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I Broke


I need a break from myself.. Please take me away, if that's even possible.
I have ruined literally everything i could want to go back to. I have myself now, and am scared of being alone cause I don't really trust the thoughts clouding my head lately., I don't trust this thing that beats onside my chest no cause it can literally stop at its own will.....
I broke love... It doesn't even ring a bell, not even when I read novels about it. Just gone like when the sun sets down and darkness takes hold of the night., Shooting stars are just shooting stars, I can't make no wishes no more..
I broke me....
I know what makes me tic now and its hard trying to shove the thoughts away whem they are the only ones that come to my head every time....... And exploding doesn't seem that much impossible now..
I broke faith... Shuttered hope and buried expectations.
... None seem to make sense no matter how hard i try to convince myself... Nothing makes sense.
I don't know, kinda want to start afresh..... Have a new beginning... Everything fresh and empty like a canvas... Build something new, something not me...
.. I feel like not being me for a long time would be something I'd never stop craving for...
I can't be me anymore.

© 2020 Amani Utembu