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LOVING AN ADDICT ~ A Poetry Compilation Plus

A Brief History . . .

Addiction comes in a variety of forms. For many years, I loved and cared about someone who was a drug addict. I desperately wanted to help this person through their illness to a happier life. I had hopes about our relationship and dreams of how things could be so wonderful without addiction in the picture.

It did not work out as I planned.

Four poems I've written, related to addiction and loving someone that is an addict, have been compiled here. I feel there is a story to be told.

Addiction is devastating in many ways: to the addict as well as those close to them.

No matter how much we may try to help, ultimately, it is not our choice. The addict must have a sincere desire to change their own behavior.

My hope is that by sharing my experience, it will help others in similar situations and also give addicts some understanding of what those that care about them go through.

My personal message to addicts ~ you are not alone, there is professional help out there if you want it.

My personal message to those in the life of an addict ~ you are not alone, there is professional help out there for you too. First and foremost, you must take care of YOU.

This is Sharyn's Slant


DRUG ADDICTION and A Brand New Start

A brand new start is possible.

A brand new start is possible.

DRUG ADDICTION and A Brand New Start

Originally published March 29, 2011


I will no longer allow drugs in my home

If that's what you want, you'll have to roam

Through the dark scary streets where drugs prevail

Where everything addictive is for sale.


I am stronger with each day that passes

And I'll get even stronger through special classes

So that I can hold my ground like never before

If you must have the drugs, I'll show you the door.


I will no longer live in the chaotic hell

The tip-toe dance we know so well

The lies and deceit are so painful you know

If that continues, you'll have to go.


I must continue to learn how NOT to enable you

You must feel the consequences of what you do

If remaining an active addict is what you desire

I will not be there to put out the fire.


Of course there will be struggles along the way

But I can only pray for the day

Your two feet are firmly on the ground

And I know you’ve turned your life around.


Taking care of myself is what I must do

None of this is meant to hurt you

I love you with all my heart

All I want for you is a brand new start.

ss


The Easy Way Out

Which road will you take?

Which road will you take?

THE EASY WAY OUT

Originally published May 4, 2011


Is that what you want

The easy way out

To leave this world

Without any doubt

That addiction was all

That you were about


I know it’s not true

Because I know you well

But others will just assume

Another life lived in hell


There’s more to your life

You have goals and dreams

They are important to you

At times it seems


So stop for a minute

Take a deep breath

Do not let them think this

When it’s time for your death


Do not let happiness

Pass you by

Please change your life

Before you die


Your family and friends

Will grieve when you’re gone

I pray it won’t be

Because your addiction has won


Do not leave this world

Hopelessly lost

Living as an addict

Never counting the cost.

ss


My Desire To Fix Your Addiction

Always putting out fires.

Always putting out fires.

MY DESIRE TO FIX YOUR ADDICTION

Originally published May 5, 2011


Yes I really wish I could

Often feeling that I should

Be the one to make it right

Help you in your lonely fight


I beg

I plead

I want you freed

From the devil’s destructive greed


Spent so much time

Trying to fix you

Help you turn around

Help you start anew


Do you care

Can you see

How my efforts

Exhaust me


Yes I really wish I could

Often feeling that I should

Be the one to make it right

Help you in your lonely fight


Today I finally understand

It’s okay to hold your hand

But I cannot fix you dear

This became extremely clear


This brutal battle

Not mine to combat

I truly only wish that


The daily struggles

Which you face

Were in my power to erase


The addiction cycle

Can be reversed

Do not live

As though you’ve been cursed


Yes I really wish I could

Often feeling that I should

Be the one to make it right

Help you in your lonely fight


Today I know I can’t fix you

Doesn’t matter what I do

The desire to change

Must come from your soul

I can only pray

It’s your ultimate goal.

ss


A CrAcKeD Life

A CrAcKeD Life (Addiction & Suicide)

Originally published November 17, 2011


What can I say

That I haven’t already

Said to you many times before

I’m left with so many questions

Need so many answers

Now you selfishly closed the door.


