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I Still Feed the Birds

i-still-feed-the-birds

It's crazy how I switch from being okay to not being okay in a matter of seconds.
And am not sure if its just in my head or am just over thinking it, thinking that a piece of me just went missing and that I'll never get it back.
Call me crazy, stubborn and whatever other names you have for me. You just know my weakness is letting go.
. ..
...
I keep feeding the birds, not for my sake, but to make you happy.
At times I think they actually talk to me, and I talk back ( and know I see why it seems crazy to people).
...
I feed the birds for you.
..... Never really understood why you loved doing it, I still don't.. But sometimes I feel like you are there with me, your arm on my neck before you start squeaking to that song you love but always mixing up on the lyrics.
..
Sometimes I find myself crying, because I miss those times when I'd look at you and you'd stare back and say " One day I may be a bird, crazy right? But that's the circle of life I believe, "...
.
. I thought you we're crazy, and yet here I am, feeding the birds wishing you we're right.
.
... That sing you loved, I mastered it, I listen to it at least twice a day and I can't believe you couldn't get the lyrics right...
.
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And I miss you soo bad .... So much that I can't even get the right words to explain it.
..
I miss having someone who just knew when I really needed a hug and a giant mug of coffee.
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I still feed the birds.
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I miss having someone to tell me that everything is okay. Someone telling me that am not crazy.
...
I miss having you next to me when the sun's going down with a bowl of rice in your hand screaming " am coming birds!!! ".
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.. I still feed them... Its the only thing that's keeping me sane if am being honest..
.
. I still feed them.

© 2020 Amani Utembu

Comments

Amani Utembu (author) from Nairobi -Kenya on January 12, 2020:

Thanks Brenda.. You always know whay to say.... I tend to think that we happen to lose a part ofbus at times and we cant get it back when we loose someone special

BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on January 12, 2020:

Amani,

This speaks of the loneliness one feels when he remembers a loved one who's memory touches his heart.

It is normal to feel this way.

I think a part of us becomes a part of the one we long to share our lives with...as you say, the circle of life.

Great write.

Anthony on January 11, 2020:

Nice one keep it up