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Apologies

I am not sorry
But I apologize for my inability to love
I am not sorry
But I am trying so hard to find ways to tell you, it’s not you.
I am not sorry
But I can’t stop thinking about how I might have hurt you
Have I?

You see, I’m a coward
I should have called you long time ago
This is something I should have mustered the courage to tell you.
But I can’t
It’s the words
I can’t make them up enough to express my feelings
I can’t build them up enough for them to cascade like a waterfall
Beautiful
Peaceful
Soothing

I am bad at this
Apologizing
Expressing my feelings
It’s something I have never really worked on
I feel so bad
Sooo bad
But I know there is nothing I’ll do about that
And that’s the saddest part

I apologize for not being sorry
I apologize for being a coward
I apologize for my heart that refuses to love
I apologize that I may never say these words to your face
I apologize that you may never read this
So you will keep wondering
“Did I do something wrong?”
“Was it me”?

I am not sorry
But I apologize

© 2022 Akosua Ago Mansa