You gave up

Didn’t care anymore

When your life took a very steep curve

Why did you feel

That your life was not worth

The help that you so deserve.


You struggled a lot

Daily at times

But cheerfully always bounced back

I wish I understood

Why you quit fighting

Was it ultimately the Crack?


I was always there for you

To help you through

I truly gave you my all

I was so afraid

The day would come

That I would get the call.


Happy and sad

Manic and depressed

All at the very same time

No matter how difficult

Your life became

You always continued to climb.


So when I got the call

On October 8th (2011)

I certainly wasn’t prepared

I was in shock

And angry too

Thinking of all that we shared.


I always thought the call

Would be about

A drug deal gone wrong

You took crazy risks

This I knew

I was afraid all along.


Our past eight years

The ups and downs

Were certainly a bumpy ride

Yet I don’t think

I’ll ever get over

It ending in suicide.

ss


THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!

My personal message to those who may have considered suicide: There is professional help out there, everywhere. Please find it.

I can only speak from the point of view as someone who was left behind after suicide. It is an absolutely horrible feeling knowing that someone you love did not feel their life was worth living. The shock and grieving that follow are like no other imaginable.

This is Sharyn's Slant


National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-TALK (8255)

National Addiction Hotline: 866-301-0367

National Alcoholism and Substance Abuse Information Center: 800-784-6776

National Drug Information Treatment and Referral Hotline: 800-662-HELP (4357)

National Alliance on Mental Illness: 800-950-NAMI (6264)

National Cocaine Hotline: 800-COCAINE (262-2463)

A beautiful song by Charles Wiles concerned about his friend's suicidal thoughts.

How to Stop Enabling a Drug Addict

WHAT LEGACY WILL YOU LEAVE BEHIND ~ Have You Thought About It?

One More Reminder 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Comments

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on September 01, 2020:

Thank you Debangee, appreciate your feedback!

Debangee Mandal from India on September 01, 2020:

Beautifully written. Thanks for sharing.

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on August 20, 2020:

Thank you so much Sankhajit! I appreciate your time and feedback.

Sankhajit Bhattacharjee on August 18, 2020:

a beautiful as well as valuable post...

B from Ireland on August 02, 2020:

Very touching and very well wrote, a topic which atomically brings a stigma. Hate the illness NOT the addict...

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on July 27, 2020:

Hi Ernest,

I agree. Thank you for stopping by!

Ernest Festus Awudey from Ho, Ghana. on July 27, 2020:

Great one there! Addiction can be very devastating, but there's always a way out. We just have to come to ourselves and make that bold decision.

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on May 02, 2020:

Hi Ryan,

Thank you so much for your kind comments. There IS always someone to talk to, just wish some would realize they are not alone.

Take care!

Sharyn

RBN Knowledge on May 02, 2020:

This pieces would bring hope and enlightenment to many. Thanks for sharing. There is really always a way to any problems, and someone is always there to talk to.

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on February 22, 2020:

Thank you SO much Cheryl!

Cheryl E Preston from Roanoke on February 21, 2020:

Beautiful and from the heart.

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on May 23, 2018:

Thank you so much Nyesha! I hope that by sharing this part of my life, that it may help someone else out there.

Nyesha Pagnou MPH from USA on May 22, 2018:

Hi Sharon,

Thank you so much for sharing these thoughtful poems with all of us. Please accept my condolences. I am so sorry for your loss.

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on January 08, 2017:

So sorry to hear about your brother SchoolGirl. Sucks! Thank you so much for stopping by. I wish you healing as well!

Sharyn

schoolgirlforreal on January 07, 2017:

Very kind of you to share and help others. My brother passed in April 2016 from accidental overdose. I wish you healing. God bless you.

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on December 10, 2014:

Hi cam8510 ~ I am glad you did too! Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments. Happy Holidays!

