Skip to main content

He Came Home a She

Kari is a compassionate and empathetic individual. She loves the earth and all its life. She is a believer in the dignity of each of us.

Even in pain there is beauty.  We were blessed by beautiful sunrises.

Even in pain there is beauty. We were blessed by beautiful sunrises.

It's Complicated

I was in a relationship with a very complicated man some years ago. He was the Romeo to my Juliet. After I had fallen in love, I found out that he was schizophrenic, DID and transgendered. It was a very confusing and upsetting time of my life.

When I first met him, I did not know what transgendered was, but he said he had been one while he was a teenager. He called himself a female name and began taking hormones. He had a job at the time and was a good employee. Later, he was fired from his job because he was transgendered. Because of this he decided it wasn’t worth transitioning and decided to live as a male. (At least that was his story.)

Once, after he came back from the psychiatric hospital, he returned as a she. I had believed him when he said being transgendered was a thing of the past, and did not fit into his current view of his life. If I had only known more about being transgendered I would have realized that it is not something you can change, like a habit. I was heartbroken, confused and angry.

This is a poem I wrote back then.

Gone Away

The man I love has gone away,

And left me all alone.

The body stayed and a girl

Who says it is her home.

The only person I could tell

All my secret woes,

Was not a person after all,

In fact, more like a ghost.

But in that girl

I see a shadow

Of the ghost I love

(He loved that girl

when he was above.)

He tried to warn me,

But I couldn’t see.

My love had

Caused a he.

Now she rules while he sleeps

How different life’s become.

She says mean things to make me weep,

Without realizing what she’s done.

At times I see the man so clear,

I don’t know what to say.

I wonder if he’s testing me

To see if I go away.

He asked me to marry him.

We talked about the girl.

He said she was put to rest

Long ago in another world.

Slowly I grew comfortable

And believed his love true.

Now I think I drove him mad,

As his love he grew to rue.

All the terrors in my mind,

Too old, too tall, too fat,

Are the tortures of my fear.

At least I hope it’s that.

© 2020 Kari Poulsen