Skip to main content

11 Lame Limericks of Love and Lustfulness

John values the use of humour and enjoys writing and reading limericks and jokes. He is a fan of Dr. Seuss, Edward Lear and Shel Silverstein


Choosing a topic

My process of writing a collection of limericks is first to choose a topic. This is the easy part, whatever comes into my head. My previous topics have been 'life', 'tv and movie characters' and 'sport'. This time I decided to choose 'love' as it is the most popular subject for poetry. However limericks by their very nature tend to lend themselves to leaning towards the ruder side of things, so although I had good intentions, some of these tend to contain 'adult themes' as the movies say.

Therefore I decided to alter the title from "Limericks of Love" to "Lame Limericks of Love and Lustfulness". I hope you enjoy my fourth collection of limericks.

Sculpture by Barbara St Jean

Sculpture by Barbara St Jean

A Good Fit

There was a young couple in love,

Brought together by God up above.

When they were apart

It broke both their hearts.

Her name was Hands, and his Glove.


The Pearl Diver

A tanned deep-sea diver, Tom Sirl

Was desperately needing a girl.

While diving one day

He shouted, "Hooray!"

He's caught a sweet mermaid named 'Pearl.'

Courting Couple

A couple from London were courting,

Though it may not have seemed very sporting.

When they drove to the lake,

His clothes off he's take,

Then she'd run away laughing and snorting.

Big Butts

I'm Behind You

A fellow with love on his mind,

Had a thing for a curvy behind.

He met this big girl

Who'd sway and she'd twirl.

Oh she was a wonderful find.


Over My Dead Body

A couple were due to be wed,

But the bride's mother suddenly said,

"If you marry that guy

Your father will die!

With my blessing, please go ahead."

Yankee Doodle

A horny young soldier named Frank

Spent most of the war in a tank.

Though from the U.S of A

That isn't to say,

The reason they called him a 'Yank.'

King of the Ring

True love is a beautiful thing,

It is often sealed with a ring.

As husband and wife

You're a couple for life,

As long as you treat him like King.

Love at First Sight

Their eyes met in the candlelight,

It was clearly love at first sight.

She smiled as he rose

Up onto his toes,

Just as tall as the table in height.

Roses are Red

Roses are red and violets are blue,

Honey is sweet and so are you,

Sunflowers are bright,

Except in the night,

So let's get together and


Heart Race Disgrace

I met a beauty who made my heart race,

I asked her to come see my place.

She stepped in the door'

Took one look at the floor,

And said, "What an utter disgrace!"


The Internet Date

A pretty young girl known as Kate

Agreed to an Internet date.

The fellow she met

Who looked good on the Net,

Turned out obese, ugly, and late.


© 2014 John Hansen

Related Articles