Sharyn

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on December 08, 2014:

Hello mdscoggins ~addiction can be so devastating and create havoc with anything/anyone in its path. I hope that my openness with my writing will help others with similar struggles. Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments. Take care,

Sharyn

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on December 07, 2014:

Hi Rebecca ~ unfortunately, this all probably sounds familiar to many people. Thank you so much for your comments.

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on December 05, 2014:

Hi Audrey,

I apologize for how long it has taken me to respond. I really do hope these poems help others not feel alone. Addiction and suicide are such a horrible loss and those left behind struggle with the what if's. I really appreciate your kind words. Thank you!

Sharyn

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on December 05, 2014:

Hi Audrey,

I apologize for how long it has taken me to respond. I really do hope these poems help others not feel alone. Addiction and suicide are such a horrible loss and those left behind struggle with the what if's. I really appreciate your kind words. Thank you!

Sharyn

Rebecca Mealey from Northeastern Georgia, USA on November 18, 2014:

Thank you for sharing such very personal poems. My son was involved with an addict for about a year. This sounds familiar.

Chris Mills from Traverse City, MI on November 18, 2014:

I'm glad I ran across this article of yours. I spent too long on the destructiveive side of this scenario. Your words are wise and beautifully related.

Michelle Scoggins from Fresno, CA on November 18, 2014:

Thank you Sharyn for bringing us into your world. Addiction is so powerful and tries to tear apart everyone in its path. I am glad that you were able to let go and allow that person to live their own life. Unfortunately loved ones are the ones left behind to see the destruction as it is happening. I hope that the poetry was able to free some of the pain from your heart. Again thank you..

Audrey Hunt from Idyllwild Ca. on November 18, 2014:

I return here every-so-often to re-read your incredible poetry. This time I thought I would leave a comment. Your message is powerful as well as helpful for so many out there that need to know they are not alone.

The late Robin Williams suicide was such a tragic loss to the entire world. We never know the internal pain another person may be carrying.

Thank you Sharyn for all that you give to others.

Voted across (not funny) and sharing everywhere. Have a lovely day. Audrey

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on November 17, 2014:

Tensiongentry ~ thank you SO much for your wonderful comments. It means a lot to me to know that my writing may help educate others who have had similar struggles.

Tensiongentry on November 05, 2014:

What a powerful compilation Sharyn. So many of us have known or lived with someone who was an addict. Keep fighting the good fight and using your poetry to educate others and show them the way home.

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on May 04, 2013:

Hello imthebean ~ I have no idea why I did not see your comment until now. I apologize. Thank you so much for your kind feedback. Take care,

Sharyn

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on May 04, 2013:

Hi Abbey ~ it is definitely hard not to get pulled in. It takes will power on the part of all involved in an addictive situation. Thank you so much for stopping by.

Sharyn

Abbey on May 03, 2013:

So glad I got to these comments there are so many stories that I can relate to. Living with an addict, and watching the ups and down, it is hard not get pulled in. Sometimes you just have to be quiet. Learning when to confront and when not.

Lauren Shumate from Georgia on March 28, 2013:

Hello, I truly loved these poems, all of them, I have a real understanding to them as I have a friend who is an addict as well. Beautiful words and I really feel strongly about the poems, fantastic writer!

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on February 14, 2013:

Hi Amy ~ sorry I haven't had a chance to respond sooner. I love how you say "blessed and cursed as writers." Definitely! At times, it does feel good to release what we feel through written words. But it does leave us vulnerable for all to see. Typically when I publish something like this, my main intent is to help others either feel they are not alone or even help them make better decisions to avoid more painful situations in their own personal life. Thank you for your feedback and for sharing bits of your life here. I wish you the best.

Sharyn

ExoticHippieQueen on February 10, 2013:

Oh Sharyn, we are both blessed and cursed as writers to be able to feel our pain so sharply, possibly more deeply than non-creative people, and then blessed to be able to articulate that pain into words. Those words lay it out for all to see, the pain, desperation, the fear. You spelled it all out so clearly so that there would be no mistake in understanding all of those emotions and more. All I can say is that with a mentally ill family member, and an addicted ex-husband, I feel your pain, and hope that you will continue with your healthy plans for yourself and your future!

