Normal and Formal

Updated on February 4, 2018


Your smile has permanently etched in to my heart
Although I fight to forget and keep me from falling apart
I feel that no one can beat the beauty of your smile
And seeing you smile, in my heart brings a peaceful smile.

Holding in all the words I would like to say
On my own all the words I'm afraid to say
Even though I'm invisible how I wish only you could hear
Maybe show a thumbs up and with a smile you would cheer.


You saw me when I was invisible to others
Now you pretend as if I'm invisible when I'm visible to others
I don't know how to make things go back to normal
To the days where we were not out of track and very formal.

Since I don't have your strong shoulder to lean onto
When I'm emotionally tired I get a pillar to keep my head onto
As I don't get to feel your warmth
Father God wraps my heart with His heavenly warmth.


At first I was thrilled knowing that I'm not liked by you
It made me feel very safe, secure, happy and free of you
But now I don't understand why I feel so sad without you
And will you be my very own family? is what I want to ask you.

Whenever I don't see or hear your voice
I begin to miss you though I know it's very unwise
It seems you have not only stolen my heart but mind as well
I'm immersed in this fascinating pursuit that I don't even understand myself


I thought as the saying goes 'Out of sight means out of mind'
Even If you're out of sight, daily you run through out my mind
As if to say that you're too special and unforgettable
To keep you out of my dreams is even like a fable.

Oh wait! How can I be so naive and so stupid?
You don't like me because I'm not good enough and stupid
In other words, exactly the opposite of my character
Although she's even younger than I, sadly you like my sister better.


How I wish I could erase the memories of how I feel
Maybe then this emotional torture might begin to heal
Running away didn't work so as a solution I tried facing you
To be true to myself by extracting out of my system the thoughts of you.

I'm terrified of having special thoughts and feelings about anyone
This is why I keep avoiding to the best of my ability limiting with anyone
I don't know how to handle guy matters that are so upsetting
The thoughts of never being good enough is so depressing.


Maybe that's why I'm over the moon feeling so safe, secure and happy
Whenever someone isn't interested or doesn't like me
Otherwise a person will try to change me into someone I'm not
Which is so depressing, it's a battle to breathe freely and what not.

I don't know why I have to go through the same experience again and again
I don't know how to stop from being addicted into obsession
I don't know how to make things go back to normal
I don't know how to think of you and treat you formal.

© 2018 rdsparrowriter


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