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I Hurt When I Look at You: A Poem About Mother and Daughter


It hurts when I look at you

You chin raised so high

So full of self-virtue

You don’t hear my cry


Your eyes full of judgement

As you survey around

Your lips spill your disappointment

As my confidence you pound


Your words so critical

Delivered with a smile

Your opinion of me brutal

Your own child you revile


For years I have tried

To earn more than your love

Needing your friendship, respect and pride

And receiving none of the above


Locked together by blood

Our family ties tight

What should be ours sacred

Has been killed by the never-ending fight



So please believe me when I say

That our time has reached its end

I never meant for it to be this way

But my life I’m no longer willing to defend


I miss what we could have had

But it was only a dream

I like my life good or bad

And no longer look to gain your esteem


It hurts when you look at me

Wanting to be close

And knowing we never will be

Not mother and daughter… now only foes


Amy Winn on February 06, 2020:

This poem hit a nerve. Such familiar feelings.

I found this poem some time back and tweaked it to use as my good-bye.....


Cloudy gray sky, silent tears and rain

Glad to be leaving years and years of pain

Sorrow rises up but my wings are spread wide

Leaving my past; good riddance, good-bye

Fifty three years of your guilt and your games

Finally, freedom from your put downs and blame

Relief rises up, wings spreading, flying far

Leaving you; taking back my shattered heart

Rising into sunshine; finally breaking free

Taking deep, clean breaths; it’s okay to be me

Your sick games and lies will haunt me no more

Left your shackles behind, walked out your door

I’m free, I’m done…at last, I’m forever through

Hearing the questions: “What’s wrong with you?”

And “Why can’t you ever do anything right?”

Too many tears cried into pillows at night

To stay sane and relevant in spite of you

Kept running away; years of fighting for truth

Your narcissistic insanity ruled all my thoughts

Seems all I am to you…is everything I’m not

I never lived up to your expectations or dreams

There simply was no way I could please the queen

I was your punching bag; a scapegoat to abuse

I know now that who you really hate…is you

God gave me pity for you, showed me the truth

To feel good you have to crush those around you

You have to elevate yourself because you’re weak

But I’m disgusted with you and the havoc you wreak

Nothing will ever satisfy the monster inside you

I’m SO over your drama and trauma; yes, I am through

I’m done being your source of narcissistic supply

It’s over, I’m gone; good riddance, good-bye.

Alicia on March 07, 2019:

This was my last text to her... then I sent her this poem as closure.

I'm not ready to deal with you... don't know if I ever will. I've had a lot of realizations since we last text. One of the things I've personally come to realize is that I'm an unspoken orphan. When I came to that realization my world came crashing down... hard.... really hard. I am so sick of all the judgement (since meeting and marrying Jon) that We, Jon n I have endured from you n now your new husband that I just don't really see you as family. You have missed out on so much of our life that why does it matter if we talk. You don't know what LOVE is because if you did you would have never judged the relationship between Jon and I. If you can't admit that to yourself to try to begin to understand where we are coming from then how can you ever expect any type of communication between us. You are the one who never changed. And you know what... I know you never will

Alicia on March 07, 2019:

I love this poem. It really spoke to what my family n I have been dealing with for the last 20 years... her judgment.

J Beadle from Wisconsin on November 09, 2018:

A sad and thought provoking poem - so true for so many. Luckily, not within my direct experience but I can relate through the lives and stories of a few friends and in-laws. Sometimes the only solution is distance as stated in your poem.

Yan on July 30, 2018:

This poem really explain what I really feel rn. Hey Author? I'll use this one in my spoken poetry. ... Idk if you will be able to read this but thank you

Janie from Texas on April 09, 2018:

You've just described my feelings towards my narcissistic sociopathic dead mom. Even after her death, she still found a way to hurt me and she literally made me sick. Thankfully, through the help of my Lord and Saviour, she is no longer in my house and she is no longer able to make me ill. This is a very powerful poem!!

Laura Tallo on September 10, 2017:

This explains my relationship with my father! I can so relate!

Thank you for sharing a very raw part of yourself.