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on January 16, 2013:

Hi Kelley ~ Thank you so much for your kind feedback. It is a difficult position to be in when you love someone who is an addict. I hope that by sharing what I have gone through, it may help others not feel alone and also encourage them to get help. I appreciate you stopping by.

Sharyn

kelleyward on January 15, 2013:

Wow this moved me to tears as well. I can feel the pain you endured in dealing with addiction. Life is full of opportunities and chances for us to learn more about who we are and those around us. Thanks for sharing this wonderful compilation of poetry!

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on September 12, 2012:

Aw Cyndi ~ you are so sweet. Life can sure give us hard times that we must work through and get to a better "place." It isn't easy. But I have always felt that sharing some things that are quite personal makes me feel that I am making a difference in others lives and if others can relate and not feel so alone, well, I'm happy about that. Thank you for your love and hugs and white light and your friendship. I appreciate you more than you know.

Sharyn

Cynthia Calhoun from Western NC on September 12, 2012:

You moved me to tears. Your words...poetry and hard-won experiences are incredible. I never knew this about you, but it makes me respect you WAY more. Not that I didn't have infinite amounts of respect for you before, but just imagine me reaching through the screen and hugging you with big arms and love. You are a rock - a pillar of strength - Sharon. Keep inspiring. I'll keep sending you white light and love. :)

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on April 18, 2012:

Hi Vinaya ~ wow, what a horrible thing you had to go through at such a young age. I don't wish what I have gone through on anyone. Not only the horrific issues that go along with trying to help an addict, but also the devastation of suicide. Thank you so much for sharing your story about your friend. Take care,

Sharyn

Vinaya Ghimire from Nepal on April 18, 2012:

When I was in high school I shared a room with a drug addict. For two years I try to mend him then he finally died because of overdose.

Your poetry reminded me of my drug addict friend.

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on April 09, 2012:

Hi Audrey ~ I am so glad you stopped by. Thank you for your awesome feedback, linking, and votes. I appreciate that so much since this work is very close to my heart.

Sharyn

Audrey Hunt from Idyllwild Ca. on April 08, 2012:

Sharon - I have put a link to this most amazing poetry on my latest hub poem "Acquaint yourself with the master of fear."

I absolutely love your work. Voted up and across except for funny.

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on April 04, 2012:

Hi Phoebe ~ thank you for such a thoughtful comment. I appreciate you stopping by.

Sharyn

Phoebe Pike on April 03, 2012:

A strong message is in your poetry. It's incredible.

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on March 29, 2012:

Hi Sadie ~ I agree. You must put yourself first. It's difficult, though, when you are so used to taking care of others. Yet, it's a necessary change to make. I appreciate your comments. Thank you!

Sharyn

Brittany B from U.S. on March 28, 2012:

This is a great hub. I went through being with an addict for two years and it is really hard to get out if they don't want help. You definitely do have to put yourself first in the long run.

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on March 23, 2012:

Paula, No, this doesn't seem fair :( Thank you for your words of comfort! I appreciate you my friend!

Suzie from Carson City on March 23, 2012:

Soooo tragic. I'm sorry you have had to go through this. Life isn't always fair, is it, Sharyn. Have peace in knowing you were a true friend.....

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on March 23, 2012:

Hi Paula ~ gosh, I definitely was educated about things I believe I really never needed to learn.

I just wanted to clarify that this situation, the person I am writing about, committed suicide just over 5 months ago. It is a horrible, painful reality. Yet my hope is that my writing will help others in similar situations.

Thank you so much for your feedback.

Sharyn

Suzie from Carson City on March 23, 2012:

Sharyn.....very real and so moving. Sometimes, we find ourselves being "educated" in things we never realized we'd have to learn. I understand how this happens and the words you have written speak loudly and clearly.

It is a slow and difficult process to reach that point of ceasing all co-dependence....but as we discover, it is absolutey necessary.

