I Am the One You Shouldn't Keep

Updated on March 27, 2019
Source

"People come and go”

I don’t know why all of a sudden this kind of thought as pellucid as crystal clear rushed immediately on my mind
Like an arrow hit my head and pained every inch of my bones wanting to dwell on my flesh, I don’t know

When you told me you want to meet me in 4th street by 11PM,
All my blood came up to my brain
I’m quite used to the bizarre yet familiar moment like this;
You asking me to meet you up without telling me any of your reasons
But without any hesitations,
I chose to go and meet you as what you've asked,

We don't care if others say that 4th street is a curse
If they see only its surface; dark nooks with tall, old trees as if its huge roots will grab someone and bury them six feet under
We don't care how shallow their visions are...
What's important is how we see the world of our own
--of how deep we define the universe that we always wanted to make it deeper so the universe itself decided to collide us because we're both too importunate and desperate on finding the answers long before we come up with the question

10:54PM
While walking, I know that aside from you,
there will be something else that will welcome me
Six years…
Mysteries will remain mysteries for you
You said,
there are too many things in this world that were made to remain secret and unanswered,
You've taught me that every day is a mystery and instead of becoming one to the other,
our own unsure things should be kept inside us

So, there…
Six years
Every day I am collecting all the unsure things that you are talking about;
Me putting cream on my coffee even if I liked it brewed
Or me choosing to ride in your car even I always prefer walking with you
Or me writing songs when all I ever wanted was to write poems

When you told me that unsure things should be just in ourselves,
I asked myself if I will be kept by you,
I wonder what concept should I consider,
Though yours and others’ both make sense
I chose to follow mine;
That I will be kept by you and placed at that one corner inside you,
Separated from all the unsure things that you are gathering every single day

Six years ago but didn’t have I had the courage to ask you why,
I have so many questions inside me
All too unsure that it became a burden I can’t carry but can still load up

4th street…
This is where everything began,
Before I committed myself to you
I asked
"How can you be so sure to me?
How can you be so sure to me despite of all the inconsistencies in the world?"
You just looked at me in the eye and answered
"Inconsistencies bring people to their doubtful selves, to their selfish selves
But I am, when with you
Is like being in the navel of ocean,
Everything's just possessed with certainties that feels like it would run safe for eternity"

Since then, you have made me torn
between brewed coffee or the ones with cream,
to ride with you in your car or to walk with you
to write songs or to write poems,

How would I choose myself first before you
If I could see and feel the stars in you?
Choosing things that you like made less of the weight right here on my shoulders
Too often,
Didn’t feel like it is heavy at all

--

I arrived in the 4th street two minutes before your expected time;
“People come and go”
You told me from way far behind

I don't know,
But all things just hit me right in the face
Own shadow hiding from beneath consumed itself;
Pounding and heavy heart
Trembling and sweating hands
And with eyes, too soon to burst,
I looked at you and answered
“for what’s there will leave and for what’s not will stay…”

We just stared at each other for a long, long moment

“I keep you inside me for six years…” you said

Silence…

“I am now choosing brewed coffee over the ones with cream
From now on, I will walk alone and will not ride with you in your car anymore
I will write poems and not songs…

Why did you keep me in a way I didn’t deserve?”

From then, we chose to turn at each other’s back

Six years…

How can you be so unsure?

I feel bad to be kept by you.

Questions & Answers

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      • Kat Oblena profile imageAUTHOR

        Kat Oblena 

        2 weeks ago from Philippines

        Thank you, Mark Tulin. I appreciate your feedback :)

      • Mark Tulin profile image

        Mark Tulin 

        2 weeks ago from Santa Barbara, California

        Sad but poignant love narrative.

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