LovelyShadeOfPain on December 17, 2016:

This explains my relationship with my mother so perfectly. I'm sorry you had to go through this but you've obviously been able to get through it, I'm glad for not all of us can. Believe it or not this is something that I was needing and I'm so glad that I had the opportunity to find this. It's helped me see that I'm not the only one and that people can get through it. Well I hope it goes better for you and that your a lot happier. I also hope you don't mind me sharing this so that other people have the opportunity of seeing this. It means a lot to people even if you don't realize how much. Please let me know if you mind, if you don't I'll make sure to just put the link so they can look it up when they feel the need. Thank you and have a great day.

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on January 27, 2015:

I am so glad that reading has helped you find some peace. It took me a longtime to be able to find the strength to step away from the toxic relationship I had with my mother. It was the best choice I ever made

I wish you luck with your own personal journey

k-med on December 11, 2014:

I'm finding this poem late in its posting and late in my life. At 42, I'm at the point now that it's time to write off the relationship. Judgement and religion steeped in mental illness has reached its peak. I believe all children crave the approval of their parents. If I haven't received it by this age, I need to cut my losses. Her opinions have consumed a big part of my life, and as I've grown and found my own belief system, I realize that not only are there different and perfectly acceptable ways of thinking, but that I am actually a good person. She thanked my new husband (14 years ago) and warned him that he didn't know what he was getting into... all in jest or so it seemed. I turned out to be a good wife, hard worker, and giving citizen. I can't help but to think that freedom from the toxic relationship that is my mother will only improve my life. Thank you for your raw honesty.

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on March 16, 2014:


my relationship with my mother is a painful one, but things have improved since I started putting up boundaries and took some much needed time away. I do feel for any who can relate to this poem as having such a fractured relationship with your mother brings a pain that not many can understand.

I wish you well and I hope that you can find some peace

koshi on March 03, 2014:

This brings tears to my eyes. It's very heartbreaking. I can relate, thank you for this poem full of truth and understanding

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on February 12, 2014:


has time has passed my understanding of my mother has grown. I find it very hard to understand all her negativity about my life but I am able to deal with it in a better (distanced) way now.

I am very sorry to hear about the pain that existed between your own mother and yourself. I'm sure she appreciates your understanding now and the fact that you have her poems dark and light must be a very interesting window into her soul. if you ever find yourself able to share her work you may find it a healing experience to not only share her work but also yours intermingled with hers. a book of her demons and your pain trying to find her... may help so many others that have had to live with similar troubles

I wish you nothing but the best going forward and I truly hope you find the healing balm you are looking for

Shyron E Shenko from Texas on February 06, 2014:

Nighthag, I felt the sadness, and could not help but cry. I can relate. But I learned that my mom had her own demons, and I hope she conquered them. I know he last poems were very dark. I had thought of publishing them in a book, but have not found the strength to do so. Maybe her funny ones from a few years before she passed away.

Thank you for sharing your story.

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on September 01, 2013:

Howie watts

Thank you so much for your very kind words, it has been a long journey with a lot of twists and turns but one that I'm so glad I started as I feel it has helped bring some peace to my family and even with my mother who I almost lost last year in car accident,

I know I will never have the relationship that I crave with her, I am now working on accepting her for she is, flaws and all

Thank you so much for your thoughtful, sharing comment, I am always touched to have someone understand

Howie Watts on August 29, 2013:

Thankfully, I can not relate to the broken relationship you and your mother have, as many who have responded here can. I can not share the same pain you feel. I was blessed to have a wonderful loving mother who always believed in me and inspired and praised me. I miss her now, and my heart longs to have her back, as she passed away last November. While I can not relate to your story or your pain...I can feel your hurt and pain through the words that you share in your poem. I am sure that it had to be somewhat painful yet therapeutic to share these feelings in a poem. You poured them out there and made them real to so many. Thankfully, it sounds like that you have broken the chain of hurt, and are the blessing to your family that you longed to have but could not find. Thanks for sharing and reminding me how blessed I am and have been. Peace and joy to you moving forward :-)

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on July 18, 2013:

I have often found that through words our most powerful emotions and fears can somewhat be released,

I'm glad this touched your heart, thank you for the visit

Anupama from Nepal on July 09, 2013:

painful turmoils of emotions between mother and daughter...

