth

Comments

Stive Smyth (author) from Philippines on March 28, 2020:

You are welcome Mitara N and thank you for your kind comment.

Mitara N from South Africa on March 25, 2020:

Your collection of limericks are amazing, each one speaking to the next instrumentally.

Thank you for sharing

Stive Smyth (author) from Philippines on December 20, 2019:

Thank you Elijah. I like your comment - very thoughtful.

Elijah A Alexander Jr from Washington DC on December 16, 2019:

Stive, Great work to say the least

It gave my mind a great feast

to change my thoughts direction

into laugher and reflection.

However, when I broke my plastic made fan

I Knocked it off of my nightstand.

Thanks for the sharing.

Stive Smyth (author) from Philippines on December 16, 2019:

Thank you Linda. I'm happy that you found some enjoyment in my ramblings.

Linda Crampton from British Columbia, Canada on December 15, 2019:

This is an interesting and enjoyable collection of limericks. I like your method of making ice!

Stive Smyth (author) from Philippines on December 15, 2019:

Thank you for the compliment Tiyasha. I'm happy that they brought you some pleasure.

Tiyasha Maitra from Gurgaon on December 15, 2019:

This is a great collection.A very enjoyable piece.

Stive Smyth (author) from Philippines on December 15, 2019:

Thanx John

John Hansen from Gondwana Land on December 15, 2019:

What a good collection of limericks, Stive. A fun read.

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