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Limericks II of Our Lives

In retirement I have a while, To pen Limericks by the pile, I hope I bring U pleasure, As I write at my leisure, And hope they bring a smile

Room Thermometer

Room Thermometer (Soda Bottle)

Room Thermometer (Soda Bottle)

Apartment Life

I haven’t an earthly clue

And I don’t know what to do

All my money is spent

I can't pay my rent

I think I’m in trouble, don’t you?

I defrosted my apartment refrigerator

It really needed doing sooner or later

Now it bangs and pops

Every hour, never stops

Is my landlord a self-defroster hater?

I bought myself a hair trimmer

I was hoping to have a real glimmer

Of hope, to be frugal

To blow my own bugle

But now I look like a dog’s dinner

Apartment life is the thing

Gadgets galore and some bling

I had to divorce her

She’s like the enforcer

Now I live my life with some zing

My air-con is not cool

It makes me sound a fool

For me it won’t play

But the maintenance say

It works fine, it’s OK, that’s the rule

I bought for myself a thermometer

My room temperature for to monitor

I’ve named it ‘Arry Stottle

It’s shape's a coke bottle

I should get a sphygmomanometer

The temperature scale is so small

So when I hang it up on my wall

It creates an impasse

A magnifying glass

For help and assistance I call

I have an electric fan

Because it is cooler than

Doing it by hand

Which could get me banned

Fanning around like a mad man

I have an extendable back scratcher

It’s as reliable as old Mrs Thatcher

It generates some flak

When it gets up my back

I can also use it as a fly catcher

My back scratcher is extendable

It’s so useful it’s not expendable

It’s regularly manned

Seven fingers on its hand

Strong stainless steel and not bendable

Temperature Scale

Temperature Scale

Retirement Life

Retirement is a boon

I can lie in bed till noon

It wastes half a day

Let's not waste it I say

I must motivate myself soon

There was a man from the UK

Retired to the Philippines one day

He chilled and relaxed

And wasn’t poleaxed

By culture shock, they say

My working days are gone

But I’ll keep holding on

I’ll find something to do

I can assure you

That conclusion is foregone

Extendable Back Scratcher

Extendable Back Scratcher

Interests Life

They say we should all write a book

So I decided, I would take a look

A thousand words a day

Is a huge target I’d say

By my injury I was let off the hook

Book-writing now seems to be a fashion

Murder mystery, novel, or crime of passion

Fact or maybe fiction

There’s duty dereliction

Will the chores in my life go on ration?

I’m interested in photography

The fact is my local geography

With mountains and hills

And rivers and thrills

Suggests that I write a biography

Magnifying Glass

Magnifying Glass

"That's Life" Life

My hard disk went and died

I swore and nearly cried

It was 500 Gigabytes

Thankfully not Terror-bytes

“Must find my backup”, I lied

I think it must be racket

I just can’t open this packet

Of raisins I bought

It’s easy I thought

But it’s not, it’s like a strait jacket

I feel like such a jerk

My digital thesaurus won’t work

They didn’t explode

But batteries corrode

When they leak, and now it does irk

Digital Thesaurus (plus)

Digital Thesaurus (plus)

Hobby Life

I want to own a drone

And fly it on my own

I’ll send it up high

With a camera I’ll spy

On all of the private zones

My boomerang won’t come back

They thought it was an attack

They shot it down

The folk across town

They said I was on the wrong track

My drone that I will own

Will never ever come home

‘Twill sit up on high

My eye in the sky

The coolest drone ever flown

Work Life

I used to work in Metrology

Yes, true, not meteorology

It’s measurements everlasting

Not weather forecasting

It’s very old not new ideology

I also worked in calibration

It’s a boon for every nation

Specifications abound

All have to be sound

To ensure that there’s no conflagration

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  • Limericks of Our Lives
    A set of limericks about my personal life stage, of 'enforced' retirement, that reflect my thoughts, my feelings, and my experiences, and that can affect us all at various times. I hope that you approve..

© 2019 Stive Smyth

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