Love your way of pouring feelings through words :)

simply love it....

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on June 16, 2013:

It hurt a lot to write this, but its brought some much freedom to finally release these emotions and to put into words what I needed to do, to make my future a happier one. thanks for taking the time to read :)

Aisha Jilani from Lahore on June 14, 2013:

Deep words, it actually did bring tears in my eyes !! Very nice

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on June 12, 2013:


It was a hard decision to share it I have to admit, but Ive gain more comfort from the many thoughtful comments like yours that have been left.

thank you so much I am glad that it touched your heart

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on June 12, 2013:


having a very difficult relationship with my mother is painful but I still have hope that one day we will reach a true understanding, I am so very sorry to hear of your loss....

Randi Benlulu from Mesa, AZ on May 31, 2013:

Wow, how powerful and how sad. What a beautifulpoem and such a sad reason to have to write it. Thank you so much for sharing this...

Lakshmi Murukesh from Kollam on May 31, 2013:

Life without a mother is painful, I know, and it is even more painful when you have one who doesn't understand you.

Lovely poem. Hope life brings to the wonderful moments you missed with your mother. You can still hope, but I can't.

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on February 12, 2013:

wayne barret

it was and is a sad situation to be in, but you are so right in that we have to be true to ourselves about what in want in our lives and who the best people are to have close, but finding the courage to make the change can sometimes seem overwhealming

thanks for taking the time to read I really do appreaciate it

Wayne Barrett from Clearwater Florida on February 12, 2013:

Oh, my. So sad, but beautifully written. I can truly truly relate and can feel your sorrow. Be strong. "to thine own self be true".

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on January 08, 2013:

I am so glad that this may have inspired you to rework on things with you mother, for the loss of that relationship is a scar that never heals, and your right once they are gone there is no more room for working on forgiveness

Alyx Kemp from Herkimer, NY on January 01, 2013:

this is very deep. it made me look back on my relationship with my mother and realize that our relationship really is not all that bad. And I should stop blaming her for the past and move on before I lose her for good.

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on December 12, 2012:


That's a very nice compliment that this brought Cat Stephens to your mind, one of my favourite song writers ever

This poem came from my heart and I have been very touched that is has resonated with others

Thank you so much

Dan Barfield from Gloucestershire, England, UK on December 12, 2012:

Wow! What a touching poem - very heartfelt. It put me in mind of that Cat Stephens song, 'father and Son'. This is an old, old story played out time and again all over the world. Alot of people will relate to this - and seeing from the comments more than a few have already. Peace.

Aisha Jilani from Lahore on October 18, 2012:

beautifully written poem an emotional one indeed :) keep it up... voted up

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on September 12, 2012:

its stil a heart ache I carry with me, but the freedom from stepping away was worth the pain of making the choice to leave her behind.

thank you so much for your kind words it means a lot

Suzie from Carson City on September 11, 2012:

nighthag..... How very sad for the woman who birthed you, but had no idea how to mother with love and gentleness. The years she wasted and threw away that could have been so wonderful and gratifying.....she lost all the precious moments of pride and happiness a child brings....for her choice to be bitter and angry, heartless and cruel.

The real pain is hers. The true regret and remorse belongs only to her....and while ignorance surrounds her, it can never ever comfort her...nor give back what she turned away. .......Up +++

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on June 09, 2012:

One of the huge blessing I have gotten from sharing this poem is the overwhelming response from others like yourself.

Knowing that we are not alone in having such a painful relationship with our mothers

Gave me a sense of acceptance and ease of mind that it is as she says not all my fault

I'm so glad that you got something from this

Thank you

Christina on May 31, 2012:

i know EXACTLY how you feel. I keep reading this over and over and over... and its describing my relationship with my mother to a T. Thanks for making me feel like I'm not alone...