When the addict finally awakens, only then will they truly appreciate what we had to do and why. In any event, I know it requires much courage. Up & awesome

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on March 18, 2012:

Hello Bea Wiser ~ thank you so much. I do hope that by sharing this part of my life, it will help others. Thank you for your kind comments.

Sharyn

Bea Wiser from Midwest, USA on March 18, 2012:

Wow. How poignant, no doubt that your sharing this experience will help others. Congratulations on surviving the journey with such strength and insight.

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on March 13, 2012:

Hi Justin ~ It has certainly been a tough road and I hope my sharing will help others. Thank you for such a wonderful comment.

Sharyn

Justin W Price from Juneau, Alaska on March 10, 2012:

beautiful work, Sharyn. I admire your strength!

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on March 08, 2012:

Hi Lesley ~ gosh, I feel so bad to know that you also went through something so heartbreaking. As you mentioned, is it harder to live with someone's addiction or to live after their suicide . . . wow, as I am sure you know, that is a really difficult question. Yet either way, it is hell. Thank you for sharing a deep piece of you here. I do believe as others see they are not alone, it will help in some way. Sending big hugs,

Sharyn

Movie Master from United Kingdom on March 08, 2012:

Hi Sharyn, I have visited and read several times now - here I am again and hopefully I can leave a comment this time.

I felt and know the heartbreak in your words, is it harder to live with someone's addiction, or to live after their suicide...

Thank you for having the courage to share this, your words will help people more than you know.

Best wishes Lesley

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on March 01, 2012:

Hi Ann ~ I agree, it is so frustrating to want to make a difference and feel that you are not. I really appreciate you stopping by. Thank You!

Sharyn

anndavis25 from Clearwater, Fl. on March 01, 2012:

I have seen addiction in my family. It's frustrating to stand by and watch, and not be able to make a difference.

A sensitive and loving hub.

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on February 28, 2012:

Jacqueline ~ Thank you for stopping by to read and comment. Have a wonderful day!

Sharyn

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on February 28, 2012:

Hi Tammy ~ A heartfelt "Thank You" to you! I appreciate how you said "trying to love these things out of people." I deeply understand that statement. It is a difficult reality that we feel we can fix someone by loving them, yet it usually does not work that way. Thank you so much for your openness in your comments.

Sharyn

Jacqueline Myers from Texas on February 27, 2012:

Very good, I really enjoyed your poems.

Tammy from North Carolina on February 26, 2012:

Sharon,

I am so sorry for your loss and for the fact that you are living with this. There are addicts and then there are those who spend our lives trying to love these things out of people. Usually we are unsuccesful as vices are a powerful thing. I have addicts in my family and after 20 years of trying to fix it and sometimes enabling it I had to walk away. You are a true angel and you did all that you could. Sometimes love isn't enough and it isn't your fault. So beautiful.

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on February 25, 2012:

Hi Amy ~ There is definitely a lot of heartache involved when you love someone with an addiction. I do hope that by "pouring it out here" - it will touch someone else who feels alone and possibly misunderstood. Thank you for your special feedback and hugs!

Sharyn

ExoticHippieQueen on February 25, 2012:

Hi Sharyn, thank you for all the work that you put into these amazing poems. You poured your heart and personal history into them, and they are sad and beautiful. It is such a heartache loving someone with an addiction, and you opened your heart to share the ache. Hugs to you..........

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on February 24, 2012:

Hi Ruchira ~ how are you, great to see you. I agree with you, that is my wish too, that no one has to experience this type of pain. It is like no other for sure. I really appreciate your feedback and special wishes. Thank you so much,

Sharyn

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on February 24, 2012:

Hi Gina ~ Nice to meet you. Your comments mean a lot to me. I especially love when you said "You have made the 'mess' your message to help others going through the same thing." I really like that. I definitely feel that I have a message but I also know that I still have lots to learn too. So I truly appreciate all the feedback I am receiving. It is helping me to learn and grow too. Thank you so much. Best wishes to you in making sure you take care of yourself.

