Let this Create Your Atmosphere
I Have Grown by Jodian Patterson
I have grown.
I have grown immensely.
I have grown into unused time.
I have grown into a woman who lives with sarcasm,
I have made irony my friend,
I have occasional dates with depression,
And double dates with hardship and failure.
I have monthly outings with pain, who saw it fit to stay for a week, and then call me whenever it gets lonely.
Despite warnings from others, I married care and complained when it took me for granted.
I have fought daily with love and cried when it kicked me and punched me and caused my heart to ache.
I have affairs with greed and desire but they were short, too short, they were not enough.
They were never enough because I knew confusion wanted me, and many times it had me.
It had me stifled, strangled and lost, until many times I had forgotten that I had grown.
That I had grown without mercy,
That weakness was my strength,
That anger was my excuse and compassion became a stranger, my frenemy, our relationship became strained.
I have called the authorities on forgiveness and grace and had them locked away for eternity.
Because they did not deserve to roam the place, they shouldn’t have been at play.
I threw faith into my closet space and used it only to perfume my clothes, but I have done away completely with hope because I have grown.
I have grown so much…
And I am ashamed.