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on May 15, 2012:

I have to admit the most rewarding thing about writing this poem was discovering I was not the only one to have a relationship like this with my mother

I am as always sorry to hear of your heart ache and can only wish you peace and happiness as you move forward

Deborah Annette Lang on May 12, 2012:

it amazes me reading this, its like the words were taken out of my head, for all these years i have tried to make my mother proud, but all she wanted to do was put me down, she would put me down about every aspect of me. i finally gave up and seemed like the only option was to shut her out of my life. and that poem described it all.

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on April 24, 2012:

There is nothing more heartbreaking to a child than the feeling of being inadequate, being rejected by a parent can be devasting to a child and rejection always stays with us, tainting every reltionship we enter as we try and meet everyones (not just our parents) expectations.

I am so sorry that your mother dosnt see the beautiful gift she has in a daughter that is as loyal as you, and sadly it is often best to step away.

Giving yourself the freedom to love and be loved by others. I wish you nothing but the best...

heartbroken on April 08, 2012:

my mother has four kids and growing up as a child i always heard my mother tell my sister and brothers she loved them and never told me, and if that wasn't bad enough she never gave me a hug or a kiss, and out of all her kids she lived with me in every almost every apartment i had, when she was in rehab i supported her and sent her what she needed, and she would say my brother bought it for her, she refuses to admit that i did everything for her, and i dont get no love for it and im just so done with her, i cant even get a simple i love you or a hug, i thinks she is jealous of the fact that i did better than her at a young age with my kids than what she has done for me, all growing up i felt like that wasn't my real mother and that i had to be adopted, but your poem really touched me because thats my situationnow and i haven't spoken to my mother in more than a year and i feel free of her. god bless

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on February 25, 2012:

It is a tragic thing, when the ones who love us the most hurt us the most. I am so sorry to hear of your pain...

I can only hope that your choice gives you some space to heal the hurts and helps you find a new way to view yourself without negativity

Wishing you all the best as you move forward with only your own expectations

Mama4 on February 24, 2012:

My mother and I had what will be our last fight....her words have cut me for the last time...I am a mother and could never do or say some of the things she said to me tonight...I found this poem and it speaks so loudly to me....I sent it to her...as my final farewell. Thank you for sharing your amazing talent.

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on January 20, 2012:

Sometimes stepping away from a toxic hurtful relationship can be the best option, It saddens me to hear that you have gone through similar pain and I wish you more than luck

Ashley on January 16, 2012:

This is like my relationship with my mom so i understand. This poem is my inspiration to leave. Thank you for writing what I could have never done

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on November 13, 2011:

It hurts to lose a parent be it death or estrangement ...

I can only hope that you are stronger for your decision and that you and your family are happy

Christina on November 06, 2011:

I know these words are very true for I to have been through this and no longer see or talk to my mother and it has torn our family apart. But I have my own life now that I am very proud of and an absolutely wonderful son who she will never get to know.

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on February 21, 2011:

To live in in her judgement was hard, breaking away has been painful, and trying to break the cycle of criticism and judgement is a never ending aim.

thank you so much for you very thoughtful and gentle comment I appreciate it all very much

tnderhrt23 on February 20, 2011:

nighthag, this song is too familiar...the long-term effects of such harsh judgment from one's parents live on, long after one leaves, along with the pain...affecting all of one's relationships, especially the all-important relationship with one's self. Where my parents were concerned, they passed on what they were given, initially...which is sad...the best thing we can do is break the generational pattern...which is exactly what I tried to do and I hear you doing...Our sense of "self-worth" is developed by our parents, starting at birth, and carrying on throughout our childhood...pain begets pain is how it seems to go, unless someone in the chain breaks those bonds. Powerful, healing poem here...I suspect you are a far better mother than your own, as a result of your pain...blessings to you, my friend!

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on January 18, 2011:

lol, I can understand why you may not find my beauty hubs so fascinating :)

my mother and I have always had a hard relationship, but it does inspire me to do my best to be a better parent to my children, to be more supportive of their individuality and needs.

Thank you for taking the time to have a read of this, as always i appreciate your thoughtful comments and wish you the Very best with your Fiancé and family plans:)

Doug Turner Jr. on January 18, 2011:

Well I have little interest in beautification products, so I went searching your catalogue for poems. You understand, I'm sure.