Sharyn

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on February 24, 2012:

healthwealthmusic ~ hi, it's great to meet you. I agree, it is so difficult to watch someone that you love be self destructive. I also understand being blamed at times when in reality, it has nothing to do with you. I'm glad to hear you say that you refuse to be emotionally dragged down. Wishing you continued strength on this difficult journey.

Sharyn

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on February 24, 2012:

Hi Debbie ~ Yes, this certainly does apply to all addictions, not just one specifically. I appreciate your feedback, votes and shares too. Thank you,

Sharyn

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on February 24, 2012:

kelleyward ~ Absolutely, I believe we all have been touched by addiction in some way. I, too, feel it is on the increase and it is very scary. I can only hope that something that is communicated here touches someone who is ready to make a change. Thank you so much for your feedback.

Sharyn

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on February 24, 2012:

Hi Susan H ~ I understand the addict not wanting to help themselves. No matter how much you love the person, beg them to get help, force them to get help, give of yourself to them, etc., it will never work unless they truly want to change.

You had said "one destructive thing after another." Wow, such a true and powerful statement. When I was in all the "chaos" - this became normal which is so sad. I see everything clearer now of course. I appreciate YOU and your support. Thank you,

Sharyn

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on February 24, 2012:

winbo ~ Thank you for stopping by to read and comment. I appreciate your votes too!

Sharyn

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on February 23, 2012:

Mark ~ Thank you for your openness and all of your writing related to addiction as well. Your hub name, The Clean Life, says it all. I appreciate how you continuously share your struggles knowing that you will touch so many other lives. You are proof that change/sobriety is possible.

Thank you for your heartfelt words of encouragement. I appreciate all my HP friends. It is a comfort to know that you are here.

Sharyn

Ruchira from United States on February 23, 2012:

Dear Sharyn,

These poems were so touching. I only hope and wish that no one ever experiences the pain that was felt in the above.

Wishing you peace and joy, my friend!

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on February 23, 2012:

Dear Sunnie ~ Letting go and "tough love" is extremely difficult. I know you have struggled with this and believe you have done the right thing. This is not something that you just DO, it's a process and takes time to get to that point of understanding. It does no one any good if you don't take care of yourself. A tough lessen I've learned. It does not mean you stop loving the addict. I realize that now. It simply means you actually do love them with all your heart and soul.

And of course, none of this is easy to share. Not just the fact that all this in my life ended in a suicide of someone I loved. But also sharing many of the details as they relate to me and those that love an addict go through. Best wishes to you and your family Sunnie.

Thank you for your hugs, many more back at ya!

Sharyn

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on February 23, 2012:

Susan Z ~ Thank you so much my friend! I appreciate you taking the time to read this even though you've seen most of this before. I wish you didn't have to understand what I have gone through. We both know it certainly sucks (to be blunt.)

Thank you so much for being there for me. Time does have a way of healing but I don't think it can totally mend everything. This has been a huge learning experience that I hope by sharing, can let others know they are not alone. I appreciate your friendship always. Sending hugs your way,

Sharyn

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on February 23, 2012:

Hi Billy ~ Thank you for your extremely touching comments. Your words are exactly why I pulled this together. I appreciate your feedback. I am really glad you stopped by.

Sharyn

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on February 23, 2012:

Hey Lord ~ I really appreciate your comments. Addiction is a huge problem, and I believe that just about everyone has been touched by it in some way or another.

I worry all the time about my nieces and nephews, seven of them. They are now between the ages of 14 and 25 and it scares the crap out of me. I know first hand what addiction can do to you and those around you. And I want to drill it in to them "no matter what, stay away!" I'm an auntie but act like a mom sometimes :)

And you are SO right. My hub family has been wonderful and so supportive. It truly has made a huge difference in my grieving process. Thank you so much!

Sharyn

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on February 23, 2012:

Oh Ardie ~ I'm sorry I made you cry. I know you'll understand this statement: "I *wish* it was metaphoric." But it isn't unfortunately.

