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Just lately


Lately I just don't know what I want or who I wanna be.. Everything's just off....
.. I tend to think of things a couple years back, and I can't figure how quick things happened.... Back then I just didn't care, didn't take things seriously( but I should have or else I wouldn't be hear reflecting back on it) ... I just let life take me where it willed.
... I wish I could go back to those days...
lately i just find myself questioning things I don't even believe in at all. " what if ghosts really exist.. They don't exist.... But what if they do? " I think.... They don't exist, makes more sense.... Doesn't it?.

Lately, I just can't get some people out of my head... That's why i tend to like the dark more so nobody can see me.. ( am an open book they say) .. And some I really did mess up , like really bad , I can't even try getting them back because even to me that doesn't seem fare...
Nothing really makes sense anymore, not to me, but I try to pretend it does for the sake for the public. To be sane .

Lately I just seem happier in the dark, because I tend to be more free. The place not even the ghosts can judge me when I cry ...
.. Lately I just feel like am losing it...
.... Lately I just feel like i need a trip away from myself....

© 2020 Amani Utembu


Amani Utembu (author) from Nairobi -Kenya on October 19, 2020:

Thank you Ivana... Am glad you enjoyed this one.

Amani Utembu (author) from Nairobi -Kenya on October 19, 2020:

Thank you Brenda... I will try my best

Ivana Divac from Serbia on October 19, 2020:

This is truly amazing. It's very well-written, but most of all honest. It takes a lot of courage to admit that something inside you feels off. I especially love the "lately I just seem happier in the dark, because I tend to be more free" part. Such raw emotion.

You described feelings we all must face from time to time. There's only one fact we all must remember in such moments: things will get better eventually.

BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on October 19, 2020:


This is an excellent expression of feelings. You did a great job.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

One might believe they have messed things up too much to even think of getting back together with someone, but don't you be the judge of that.

One never knows what life has in store for him.

He just has to pick up the pieces and walk forward. One baby step at a time.

I have faith that you will get there & life is going to be amazing!

Smile & enjoy the journey my friend.

Take care.

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