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Just lately

just-lately

Lately I just don't know what I want or who I wanna be.. Everything's just off....
.. I tend to think of things a couple years back, and I can't figure how quick things happened.... Back then I just didn't care, didn't take things seriously( but I should have or else I wouldn't be hear reflecting back on it) ... I just let life take me where it willed.
... I wish I could go back to those days...
...
lately i just find myself questioning things I don't even believe in at all. " what if ghosts really exist.. They don't exist.... But what if they do? " I think.... They don't exist, makes more sense.... Doesn't it?.

Lately, I just can't get some people out of my head... That's why i tend to like the dark more so nobody can see me.. ( am an open book they say) .. And some I really did mess up , like really bad , I can't even try getting them back because even to me that doesn't seem fare...
...
Nothing really makes sense anymore, not to me, but I try to pretend it does for the sake for the public. To be sane .

Lately I just seem happier in the dark, because I tend to be more free. The place not even the ghosts can judge me when I cry ...
.. Lately I just feel like am losing it...
.... Lately I just feel like i need a trip away from myself....

© 2020 Amani Utembu

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