I appreciate you mentioning trying to mend a lost soul. You are so right. I felt that way and I really thought it was possible. I believed there was so much hope and that is what kept me hanging in there.

I am sorry that you also understand the devastation of suicide. It is not easy to comprehend. I wish you the best. And thank you, I do find some healing by sharing my words. I appreciate you my friend!

Sharyn

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on February 23, 2012:

Hi Cindy ~ My father is also an alcoholic and so was his father. I am glad to say that neither I nor my two sisters have followed in their footsteps. So hopefully, we have stopped that trend. My sisters are not married to alcoholics or addicts either. I am sincerely happy for them, because . . .

On the other hand, I (the oldest) have tended to choose relationships with people that "need fixing." This is a painful reality, although I feel it's important to be open here to help others. I share more about "my addiction" in my article: Love Addiction~Loving Yourself Enough To Stop The Pain.

I am sorry to hear how devastating alcohol addiction has been for your family. You had mentioned the legacy that your father left ~ I can't help but think about the recent hub I wrote about What Legacy Will You Leave Behind. Your comments are exactly what I was trying to convey there, that now is the time to look at what legacy we will leave behind, and change it if so desired. Thank you so much for your comments Cindy!

Sharyn

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on February 23, 2012:

Dear Sherry (Pooh) ~ Thank you for sharing that you also have experience with addicts in your life. I know the ending here is devastating. Things certainly do not always turn out as we had hoped.

I very much appreciate your thoughtful comments. I do try to reach out to others when necessary. Time does heal some. I do feel that it is difficult for my family and friends close to me to see me still grieving at times because they had hoped that I would have gotten out of this situation a long time ago. They have been with me through this negative situation for many years, trying to get me to "see the light." They watched me suffer, lose everything, close them out at times, etc. They just want the best for me. Of course they are devastated at the end result as well, no one wished it would happen this way.

So I don't always feel comfortable sharing (although I am sure I could) what I may be feeling with them as time goes on. I think that's why I felt the need to share here and also, I hope that at least something that I have shared will help someone else in a similar situation. Thank you Pooh, I hope things are going okay for you. Big hugs,

Sharyn

Sharon Smith (author) from Northeast Ohio USA on February 23, 2012:

Dear Kelly ~ Your comment is extremely special to me. You are absolutely correct. "Addiction does not just kill the addicted. We are dragged through another kind of hell." And as you said, I certainly did learn a lot, way more than I ever wanted to or needed to.

But I feel it is important for me to say that I also had choices. As I look back now, I made some bad decisions. I wanted so bad for things to change that I stayed in the situation and in turn, neglected myself. Through the craziness, I lost everything and I mean everything, including even more of my self esteem. I am paying for it now for sure.

I realize for someone who, let's say, is dealing with their child who is an addict. It would be more difficult to "leave" that situation. In my case, I honestly stayed way too long holding on to hope. In the end, I am devastated.

You had said "I know you tried everything to help the one you loved." I did in so many ways. It is a very hard lesson to learn that know matter how much we love, no matter what desperate measures we go to so the addict gets the help they need, it is ultimately their choice alone.

Kel, of course you already know this, but I appreciate your friendship and thank you for always being there for me. Love,

Sharyn

Gina Joy Bennett on February 23, 2012:

Thank you so much for writing this hub Sharyn. It's really helpful to me because my spouse is an alcoholic. I am so sorry you had to go through this trial. You have made the 'mess' your message to help others going through the same thing.

Ruth R. Martin from Everywhere Online ~ Fingerlakes ~ Upstate New York on February 23, 2012:

I know what it's like to live with an addict. My husband is addicted to chewing tobacco and now also to alcohol. It is a self-destructive life that is hard to watch. I have learned that it is no fault of mine - even though he tries to say sometimes that I made him do something. I refuse to let him drag me down, emotionally, in the path he is taking. I am a Christian, so divorce is not an option. We pray for a miracle and for strength to survive until that miracle happens.

