A Poem about My Visions

Updated on July 11, 2018

I'm Seeing Things

I see lots of things,
what result this will bring?
hallucinations, visions, I don't know,
not all come and go.

See horses heads,
see them when in bed,
see people I am meeting,
visions are always fleeting.

See many tree trunks,
I see lots of stumps,
burning in the dark,
witches in the park.

Bits of women,
hats on men,
bird, dog, and cow,
I see these things how?

A swirl of shapes and spots,
brunettes I see a lot,
I've even seen a locust,
all respond to focus.

About my Visions

When I lost my mind in 1984 a bright blue spot appeared in my central vision. This spot developed into a swirl of coloured shapes and spots, with many hard dark spots that looked like bugs. I realized that when I focused on these shapes and spots they would react, sometimes a spot would jump out into my peripheral vision, it would glow for a few moments then disappear. The shapes and spots are always moving, changing and vanishing, to be replaced by new shapes and spots. I spent a lot of time meditating on the "bugs" making the vanish by focusing on them. This went on for some time, then the spots appeared to take on the shape of the back of brunettes heads. Shortly after this began I could clearly make out women's heads, all brunettes. After a while the images of women grew to take up most of the spot, I could clearly see their faces and chests. Then I started seeing stone buildings, many pyramids, in the lower right of the spot. Soon after I began seeing horses heads in the top left of the spot, by focusing on them I could see them move out so I could see more than just their heads. I've seen other images of various animals, structures, and people, but not often. I spent many long idle days and nights focusing on these images hoping it would lead to something. These days I don't see the horses or buildings in the spot anymore, the ever-present brunettes have shrunk back to their former tiny size, but I still see lots of them, many at a time.

My peripheral vision is fuzzy, like snow on an old black and white T.V, this snow is constantly forming into shapes. Sometimes when I focus on these shapes they form images, I used to see bits of trees, now I see bits of women mostly bosoms and thighs. Occasionally a woman's face will appear on the left side as if they've been pushed into my field of vision, their faces will glow for a few moments then vanish.

I also often see full-scale clear visions, they began mostly as cartoons then developed into realistic images. The first vision I saw was of a small tree shaking in the wind, it was beautiful. While I viewed it I had a profound feeling, as if something important was happening, the visions still give me that feeling today. The cartoons made no sense, but the realistic visions follow my thoughts sometimes, mostly I see people, strangers 'though I sometimes see people I recognize.

These visions may well be a result of my mental illness, but I believe they have meaning. They certainly give me something to do whenever I'm idle, I meditate on them a lot, 'though reading is difficult.

About the Author

I was born in Melbourne Australia on March 4th, 1957. My mother worked in a pie van at Victoria market. My father drank. My brother, sister and I used to take time off school, go to the museum, botanical gardens or sneak into the zoo. When I was 9 we moved to a country town not far from the city. I enjoyed roaming around the paddocks. I didn't do well at school, my lack of concentration made studying difficult, I dropped out to pursue a career in retail. I managed an aquarium successfully. In 1985 I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, later with paranoid schizophrenia, with this came heavy cannabis use. I was in and out of hospitals for a long time. New medications have made me stable, I haven't been hospitalized since 2000. Psychosis radicalized my thinking, I realized I could make something out of the darkness. That was the beginning of my paranormal journey.

© 2018 JAMES

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