This one carries your hallmark darkness (which I enjoy immensely), but also conveys a sense of sadness and regret over the situation with your own mother. I'm sorry it turned out this way. It makes me appreciate my family and makes me want to do right by my own children someday (soon, if the fiancé gets her way!). Great writing as always. Keep healing those wounds through your hubs!

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on November 16, 2010:

having never had the relationship with my mother that i always wanted, I have spent all my life chasing it. so as much as it hurts to finally realise that i will never have a relationship with her. it has also been a relief, a growing awareness that all this time it wasn't me that was broken, but her. taking my own actions into account and choosing to step away from such a destructive relationship has been hard but worthwhile...

Thank you for your kind heartfelt words the understanding I have received from other since posting this has gone a long way to helping me accept and move on...thank you

Linda Rogers from Minnesota on November 16, 2010:

Your words are so raw and riveting. I am sorry that you don't have what you need and deserve from your mother. I can't imagine how hard it must be to have to accept that you can't get the love a mother should want to give. I do hope you are well without her.

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on November 11, 2010:

sharing pain is so important, to have one person's understanding of what your going through can be a light in the dark.

I am soo glad to hear that you have found a place here, a place to share what your going through and maybe help someone else in the process..

Hugs to you

screwevery1 on November 11, 2010:

Ya when i read it i thought i was husband and wife as well. Very disheartening to hear stuff like that. My heart goes out to you nighthag.....

I do agree that sharing pain does help the healing process.... was sucidal before this site took my dark cloud away....

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on November 08, 2010:

Thank you so much for taking the time to visit, It is sad that this poem comes from personal experience but sharing our pain is one of the first steps of healing...

Youngcurves19 from Hawaii on November 07, 2010:

that's so terribly sad! i thought it was husband and wife but mother and daughter? that's tragic....i dont know if this is a poem from experience or just from your mind but it was very well written Great job

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on November 07, 2010:

Sa'ge thanks so much, looking at it from this angle makes it easier to believe that despite it all she loves me, in time perhaps I will be ready to reach out to her again.

Thanks so much for your love and support it means so much ...

Sa`ge from Barefoot Island on November 06, 2010:

:D just remember, we care for the sick! Feel and know that it is an illness and not her, love her unconditionally over and above the illness. Makes it a bit easier to heal yourself. You do not need to heal her, but you can heal and do need to heal your self. :D love you girl :D hugs :D aloha :D

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on November 04, 2010:

This is great advice, Hard advice but good.

I don't want to fuel the bitterness between us anymore than it is, but is so hard to shake off All the hurt and upsets, Accepting who she is has been hard enough, but your right if i can love her unconditional then i am only healing myself....

thank you so much for your care, and wonderful insightful words it has given me a lot to think about...


Sa`ge from Barefoot Island on November 03, 2010:


some people know not what they do. Since you recognize the issue then you can replace the pain with love (unconditional love) You do not need to be around her, just to feel that love in your heart. Speak of her with love, think of her with love, replace the bad thoughts with the few good ones there were, how ever few they may be, when someone is ill, we feel for them and want to care for them with love in our hearts, Your mother is ill, even if you do not go to see her, your love that you traded with the pain will touch her unseen. that's the magic of unconditional love. Take her in love to your prayers, in time you will not fell the pain but you will have become a most wonderful gorgeous person full of unconditional love for all. Your mother is your test for learning unconditional love. :D hugs :D

one more thing ... remember you are the example to your own children and others around you :D I know you are so full of unconditional love just waiting to burst out! :D more hugs :D

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on November 03, 2010:

I am glad you liked it despite your expectations, thank you so much :)

EmpressImani from SE London, England on November 03, 2010:

Going by the title alone, I had expected something completely different and at the end I just said 'wow'

Thank you for sharing something so deep, Bless.

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on November 01, 2010:

Thank you so much for your empathy and hugs!!

losing my dream of my mother was harder than losing the reality of who she is...

thank heaps for the heartfelt words

lisadpreston from Columbus, Ohio on November 01, 2010:

Talk about making one cry. My goodness. That dreaded lump is in my throat again. This is pwerful and it kills my soul to see people in pain. Especially family pain. Sending you a big warm hug!