Deborah Brooks Langford from Brownsville,TX on February 23, 2012:

Sharyn, this is excellent hub. I am sharing on Facebook. this applies to all addictions.. alcohol.. etc.

thank you so much for sharing.

Voted way up

Debbie

kelleyward on February 23, 2012:

Most of us know or live with some kind of addict. It's so sad but seems to be on the increase. Thanks for sharing your intimate thoughts on this difficult experience. Voted up!

Susan Holland from Southwest Missouri on February 23, 2012:

Sharyn, this is so beautiful but sad. My dad was an alcoholic, and my mother loved him so much but he didn't want to help himself. One destructive thing after another. I am so sorry you had to live through a suicide of the one you loved. Votes and shared!

winbo on February 23, 2012:

very interesting written. good job!! voted up

Mark Bruno from New Jersey Shore on February 22, 2012:

OMG Sharyn, I am so sorry to hear and read this. I didn't know. Your poems are beautiful and each one really touched my heart and brought a tear to my eyes because I know what it is to be addicted. If you ever need to just talk always feel free to email me anytime. We here at HP are always here for you if you need any of us. Stay strong Sharyn and again, I am so sorry.

Mark

Sunnie Day on February 22, 2012:

Hi Sharon..from a mom who has and still has a son who has struggled with drugs this was so very comforting and good. Letting go is so hard but if one does not I learned the hard way that is makes the whole situation worse. I have let go but will never stop loving him. I still pray and believe that one day he will turn around.Sharyn you are so strong and I continue to lift you up as I know you have been through so much. I know this was not easy to share but I am so glad you did. Sending many hugs.

Thank you again for your heart.

Sunnie

Susan Zutautas from Ontario, Canada on February 22, 2012:

Although I've read all these poems before they still make me feel the same way as I did when first reading them. I know what its like to love someone with an addiction problem and I understand everything you've gone through. My heart goes out to you. What you've written here is heartbreaking. I am always here for you and do hope that over time you will heal.

Beautiful poems all of them.

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on February 22, 2012:

Beautiful work...simply beautiful! I'm glad I stopped by for this one. Love the passion...love the concern...love the empathy...thumbs up all the way!

Joseph De Cross from New York on February 22, 2012:

Getting to know better Sharyn today... The poetry is at times riveting and can take us next to you and your struggle. Addicction is a big problem in this Country, and have touched some family members. Education and prevention should help our young generation in order to take heed and be ready to confront it. Thanks and like Kelly and Poohgranma said, your healing and thoughts are shared with your friends in here.

LORD

Sondra from Neverland on February 22, 2012:

Now I sit here and cry like a fool. I followed your story from the beginning to the end and now I realize it was all true. I want to hug you and tell you your heart did all it could to mend a lost soul. As one who has been where you are (but more time has gone by) I like to believe those who couldn't clearly see the way are cured and waiting up above for those of us who were left behind. I hope you found healing in sharing your words.

Cindy Murdoch from Texas on February 22, 2012:

Wow! I am so sorry that you have had to go through this. My father was an alcoholic and he continued to drink until his death from lung cancer - he smoked also. His addiction caused his family much pain and suffering ... he left a legacy for his children - two of them are also alcoholics. It is all so sad.

Poohgranma from On the edge on February 22, 2012:

I was prepared to recount my experiences with three addicts in my life ... until I read the ending. That stopped me short. I did not know or suspect that this tragedy would be the end result of all of your effort for him and then for yourself. This throws a whole new slant into the dynamics of what you have lived through. I have always admired you, but I am in awe of your strength, now, more than ever. Please continue to reach out to others as you heal. It is so very important.

Kelly Umphenour from St. Louis, MO on February 22, 2012:

Voted up and everything but funny. Addiction does not just kill the addicted. For anyone who loves and cares about that person - we are dragged through another kind of hell. It is too bad that all the hope we have for their recovery is not strong enough to save them. And an addict can not run from themselves.

I am so sorry Sharyn you learned so much about these things and I am deeply sorry for your loss. You are a good woman and I know you tried everything to help the one you loved.