In and Out of Hope
My house of cards is about to fall.
On this tightrope juggling the balls,
I find myself wishing I could hope
for something more than a piece of rope.
Where are the dreams I knew so well?
Why is this life going to hell?
When will it end, when will it end,
when will peace find me again?
I’m lost right now, black inside.
Wishing I could just take a ride
away from everything that holds me here,
away from pain and tears and fear.
I know I can’t, I must stand tall,
even with my back against that wall.
Hold my head up and hope.
Get it together, start to cope
with all the disappointment I feel.
I need to find a way to heal.
I don’t know how this funk came on.
Were all my hopes just a con,
to fool me from this ugly life,
to take from me and leave me strife.
Where did the light go, why can’t I see
all the things that make me me?
Optimism, love and hope
my usual methods to cope
have turned away and left me dark.
Could all my hope be just a lark?
Where is the love that holds me strong?
When did this happen, what went wrong?
How do I find what I have lost?
I need it now at any cost.
Why do I feel alone and cold.
How do I find happy and bold?
The way I was, just last week
before I started to feel so bleak,
when I was tall and bold and strong.
Where did it go, what went wrong?
I am not one to dwell on bad.
The way I am makes me mad.
I need to get back to myself.
Where, oh where, can I find help?
Good Lord look down on me and see,
everything I should not be.
Lift me up out of this well.
Let me listen as the bell
peals bright and clean in my soul.
Lift me, lift me from this hole,
Out of blackness into light.
I need to see what is right.
To be what I should be,
to do that which is me.
For my kids, myself and for you
I need to hold my dreams true.
I can do this with your aid,
stand up and once again be staid.
Lift up my chin, open my eyes,
shut my mouth, end these sighs.
Square my shoulders and begin again,
and realize now is not the end.
Today is the beginning of a whole new year
I will love again and cast off my fear.
With your help I will stand.
Thank you that you lent a hand,
and pulled me up when I was down,
made me smile instead of frown.
I will walk this walk of life some more,
and remember values from day of yore.
Values that will always last.
Beacons that saved me in the past.
Optimism, love and hope
will always teach me how to cope.
And so these three with me will stay
the beacons that will guide my way.
© 2020 Kari Poulsen