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on October 30, 2010:

there are many years let for both of us, if she is ever able to be honest with herself, let alone me I will be there .

I love my mother and I miss her. but at this time in my life i have to pull away ...its healthier for the both of us..

its always a pleasure to have you visit, thanks for your encouragement

William Benner from Savannah GA. on October 30, 2010:

My dear Nighthag, what a toughing poem! Know this though, it can still turn around! Life is to short to stay a foe of your own daught. I know that you must have done every thing in your power to make the relatonship work and now the ball is in her court!

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on October 29, 2010:


its great having others know where i am coming from, their empathy and understanding is soothing somewhat, to know that i am not the only one who has walked these hard paths helps me to reconnect and not feel so alienated.

So Glad to have you as fan :)


I am sorry for you loss, Forgiving our parents for their mistakes and sometimes who they are is the best thing we can do for ourselves.

freeing ourselves up for healthy relationships with our own children and partners...

thanks so much for stopping by

The Rev. Kelechi Timothy Francis from Rivers State, Nigeria on October 29, 2010:

Nighthag, I can relate with your pain. It's like losing someone who is still alive. Mum died when I thought I could have enough time to share with her and it took me a while to forgive her 'cos she had made so many promises that she didn't live to keep. Take care.

AmyTaylor on October 29, 2010:

Couldn't have said it better myself. I have read a few of your writings (so far)and it seems as though our lives are/have been very similar. It's nice to know your not the only one you know? Keep up the writing, your great!

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on October 28, 2010:


thanks for your understanding and empathy, it has been a hard road to walk, Realising that I will never measure up or make her proud despite what i do was heartbreaking

thanks also for your prayers and friendship both mean a lot to me...

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on October 28, 2010:


writing is a form of therapy for me, always has been :)

sharing this pain, has been a good experience for me, as the support and generous comments that i have received has gone along way to reinforce my own hope for the future...thank you so much for stopping by, I am honoured that you got something from this piece...

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on October 28, 2010:

Dream on,

Since letting go of her expectations and finding the courage to follow my own dreams (silly as they may be)I have allowed myself to breath and for the first time in a long time stop judging myself

a lot of my new peace has come from the comments here on this page. having understanding on just how i feel, has been a blessing i could never have imagined when i first wrote this poem.

your words and others have brought more than a little cheer, it has been a balm to a sore confused heart...

thank you very much

DjBryle from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) on October 28, 2010:

I can feel your emotions with this poetry, it touched my soul and I could just imagine feeling unloved and unappreciated by a person who should have loved and appreciated you for who you are. I wish you well, and my prayers are with you. I'll just be HP away my friend! take care!

jca197493@yahoo.c on October 28, 2010:

I have read this over and over. I thankyou for sharing this. Writing is a great way to rid yourself of pain. I believe you are taking the first steps to do this.I wish you much peace and love. As you can see, your writing touches many...

DREAM ON on October 28, 2010:

I came back to reread and share your thoughts and emotions.I think we have to have confidence in who we are and believe that we have tried our best to make things work.Certain outcomes we cannot be responsible for.We have to move on and find other loves that overwhelm you and help you through your hard times.Love should always be given freely.In time maybe you will understand why things went wrong and understand maybe some people have many issues they have to deal with .Until you love yourself you can hardly love someone else.Hoping a friendly voice will bring a little extra cheer.

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on October 27, 2010:

it can be hard to understand a relationship that goes this way. even harder when your in the thick of it.

the pain of the communication breaking down is felt on both sides I am sure. but without honest, open communication it can never be rebuilt.

it hurts and I wish it wasn't this way, I can only offer my sympathy and understanding to others going through this in their own families...

thank you...

George J Hardy from Southern New Jersey on October 26, 2010:

I can relate to your touching poem as I have a wife with daughter issues that never seems to get resolved. I often wonder if people fester in emotional pain for the pleasure of it rather than an avoidance of the truth. My guess is that there are some hidden issues at work here and your written expression reveals a need for an outlet; for both of you.

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on October 25, 2010:


it has been like tearing out a part of my soul.

