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I Killed Mom


Noldren is an incoming college freshman who aspires to be a great author someday

Mother knows best

Mother knows best

In the courtroom, the judge asked me,
"In this case of murder, how do you plead?"
'you are guilty' a voice whispered behind me and I obliged.
"Guilty your honor." with a tear in my eyes, I said.
For it was an inevitable truth
An abominable crime I committed.
That lump in my throat stopped me from breathing for a while,
'til the judge asked again, "Why did you kill her?"
I didn't know.
I didn’t know, believe me.
I didn’t know that I killed mom.
Yes, I killed mom.

Life, I can say is the most precious gift
Bestowed by God from heaven, a chance for living
But everytime I remember her, in despair I am drowned.
Lullabies in your sleep are nevermore little fella.
No more mom, no more.
She had carried me on her womb for 9 months,
A child's cursed, destined to be the killer of his mother.
And as I make my very first cry as a newborn,
A soul was forsaken. It was soul for a soul
The biggest trade I did, but never intended.
I am innocent! that, i wanted to scream.
But am I innocent? It's the doubt that put me to an eternal darkness realm
Growing up with a twisted story,
Carrying the guilt of a death,
Haunted by the demons of malevolence,
Slowly crawling under my bed,
Strangling my neck, just to make me realize,
I am alive, instead of my mom.

They say, Mother knows best
But wait 'till you hear the rest
For not everyone had the chance
The chance, to be with the woman I wished to be my first dance.
But hey, I have forgotten, I'm continuously dancing.
Dancing on the edge of a cliff, contemplating
Why did her blood needed to stain my body?
Why did her life needed to fall on my tiny and innocent hands?
Why didn't she hang to life?
Why did she have to leave?
And why did she have to make me live a living hell and miserable life.
Where the raging fire of guilt, sorrow, agony, jealousy of a real family, and the creepiest of all adjectives I'd forever hate, LONELINESS, they had been chasing me all life long
And that made me think, is my life still worthy to prolong.

Amidst the darkness, light will shine
Resentment is lifetime, but hope is mine
And a promise I shall keep
To the person who'll forever be asleep
To the woman who shattered my heart
But also gave me the life I will treasure.
To keep in mind, I'm also a victim,
Of the evils that Pandora let loose.
But the greatest evil of all still residing
Roaming the world endlessly,
Masked as the saviour, flying freely.
It was hope
Hope, that made me a prisoner
Of the cycle of life ,
Neglecting the fact, that I'm still a sinner
Smiling outside, to hide the fears
And only the walls of my room will hear
How I cried, and cried but tried and cried again, yet still tried, not knowing I'm slowly getting tired.
But I can never kill myself and a day will come,
I will be judged and get the punishment a murderer deserves.

I stared with a tear on my eye on the judge's face.
She looked familiar, but in time's pace
I have not recognized
And now, my verdict is up
Admitting the crime, I am defeated.
Defeated to the arms of remorse, who never wanted to lift me up

The judge smiled at me and uttered
Words I did not expect
Saving me from the darkest trench and pulling me away from the depths of Tartarus.
"You are not guilty my son, you never was." she said.

It was my mom.

© 2020 Noldren


barrrrryyyyy on March 31, 2020:


Bernadette Devera on March 30, 2020:


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