But I have been so touched by the comments i have received since posting this, that i cant not find comfort from yours and others words.

thank you so much for sharing your understanding with me, your words have really touched my heart. Knowing that others have walked this path, gives me hope that i am making the right choice and that i am capable of following my dreams far from her criticism.

I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to share with me, what i know is a deep hurt.

As I said, you touched my heart and helped reinforced my hope....Thank You,

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on October 25, 2010:

sofs, thank you so much for your beautiful heart felt encouragement, Closing the door on this hurtful relationship, will hopefully allow me and my family to move onto better things.

thank you again for your understanding, it means a lot..

hugs back to you and your lovely family...

Sage Williams on October 25, 2010:

Nightag - I understand first hand how hard the decision is to leave an unhealthy relationship with your mother. As, I have had to make that same decision.

It rips at your heartstrings. It goes against every grain of your being. Even as an adult, that little girl inside of you, wants nothing more than to have a loving, kind, and nurturing mother in her life.

And yet, the healthiest thing you can do for yourself is to remove yourself from the toxicity. It has been a lifetime of pain and confusion. Like me, you owe it to yourself to surround yourself with beauty, love and healthy relationships.

As hard as it is, may you find comfort in knowing that there are others out their with the same struggles.

Hugs to you,


Sophie on October 25, 2010:

Powerful words they convey pain, so raw, so hurtful..the worst thing a mother can do to her child, maiming the child forever.. I am so terribly moved to tears.. I can feel the pain with you..can I tell you no matter what, it is the past, you can make what you want of your life.. you have the power to change your future... you have the power. (((hugs))) to you!

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on October 25, 2010:

I can only applaud your dedication to your parents, it hurts when our parents are more enemies in disguise then supportive caring family members...

thank you for stopping by, i wish you much luck...

Freya Cesare from Borneo Island, Indonesia on October 25, 2010:

Hello. I heard my own story in this poem. So painful. But I keep trying my best to staying around my parents, unless for make sure, they have what they need.

Beautiful and sad. You pointed right where the place hurt the most. Well done. :)

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on October 24, 2010:

Saddlerider1, I am sorry to hear of your own pain,

as a mother myself my worst fear is to repeat the mistakes made by my mother with my children.

I agree there is nothing like the pain of losing such close family, how I wish we both could find a way to heal the hurts and make our families whole.

Thank you for the comment and the hugs :)

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on October 24, 2010:


Thank you so much for your kind words, making the choice to pull out of the painful relationship has been very hard for me, I love my mother I just wish she would try and understand our differences...

Again thank you for your understanding it means a lot to me

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on October 24, 2010:

Acaetnna, I will always mourn the loss of our relationship, but it was too damaging for me and my family to live under her constant judgements.

thank you for your empathy

saddlerider1 on October 24, 2010:

I feel your pain I have been estranged from my oldest daughter going on almost 10 years now and it hurts me badly. I also have two other younger children who I don't see as well. There is nothing more painful than not having the love of your children. peace and hugs to you.

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on October 24, 2010:

Martie, it is heartbreaking to realise that you will never reach the goal of having a healthy relationship with one of the most important people we can have in our lives.

Thank you so much for the understanding...

Sage Williams on October 24, 2010:

Nightag - So sad and filled with such deep anguish. I can relate on so many levels.

You rose above it all and have a beautiful family to call your own. As much as the losses run deep, in the end, the deepest of all losses is hers. For she will never know how beautiful you really are.

Thanks so much for sharing.


acaetnna from Guildford on October 24, 2010:

This is so,so sad Nighthag. I wonder where it all went wrong?

Martie Coetser from South Africa on October 24, 2010:

Oh this is so sad! So very sad. My heart goes out to you. You have managed to express all the sadness of a broken bond between a mother and her daughter.

K.A.E Grove (author) from Australia on October 24, 2010:

Dream on Thanks so much for visiting :)

the emotions behind this poem are very complex, but then so is my relationship with my mother.

look forward to seeing more of you and your wonderful writing :)

DREAM ON on October 24, 2010:

Very powerful words and I feel the deep emotion and always wanting but never getting.I can relate to so well.I will return again to reread and appreciate more.

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